In the Begining
by harrypotterfangirl2010
Summary: Starts in 1981, after James and Lily have just been killed. Follows Lupin and Tonks from his friendship with Andromeda and growing attraction to Tonks over the years. Gets raunchy later on. Criticism and beta offers welcome.
1. Chapter 1

Follow their relationship from 1981 to the end of OoPT plus epilogue. Warning in advance - my interpretation involves a 17/30 y/o relationship. And obviously I don't own anything. Enjoy!

**Chapter One**

_1981_

The news was spreading through the magical community like wildfire. Lord Voldermort was defeated. But the joy was tinged with sorrow, because so much had been lost for this victory; so many good wizards and witches, so many innocent muggles caught in the crossfire.

And, it was later discovered, brilliant wizard-and-witch couple James and Lily Potter. Their one-year-old son Harry had somehow survived – no-one knew what kind of powers a baby would have that would defeat Voldermort where his parents had failed – and had been hidden by Dumbledore.

But for many, still more bad news was to come. It was discovered that none other than James's school mate, best friend and best man at his wedding, Sirius Black, ad been the one to betray the couple to Voldermort, revealing their secret whereabouts. Not only that, but when another member of their school group, Peter Pettigrew, had confronted Sirius about it, Sirius had killed Peter as well. The man didn't care who got hurt in his devotion to Voldermort.

Or so it seemed. Ted and Andromeda Tonks, for one, found it difficult to believe that Sirius was capable of betraying James and Lily. They went so far back; James had let Sirius stay with him after Sirius had left his family when the situation had become unbearable. Andromeda and Sirius were cousins, and she knew just how unbearable the Black house could be to live in. She couldn't imagine Sirius going back to the side he had so hated all his life. Perhaps he had been under an Imperius curse? Certainly, it seemed so unfathomable that he could have betrayed his best friend of his own free will.

But there was no answering that question now. James and Peter were dead, and Sirius was in Azkaban. Which only left...

"Poor Remus," Ted said, sensing his wife's thoughts. Andromeda nodded, thinking of the fourth in the little band that had caused such hijacks at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for seven years. Remus Lupin, who had been made Prefect in an attempt to bring James and Sirius's boisterous way under control (though he had failed miserably). Remus Lupin, who had suffered as a werewolf for most of his life but found friends in James and Sirius who cared more about his loyalty as a friend than any non-human qualities that he might have.

Andromeda nodded. Remus had lost his three best and most supportive friends in one go – James and Peter to Sirius, and Sirius knowing that he was a traitor of the worst kind. "He must be so lonely," she said sadly, her heart going out to a young man whose only bright spot in a lonely life were three young men who he no longer had. "We should have him over," she suggested. It had to do some good for him to be with people who recognised that being a werewolf didn't automatically mean he was an monstrous being. At least, it couldn't do any harm.

"I agree," Ted said.

* * *

"I blame myself," Lupin said with resigned sorrow. He had thought about it over and over, wishing he had seen the signs – but _what_ signs? There were no more devoted pals that Sirius and James, or so he had thought. Lupin himself had often felt a little left out of that special something that the two brilliant, handsome men shared. Had it all been an act? Or had Sirius at some point decided that there was more to be gained from turning to the dark side?

"You weren't to know," Andromeda said kindly. "We all thought they were as close as two people could be. Do you think there's a possibility he was under an Imperius curse?" she asked.

Lupin shook his head. There was always the possibility, of course, but the thing with the Imperius curse was that there were often things you noticed when a person wasn't acting quite like they should. He had searched his brains and could think of nothing to suggest Sirius had been under the Imperius curse. So the only alternative was that he had put up a brilliant act after he had changed sides and continued to behave as if he was James and Lily's best friend and closest confidante.

"I'm sorry," Andromeda, expressing her sorrow not only for Lupin's loss, but for all of theirs.

Lupin smiled wanly. There was no point in wasting a rare opportunity to be with people who didn't judge and fear him by feeling sorry for himself. "At least it's over now," he said. "Imagine, Dromeda, people will be able to go about their daily lives without having to worry about being tortured or imprisoned or their loved ones taken from them. Parents will be able to raise their children as they see fit. Speaking of which – I hear you have quite the precocious daughter."

It was exactly the right note to hit. Andromeda smiled with love and pride to think of her eight-year-old daughter Nymphodora. "She's very talented," she said. "A little bit rambunctious at times – doesn't like following the rules – or, rather, only follows the rules when they exactly suit what she wanted anyway. And she's showing signs of being a very talented metamophmagus – can you imagine how much trouble she'll get into when no-one can work out who she is?" Lupin laughed at that, thinking how much James and Sirius would have loved to have Nymphodora in their little gang. Although Nymphodora was only seven years older than little Harry – she would have been more of a daughter to them than a contemporary.

As if knowing she was being talked about, the eight-year-old came through the door, tripping over a step that she must have known by heart was there by now. Lupin smiled indulgently at her clumsiness. He took in her violet hair that was a sure sign of a metamophmagus and smiled even more broadly. She definitely had a precocious look about her, and if she was anything like her parents – intelligent, loyal, defiant – than she would be one hell of a witch.

"Nymphodora," Andromeda said. "Come and meet Remus Lupin. He's a friend of mine. And was a friend of James Potters, too."

Nymphodora's eyes went wide with interest. Anyone who could claim a solid connection to the Potters and Sirius Black was worth a good conversation, although many felt that Lupin's less-than-desirable traits excluded him from that category. Really?" she asked. "And Harry, too?"

"I met him a few times," Lupin said. "Not many people know where he is now – and I'm not one of them."

Nymphodora took the information in. Remus Lupin seemed very sad – but a lot of people were sad these days. Despite that, there was something that drew her to him. After just a few seconds, she was fascinated by him and felt the urge to sit on his lap. He was younger than her mum and dad, although still much older than her.

Lupin was impressed by this eight-year-old who was far more intelligent than her years would suggest – although she possessed a clumsiness of someone half her age. For some reason, that just made her appear more endearing. There would be something a little insufferable about a beautiful, intelligent young woman without flaws; her clumsiness only made her human.

"Thankyou for having me over, Dromeda," Lupin said as he was leaving."It's been a while since I socialised."

Andromeda nodded, silently understanding. Humans distrusted him for being a werewolf, and werewolves distrusted him for wanting to live in the civilised fashion of humans; both races felt he was betraying the other and as such, he was welcome at very few houses of either. "Come over whenever you feel like it," she said sincerely. "I mean it. We love having you around and it will do Nymphodora the world of good to have people around her who remember what it was like when the Dark Lord reined."

Lupin nodded, appreciating Andromeda friendship and hospitality deeply in this world where there was still so much distrust being different races and within races themselves. "I will," he said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

_1987_

"Nymphodora, how are those metamophmagus skills of yours coming along?"

Nymphodora glared at him. "I've told you not to call me that, Remus," she complained.

Lupin laughed. She had tolerated being called Nymphodora until she had started at Hogwarts, and then, after merciless teasing, had insisted on being addressed by her last name. "Fine, _Tonks_," he said good-naturedly, thinking that she was every bit as wilful a fourteen-year-old as she had been an eight-year-old. "How are those metamophmagus skills of yours coming along?""

"Excellent," Tonks said pleasedly. "I can look like almost anyone the same size as me. Course, that means I can't pretend to be Dumbledore," she added sadly, and Lupin laughed again. Tonks was a constant source of amusement to him, with her boisterous personality and love of fun. There was no doubt she would get up to a bit of mischief impersonating her Headmaster until she got caught.

Lupin looked at her critically. She was tall for her age, which was good. "I want to go and see Harry, and having a metamophmagus with me will be handy."

Tonks's eyes widened with delight. "Really? How did you find out where he is?" she asked.

"Dumbledore let it slip. He's staying with his aunt and uncle in Little Whinging. There's a kindergarten there that he's enrolled in. I requested a tour saying we were prospective parents. I need someone to pretend to be my wife and I'd rather it be someone whose description people won't recognise should my memory charm fail."

Tonks caught her breath at the mention of _wife_. She realised Lupin was only asking because, as an metamophmagus, she could transform herself into a woman that no-one would recognise in case they got caught – Lupin clearly wasn't supposed to be checking up on Harry – but still, she liked the idea.

There was something about Lupin that fascinated her. His werewolf status made him something on an outcast, and the loss of his three best friends was something he had never gotten over. And yet he was so interesting and knowledgeable and never treated her like a kid the way most of her parent's friends did. And he was so much more interesting than the boys she went to school with – even Charlie Weasley, who was a year older than her but still far lacking in Lupin's maturity and wisdom.

She knew she shouldn't have the feelings she should towards him. He was way older than her. Hell, he was the same age as James Potter – or, rather, had been – and Charlie had a brother who would be the same age as Harry, so didn't that put him in the category of 'friends of the parents of her schoolfriends'? Sure, he was only thirteen years older than her, hardly old enough to be her father, but thinking about the age difference between them made her feel uncomfortable. Why couldn't he been even five years younger? Why did he have to be so easy to talk to and comfortable to be around and be so much older than her?

"What do you want me to do?" she asked him.

* * *

Tonks, with some research, looked every bit the respectable young muggle mother in her mid-twenties, dressed in a simple white cotton dress and white sandals. "Is this really what muggles wear?" she asked. "It's so uncomfortable. My dad never wore anything like this."

"Your dad's a man, this is women's attire," Lupin said. God, but Tonks was never so enchanting when demonstrating that she was ignorant of anything but the loving, secure world she had grown up in. She didn't resemble her natural physical self in the slightest, but that only seemed to emphasize the fact that she was Tonks. And in the body of a woman his own age, it was hard to remember that she was only thirteen. In fact, this body seemed to suit her better, because despite her impish, mischievous streak, she was a very mature, wise adolescent who, she had told him more than once, was easily bored by kids her own age.

"Whatever. It's too tight." She wriggled uncomfortably as if to free herself of the clinched waist, and Lupin _really_ wished she wouldn't do that, because it showed off her cleavage – the cleavage of a woman in her mid-twenties.

"Nymphodora, stop it," Lupin said casually, and Tonks stopped immediately. He had discovered years ago that the quickest way to stop her when she acted up was to call her by her Christian name, a name she linked with her childhood, and therefor thought of as a childish name. "Thankyou."

Tonks smiled. She loved the way Lupin didn't take her to task when she acted a little childish the way her parents did.

They went into the kindergarten that Harry was enrolled in and were greeted by the teacher, Miss Sarah Croft. "So good to meet you," she said, taking in their carefully-constructed affluence. "And where is young...?"

"Ryan," Lupin offered. "Ryan Thomas." Same first initial as his, same last as hers. "And he's with my sister." An outright lie; they were both only children.

Sarah Croft showed them around the kindergarten, emphasising all the good things the institution offered. Lupin charmed Sarah into letting them have a wander around the place to see how the children interacted, and they zoned straight in on Harry. It was easy enough to find him; he looked like a younger version of James, with a lighteningbolt scar cutting across his forehead. Lupin felt Tonks shiver next to him, and he knew she was thinking about how he had gotten that scar.

They introduced themselves to Harry and chatted with him briefly – not too long, or Sarah might get suspicious, and while lupin planned on using a memory charm on her, he didn't want her asking too many questions. Besides, they didn't _need_ to ask questions. It was clear Harry was unhappy, and just as clear that his cousin of the same age, Dudley, was a vicious bully who had taken to tormenting other children when he had been just smart enough to realise that tormenting Harry in the presence of two adults was not a good idea.

"I wish there was something we could do about it," Tonks said afterwards when he took her out for milkshakes in muggle London. She had changed back to her original state, and he was aware of the looks they were getting – both because of her and because it was natural for people to wonder what someone like her was doing with someone like him.

"We can't," Lupin said. "Dumbledore must know what he's doing. Maybe this is a bad idea. I've just upset you."

She smiled brightly, determined not to let Lupin know just how much it had saddened her to see the kind of life Harry Potter had when he was right – there was nothing they could do about it. "You didn't upset me," she said. "I'm really glad you took me with you."

"Told you, I needed someone who could change their appearance," he said casually. She smiled to herself at that. Be that as it may, he wouldn't have invited her if he couldn't stand her presence, would he have?

They talked for hours. Tonks loved being around Lupin, he didn't treat her like a kid the way her parents and their friends did, and he didn't _act_ like a kid the way the people she went to school with did. If he was just a few years younger...

She found he was good at giving advice on people and relationships, which surprised her, because she figured he didn't have much experience in that department. "I thought you were all, like, not-getting-involved," she said.

"I am now – although not entirely by choice," Lupin admitted. "My, uh, state isn't something I care to advertise to everyone, and I don't think it's fair not to let a girl – a woman – know something like that. It's a catch-22 situation."

"But you've been with women before," she prompted, dying of curiosity.

Lupin laughed, shocked at her blatant curiosity – but all the same, feeling a little indulgent towards her. "I'm ashamed to say that in my younger days, I took shameless advantage of the fact a lot of women would do a lot of things to get close to James and Sirius. All I can say in my defence is that Peter was just as bad as me – maybe worse."

Tonks released a raucous laugh. "Remus!" she said, shocked. "I can't believe you'd take your best mates leftovers."

"They weren't leftovers," Lupin said defensively. "They were more like... cast-offs. And I said I was ashamed of it now. It's not something I would do today, even if –" he broke off as he was just about to say _even if James and Sirius were still around_. He shrugged. "It seems very irresponsible for someone in my position. I was horny and reckless enough not to care back then, but I'm older and wiser now. I certainly wouldn't like someone like me then trying to get someone like you."

Tonks felt flushed at this, and concealed it by throwing her head back and changing appearance. She couldn't imagine Lupin being as reckless and irresponsible as he reckoned he was. Certainly, if he was a little younger or she was a little older, she could totally picture herself going out with him – lycanthropy be damned.

He took Tonks home with an iron-clad story about how he'd taken her around muggle London – which was kind of the truth, they _had_ seen muggle London. "Thanks," Andromeda said when Tonks went to her room and Lupin gave her a hand with dinner. "She loves having you around, you know. She's so mature for her age and gets so frustrated with the kids her age."

"Give it a year or two, suddenly the boys she's complaining about will take on a whole new level."

Andromeda made a face. "That's kind of what I'm worried about. She could be the most sullen brat and she'd still be the most desirable girl in school. Was it the same when you were at Hogwarts?"

"What, that a metamophmagus was the ideal woman because she could be everything you wanted?" Lupin asked. Andromeda nodded. "Yep," he admitted. "Sorry," he added, realising that maybe having it confirmed that the boys would soon be chasing after Tonks for no other reason than the fact she could be every fantasy was not what Andromeda wanted to hear.

"You're not telling me anything i don't already know, Remus. I just hope she learns to tell false promises from real and meets someone who appreciates her for who she is and not what image she can project. Someone like Ted – or you."

Lupin laughed at that. "I don't count, Dromeda," he said. "I'm practically a eunuch." There was no equivalent in the magical world to someone who chose to practice life of abstinence for personal convictions, so it was handy to spend a lot of time with a family that was familiar with muggle terms. Which was somewhat ironic, considering in years gone by Andromeda had been one of the famed Black family and wouldn't have wasted the energy to spit on Lupin in the street.

Andromeda flashed Lupin a warm smile. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Remus," she said. "There's plenty of women out there who won't care that you're a werewolf. You just have to bide your time."

_Says you_, Lupin thought silently. He didn't hold it against Andromeda, but he was well aware of the fact that there was a massive chasm between accepting a werewolf as a friend, and lowering your guard enough to be interested in one romantically. And that was without taking into account the vast majority of the population who thought werewolves should be hunted to extinction the way some muggle nations thought that way about rabbits.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_1988_

"Merry Christmas, Remus."

Lupin smiled at Tonks, who looked truly Tonks, in mis-matching red-and-green clothes. She had a penchant for collecting a random assortment of muggle clothes and putting them together in even more random combinations. Right now she was wearing a spangly red tube top with a long, layered green skirt. "I would have thought someone with a muggle-born dad would know better than to make such a big deal out of Christmas."

Tonks shrugged. Christmas to her was like all the other holidays that the wizarding world had commandeered from the muggle world that was just an excuse for a party. Besides, the muggles had stolen Halloween from an older muggle reign, hadn't they? "Well, it's good you came, anyway," she said.

She was fifteen now, and with every opportunity she had to interact with Lupin, the more attractive she found him. She didn't know why exactly. He was almost twice her age and would always have those issues with his lycanthropy and there was always a veil of sadness wrapped around him from the loss of James, Peter and Sirius. But despite that there was something magnetic about him. She always wanted to be there when he dropped by, and frequently made excuses to get away from Hogwarts for the weekend if she knew Lupin was there.

She thought about Charlie Weasley. He was a nice enough boy, kind of sweet really, and didn't pursue her doggedly like some of the other boys in their year. He seemed to like her for herself, which, she was beginning to realise, was unusual when it came to a metamophmagus. She supposed she should appreciate the no-pressure attention Charlie showed, but it only made her think that Lupin had _always_ treated her like that... and he was far more knowledgeable.

She looked at Lupin and he took her breath away. She knew people wouldn't understand – wasn't sure if she entirely understood it herself – but she couldn't stop thinking about him. She knew people would say it was just a silly infatuation, an adolescent witch desiring g an older man, but she knew it was more than that. She knew she liked him because he was Lupin and not because he was an older man for her to have a crush on.

She was staring at him, and it was making him nervous, and making him want to stare back at her. Despite her weird get-up, she had an energy about her that was captivating and made her seem far older than fifteen. No wonder she was bored with the kids at school. He turned to go, thinking it was better if he wasn't alone with her right now.

Impulsive, she rushed up to him and kissed him, planting her mouth firmly on his, snaking her tongue into his mouth, searching out for his. She was glad she had permitted Charlie kiss her a few times after a Quiddich game, so now she had some idea of what to do.

Lupin was first shocked that the little minx would do something like this – he was almost twice her age – and then shocked that he kissed her back. Her mouth felt warm and inviting, her tongue something he wanted to feel twisted up with his own... something in the back of his mind registered that she wasn't exactly new to this, and he felt a pang of jealousy as to who it might be. Charlie Weasley, perhaps? He felt jealousy towards this unnamed man – _boy_ – who had been kissing her even though he was almost twice her age and had no claim to her and –

He pushed her away. "Nymphodora – " he began.

Tonks started to tell him not to call her that, then she decided to concentrate on the fact that he had _definitely_ kissed her back. She had never instigated a kiss before – with Charlie it was always going along with something he wanted to do – but she still recognised it when someone kissed her back. Undeterred by his pushing her away, she went to kiss him again and, God help him, for a few seconds he responded again.

With Herculean effort, Lupin pushed her away again when the thought of shoving her against the wall to get better leverage entered his head. "Nymphodora, _stop_," he said. "We can't do this."

Her eyes narrowed. "Why not?" she asked, genuinely confused because he had kissed her back, so why didn't he want to kiss her some more? "Don't you like me?"

"Of course I like you," he said. "I think I like you a little more than is appropriate, that's the problem. I'm thirty, Nymphodora," he reminded her.

"Twenty-eight," she corrected him.

"Fine, twenty-eight. That's still far too old for you."

To his horror, her face scrunched up in threatened tears. "But all the boys at school are so boring!" she cried. "They only care about stupid Quidditch and they only like me 'cos I'm a metamophmagus. You're the only person who likes me for myself."

"I'm sure that's not true," Lupin said.

"It is," she insisted tearfully. "And even if it wasn't – I wouldn't want any of them, anyway. I want _you_. And you kissed me back," she added, slightly accusingly. "You can't say you don't want me, too."

He sighed, thinking that kissing her back was the single stupidest thing he had done in his life. Well, maybe after trusting Sirius. "I shouldn't have," he said quietly. "Nymphodora, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you're just a kid. I should have known better."

She was crying now in earnest. "I should have known you wouldn't be interested in a kid," she sobbed.

_Way to go, Remus, _he thought. Feeling guilty as sin, he recalled dozens of instances when he had let Tonks sit closer to him than maybe was appropriate, where maybe he had encouraged her to think it would be acceptable for something other than a sort of pseudo uncle-niece relationship to happen between them. He struggled to think of a way to let her down easy, and hit on a brilliant thought. "Weather I'm interested in you or not is beside the point," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have kissed you back because it's against the law. You should know that. I _definitely_ should have."

"Against the law?" she asked, thoroughly confused.

He should have known that someone like Tonks was ignorant of the laws and regulations pertaining to underage relationships. They were similar to the statutory rape laws that muggles had in place, only much stricter, because there was much greater scope for corruption and manipulation. "You're underage," he reminded her. "And no matter how wise and mature you might be for fifteen, you're still underage and if I get involved with you which is in any way questionable – " _Merlin's beard_, he thought. _I think I already have, or she wouldn't have kissed me_ – "the Ministry will come down on me hard. And with you being a Black – "

Tonks's eyes flashed at that. "I am not – " she started to say.

"You and your mum can argue that til then end of time, you still have all the prestige of a Black, even an exiled one. How do you think the Ministry will react to a werewolf getting involved with an underaged Black?"

"I didn't think of that," Tonks said in a small voice. "I don't want to get you into trouble."

It was easier than he had thought; he'd been worried she would be too caught up in what she wanted that very minute to think of the long-term consequences. (Or even the short-term consequences, should Andromeda or Ted walk in on him kissing their only daughter.) "Then give it some time," he suggested. "If you're still interested in me, come and see me when you're seventeen." That was eighteen months from now, Lupin knew, eighteen months for her to mingle with kids her own age. It may very well be that the reason she was bored with kids her own age was that the hormones hadn't yet kicked in. Give it a few months – even a few weeks – and he was sure Tonks would meet someone her own age and in eighteen months time, if she thought of him at all, it would be to laugh at herself for ever being interested in someone who was too old, too poor and too dangerous for her.

2


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

_1989_

"How's Tonks doing?" Lupin asked Andromeda, hoping he sounded casual when he'd thought far more than he should have about the kiss – OK, _kisses_ – they had shared over Christmas. The more he thought about it, the bigger a heel he felt. She was almost _half his age_. Not to mention the penalties for getting involved with an underage wizard – or, for that matter, for getting involved with Andromeda Black-Tonks's only child.

"Good," Andromeda said proudly. "She's doing really well at Hogwarts, although she's as dead clumsy as ever. Failed her Apparition test twice. I think she'll just scrape through eventually. And she's thrown herself into everything on offer, she's getting so much out of it."

"Still being pursued by every boy in school?"

"I don't think so. She sees a lot of Charlie Weasley – Molly's second-oldest – and that seems to make a lot of people back off. They're a very popular couple," she added proudly.

Lupin didn't know how to take that. He had wanted Tonks to find someone her own age, but having done that, he felt jealous. What was _wrong_ with him? It wasn't like he had anything to offer such an enchanting young woman. _And she's not even a woman yet,_ he reminded himself. Nonetheless, he felt jealousy towards Charlie Weasley and wondered how far things had progressed between them. Certainly more than a few kisses in the kitchen at Christmas. "Good," he said, as sincerely as he could manage. "I was worried about her for a while."

"Me, too," Andromeda said. "I didn't want to say this to you at the time, but I was a bit worried about how much she looked up to you. It made it kind of hard for her to engage with people her own age when she had someone older and wiser to talk to."

"Sorry," Lupin said, sure that his guilt must be showing up on his face.

"Not your fault. She's always been like that, and I figured it was better for her to be spending time with you then wandering around Knockturn Alley trying to find someone to fill that void. Or worse, muggle London. She loves it there, but has no idea how to fit in. So I'm glad she's had you."

Lupin felt his cheeks burn again, sure Andromeda wouldn't be quite so glad if she knew the thoughts he had about her daughter. "You're distantly related to the Weasleys, aren't you?"he asked, grasping for something _other_ than Tonks to talk about.

"Arthur's grandfather was a Black," Andromeda said. "I'm not sure what the exact connection was – he was burnt off the family tree long before I was born, so I never knew exactly what relation he was to me. But realistically, all the so-called pure-blood families are related to one another, though you'd never get Lucius Malfoy to admit he's related to me or Arthur."

"The same Lucius Malfoy who makes it clear what he thinks of werewolves, centaurs, giants and anyone else who's not one-hundred percent human?" Lupin asked with a sardonic smile. "I never would have guessed. What are they like? The Weasleys, I mean."

"They're lovely people. Not much money to go around – a consequence of trying to do the right thing." Merlin knew, the Malfoys and Blacks hadn't gotten wealthy by looking out for their brother wizard. "And they've got seven kids crammed in that house that looks like a muggle deck of cards. I think the whole thing stays up solely by magic. And Molly's the friendliest person I know, if you don't mind the fact she could talk your ear off. Speaking of which – I told her she could have some of Nymphodora's old clothes for her daughter Ginny. Poor thing, so much of their children's things are hand-me-downs, but she can't exactly give Ginny her brothers' old things, so I said she was welcome to Dora's. Told her I would have thrown them out anyway if she didn't take them so she was doing me a favour – such a proud woman. But I really don't have the time to sit there and have a gossip, so if you don't have anything pressing – " she looked at him hopefully.

"Of course," Lupin said. Actually, he had far better things to do than hang around with the family of Tonks's boyfriend, but he owed Andromeda and her friendship a lot, so he figured it was about time he returned the favour.

He gave Molly a start when he arrived in the Weasley home – called The Burrows – via the Floo network."I'm Remus Lupin," he said, flashing a charming smile – he could be charming when he wanted to be. "Andromeda's rushed off her feet, so I said I'd bring Tonks's old things."

"Tonks?" Molly asked.

Lupin laughed, remembering. "She doesn't like her Christian name," he explained.

Molly nodded in vague understanding. "Charlie said something about that," he said.

Lupin resisted the urge to scowl like a deprived schoolboy. Instead he said, "I'm not sure how Ginny will like these things. Tonks had a somewhat eclectic taste even when she was – what, seven, eight?"

"Seven," Molly said, giving Ginny's age. _Of course_, Lupin thought. Molly's second youngest, Ron, was the same age as Harry, so Ginny had to be at least a year younger.

"Seven. Tonks has always had a knack for taking the most garish muggle clothes she can find and making random combinations out of them, so I'm not sure if there's anything there Ginny will like."

"i happen to be an expert seamstress," Molly said. It was a consequence of money always being tight. Necessity, as they said, was the mother of invention. "Would you care to stay for dinner? It's nothing fancy but there's always plenty to go around. When you have seven kids and their friends coming and going you have to be prepared to feed five or fifteen at a moment's notice."

"I wouldn't know," Lupin said dryly, thinking about the likelihood of him ever having a longterm relationship, let alone a family, giving his disability. "But dinner sounds nice."

Charlie looked steadily at Tonks, her eyes closed, her long, pale blond hair fanned out across his pillow. He liked her as a blond, and he suspected it was the main reason she had taken to the look of late. Certainly, it was easier to give him the image he preferred than return the emotions he wanted.

She wasn't cold exactly, just... _distant_. They got on well as friends, but as a girlfriend, it felt like she was constantly holding him at arm's length. If she wasn't so open-minded when it came to everything else, with a disdain for convention that made his practical joker twin brothers Fred and George look like the super-straight-laced brother, Percy, he would have thought she was one of those girls who didn't believe in so much as a kiss before marriage. Certainly, she was a Black – or at least her mother was a black – even just a Black-in-exile, and the Blacks were known for being ultra-conservative. But Tonks was anything but, and didn't seem particularly inclined towards marriage, so that struck off _that_ idea.

The only other thing that Charlie could think of was that she was interested in someone else. But in the five-plus years Charlie and Tonks had been going to Hogwarts together, she hadn't expressed an interest in _anyone_, and she didn't see many people other than her parents and friends outside of Hogwarts. Which left Charlie absolutely stumped as to why she wouldn't or couldn't return his affections.

"Tell me what you like," he said, stroking her jaw and then running her fingers down her neck. Tonks resisted the urge to tense up. The harder Charlie tried to turn her on, the more she wanted to yell at him to stop. She adored him as a friend, but his romantic touch left her cold. Dimly, she was aware that she was using him, but it was so convenient, the way none of the boys harassed her when she was Charlie Wesley's girlfriend.

But the truth was, Charlie's touch was too rough, too full-on. He didn't have that combination of strength and gentleness that Lupin did. Time didn't fly by with Charlie the way it had when she'd been with Lupin. Of course, Lupin had barely been around lately – at least, not when she was home. She knew he was avoiding her.

Well, she knew he was attracted to her, and once she turned seventeen, she was going to hash things out with him.

Charlie started kissing her face and neck, and she murmured obligingly. "That feels nice," she said, when in reality, she felt nothing. She let her mind wander, and she imagined that it was Lupin kissing her so that a few seconds later, her murmurings were real. Charlie was delighted...

"Charlie! Nymphodora! Dinner's ready!" Molly's voice came ringing through the house. Charlie had never worked out if she had some kind of magical voice magnifier on her person at all times, or if she could really yell that loudly. With a groan of disappointment – Tonks was finally getting into it, maybe he just needed to get her away from the prying eyes of Hogwarts, not that the prying eyes of home were much better – he shifted off the bed.

"C'mon," he said, grabbing her hand. "Mum's a good cook. She didn't have a house-elf growing up," he couldn't resist teasing.

"I'll have you know my dad didn't even _know_ what a house-else was growing up," Tonks retorted. She hated the way everyone assumed that just because she was a Black she knew what it was to live a life on unparalleled luxury. Lupin had always gotten that; why couldn't Charlie?

"Sorry," Charlie said, sensing her annoyance immediately.

"It's fine," she said, her tone still irritated. "I'm just sick of being treated like I'm like the rest of the Blacks. My mum married a muggle-born, how popular d'you think that made her with them?"

"Sorry," he said again. Tonks didn't say anything more, so he hoped the subject was closed.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Lupin sitting at the family table, casually chatting to Arthur Weasley. He looked like he always did, too thin, too shabby, but with an aura of intelligence and wisdom that she'd never seen anyone else possess. Charlie paled in comparison. "Remus," she breathed.

He looked at her blankly for a few second before recognising her aura, her energy. "Tonks," he said, finally recognising her. Then his heart twisted painfully to see the way Charlie Weasley had his arm wrapped casually around her waist. It was what he wanted for her, but it was one thing to want her to be happy with someone else and another to _see _her with someone else. "What did you do to your hair?"

Tonks laughed, tossing her head back and returning it to its shorted, bright pink. "Charlie likes it blond," he said, her tone informing Lupin that she disagreed.

Lupin nodded slightly. No matter what Andromeda said, he thought Charlie Weasley was a jerk if he made Tonks cater her image to suit his tastes. _I wouldn't make you do anything for me_, he thought silently.

Tonks seemed to sense what he was thinking, because her head turned slightly but sharply to meet his eyes, and they shared an intense look. Charlie tightened his grip around her waist possessively, sensing something between Tonks and Remus Lupin.

"_That's_ why you won't let me close?" Charlie demanded incredulously at Hogwarts the next day. "_Him_? He's twice our age!"

"He is not!" Tonks refuted heatedly. "He's twenty-nine. He'd have to be thirty-two to be twice our age."

Which only confirmed Charlie's suspicions that Remus Lupin was the cause of Tonks's disinterest, if she came so quickly to his defence over the significant age gap. "That's sick, Tonks. And against the law."

Tonks glowered at him. What would he know about what was healthy and what wasn't? Just because he was a silly boy – "Fine," she said shortly. "Go find someone who's not – _sick_."

He grabbed her arm as she walked away. "Hey, that's not what I meant," he said. "I really like you and I want you to like me back. D'you think this Remus guy is going to make you happy"

_But he does make me happy_, Tonks thought silently. He made her happy just being in the same room as her – which, admittedly, he hadn't been for a while. But seeing him last night had only served to remind her that she didn't feel so comfortable with anyone else – not even Charlie. "Look, Charlie," she said apologetically. "I like you – as a friend. But we don't work as a couple. I'm sorry," she said, and walked away.

2


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

_1990_

Lupin got a fright when he heard the familiar burst from his fireplace that meant someone was contacting him via the Floo network. He got few communications, and most of them were from narrow-minded people who didn't like werewolves living within their midst. And it was the waning of the full moon, which always left him tired and irritable. "Tonks," he said when he saw her standing there. "You gave me a fright."

"Sorry," she said.

"It's fine." He took her in from head to foot. It had been a good six months since he had last seen her, and she was looking good. "You look good," he said admiringly. He had made a point to see as little as possible of her, but even so, every time he saw her, she looked better than the time before. His heart skipped a beat. She wasn't conventionally beautiful, but there was an aura about her, an energy that not many people had.

She blushed. "Thanks," she said.

They stood in awkward silence in what passed for his living room and he became increasingly aware of how shabby his home was compared to hers. "Did you want something?" he asked pointedly.

She blushed. She had hoped he would make this easier for her. She had hoped he would get the point when she had sent him an invitation for her seventeenth – her of-age – birthday months ago. An invitation he had accepted, then not shown up to. She hadn't known what to make of that. "I'm seventeen," she said in a small voice. "A few days ago."

Lupin ran his fingers through his hair, "_Shit_," he said, remembering the invitation that he had accepted. "Sorry, Tonks. I didn't check the calendar when I accepted. That time of the month and all."

She looked confused. "Guys don't – oh," she said, comprehending when Lupin waved vaguely at the window that mean the lunar cycle. She peered at him more closely. Come to think of it, she had never seen him in the days after a full moon – no doubt intentionally on his part. He looked tired and scruffy. "Is it hard?" she asked.

"Not hard exactly... tiring. I get increasingly restless in the few days leading up to it and it takes me a few days to come down from it as well. About ten days in the cycle all up."

"Oh," she said. She'd thought so much about this man in the last two years, and yet she hadn't had a clue about exactly what time and effort was involved with Lupin's cycle. "Well, um, I'm seventeen now, and..." she trailed off, willing Lupin to get the point.

It clicked after a few seconds of pregnant pause. "Shit, Tonks, I didn't think you'd actually take me up on it," he said.

She was confused. "I don't understand. You mean – you never had any intention of – of – you never wanted to be with me."

"I never intended on getting involved with you," Lupin amended, because he knew he wasn't a good enough liar to tell her he had never wanted to be with her. Every time he saw her – the frequency of which he had tried to minimise – he wanted to be with her. That time at the Weasley's it had been all he could do to stop himself launching himself across the table and snatching Tonks from Charlie.

"But – you said!"

"I said it so you wouldn't follow me around like the infatuated teenager that you were!" Lupin said. "Merlin's beard, Tonks, how can you possibly think something could work between us? You're a _student_. I'm a _werewolf_."

"So?"

"So – you need someone your own age. What happened to Charlie Weasley?"

"I didn't like him – that way – not the way I like you," she said, her voice getting slightly hysterical as it sank in that Lupin had had no intention of fulfilling his side of the deal he had made with her eighteen months ago. Recklessly, she threw herself into his arms, wrapping his arms around his neck, trying to kiss him. He pushed her away, scared of what would happen to his resolve if she succeeded in kissing him.

"You need to go home. Find a nice boy who can offer you a proper life," he said coldly.

"I – don't – want – a – nice – boy – or – a – proper – life," she cried hysterically. "I – want – _you_."

"Go home," he said, fighting every instinct to take her in his arms. Eighteen months had done nothing to extinguish his feelings for her. He cared for her more than anyone else living, and it was all he could do to watch her cry because he'd hurt her and not do anything about it.

Realising he had no intention of following through on a promise he'd made to fob off a fifteen-year-old, her eyes flashed angrily. She wasn't yet in full control of her metamorphing abilities, and her eyes went stormy green. "Fuck you!" she yelled at him.

"Tonks!" Lupin said. "Language!"

"Go to hell," she spat. "You don't want me, you cowardly, lying shit? Fine. I'll find someone who will. There are plenty of wizards who'll want me, even if _you_ don't. I'll go to Knockturn Alley and spread my legs for the first wizard who'll have me! I'll – I'll go to the Burrow and let Charlie do whatever he wants to me. He's never stopped wanting me, you know that?" she taunted Lupin. "He's capable of being a man, even if you're not."

Lupin could have dealt with her empty threats about random wizards on Knockturn Alley, but he couldn't handle even the hollow taunt of her with Charlie. The thought of her in bed with him made him sick with jealousy – and possessiveness.

He launched himself at Tonks as she turned to the fireplace, pushing her against the wall and spinning her around so she was facing him, her body wedged between the wall and his body, which was surprisingly strong. She started to protest, but he slammed his mouth against hers and thrust his tongue into her mouth, aggressively searching for hers. All thoughts of protesting abandoned, Tonks flung her arms around him and kissed him back hungrily. She dug his nails in the back of his neck and he responded by wedging his hand between their bodies and grabbing her breast and, when she arched her back, moulding her body into his, he brought his hand to the top of her shirt, grabbed the material in his fist, and yanked it down with all the strength his werewolf physiology possessed, tearing it cleanly down the middle in a second. He slid his hand inside her bra, tweaking her nipples with a rough sensuality that had her bucking against him as best she could, which wasn't much, since she had very little room to move between his body and the wall. "This what you want, little girl?" he asked with rough, lusty condescension, part of him hoping his much older animal side might scare her off, even as he could feel his manhood swelling speedily inside his pants and his barely-contained animal side desperate to have his fill of her.

"Yes!" she almost screamed when he abandoned her mouth to kiss her face and neck. She dug her nails deeper into his neck. This was what she had wanted for two years, and although her sexual experienced had so far been limited to kissing Lupin and Charlie, she had always known it would be like this with him. "Remus, please... before I go crazy."

There was a hint of insane desperation in her voice already, which he recognised in himself. He picked her up with as much ease as if she were a ragdoll and carried her into his bedroom. It was practically the size of her private bathroom, but she didn't care. All that mattered was she was going to be with Remus.

He laid her on the bed with as much gentleness as he could muster in his state of lust and climbed on top of her a second later. He wedged his hand between her thighs, roughly, possessively, and she responded by wrapping her legs around his waist, pushing her pelvis against his, getting a thrill from the feel of his erection. "Remus," she said, loving the sound of his name of her tongue when she was wrapped tightly around him. She brought her hands around to the front of his shirt, unbuttoning it as quickly as she could manage – which wasn't that quick, given she was clumsy to begin with and desire wasn't helping her cause. Finally she managed it and frantically yanked the material off him.

There were old several scars peppering his back, chest and arms; Tonks made a mental note to ask him about those later. She ran her hands along his bare skin, relishing the feel of it under her fingers and the way he bucked and moaned against her touch, demonstrating that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him – and had done so for just as long.

Lupin slid his hands under her back to unclasp her bra, and tossed it on the floor along with his shirt. Next – her skirt, although this meant she had to unwrap her legs from around his waist to do so. For good measure, he yanked down her panties while he was at it so she was completely naked. For a few seconds, he lay on his side, her on her back next to him, drinking in her perfect, nubile body. Then he started kissing her, starting with her mouth, her face, her neck, her collarbone, her breasts, all the while, his hands starting at her stomach and moving downwards, stroking her thighs until she was quivering. "Please, Remus, _please..._" she begged, and he obliged by sliding his fingers inside her. The feel of her, warm, wet and slippery drove him even crazier, and he awkwardly struggled out of his pants as he used his fingers to bring her to orgasm, screaming his name, her nails raking his back, drawing blood.

The orgasm only served to increase her desire, which was good, because he couldn't remember ever being this hot for someone, not even when he had been a horny teenager desperate enough to accept Sirius's cast-offs. He climbed between her spread legs, his penis throbbing with desire. Every animal instinct in him straining at the leash of his human restraints, he wanted to go easy on her but wasn't sure if he could once he started. "Just do it," she whispered urgently, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

So he pushed himself inside her, burying his erection inside her tight, warm wetness. He had known without being told that she was a virgin, and he tried to be gentle with her, but it was never easy this time of the month when his animal side was only just waning, and on top of that was two years of repressed desire for her that made him want to pound her into the mattress and screw her brains out.

Underneath him, he could feel her tense up as he opened her up, broke her in, and knew he was hurting her. She had expected it to be like this – well, maybe not _quite_ this bad – and she wanted to experience every second, every feeling. So when he started the incantation for a charm she knew was intended to dull the pain, she gripped his arms. "Please, don't, Remus," she begged him in a husky voice. "I want to feel all of it."

So he stopped the incantation and continued thrusting inside her. The pain lessened to discomfort and she started to get into it, especially when he brought his hand down between her legs and started stroking her. She bucked against him wildly, although she didn't get very far, so tightly was her body wedged between his and the mattress. Despite her inexperience, she found herself responding and instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, rubbing her legs up and down the side of his body, craving his touch. She moaned in abandonment as he became more frantic in his stroking, crying out his name with increasing wantonness until she spasmed wildly and climaxed in his arms. He thrust a few more times before he buried his face in her neck, ramming himself deep inside her and, with a drawn-out groan, spilt himself inside her.

She held him in her arms, perfectly still, until he lifted his head and kissed her deeply. "How was it?" he asked lazily, a smug smile on his face telling her that he knew damn well it had been good. "Did it hurt too much?"

She stroked his face. "Not as bad as I thought it would," she lied. "That was amazing. I'm glad it was with you."

He kissed her forehead in an oddly chaste way. "I've never been with a virgin before. I kind of like the idea that you're all mine," he admitted.

"I like the idea that I'm all yours, too," she said.

He got off her and she rolled onto her side so he could spoon her. As she did, she winced a little at the discomfort between her legs. "I thought you said it didn't hurt," he admonished her gently.

"I said it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would," she amended.

He stroked her hair. "I wish you'd've come over later in the month," he said, referring to his lunar cycle. "I'm not usually this rough."

She turned to face him. "I can handle rough," she said with a grin. "You don't have to ne so protective."

"I can't help it," he said. "I don't think you understand how special you are. I don't want to corrupt that."

"You care about me, don't you?" she asked.

"More than you know."

"Then I trust you. I know you better than you think, Remus. You think you're this monster but you're not. I wouldn't feel the way I do about you if you were. You're an amazing man and I'm crazy about you. I know you wouldn't hurt me."

He smiled at that and kissed her again. "You'll tell me if I ever do something that makes you uncomfortable?" he asked. "Anything at all. I never want you to feel you have to do something to please me." She nodded, and he saw in her eyes love and affection and trust – three things he didn't often see in people, certainly not people who knew who he was. "Good girl," he said approvingly.

She giggled. "I think you can drop the 'girl', Remus."

He repositioned himself so he was on top of her and started kissing her face and neck. She ran her hands up and down his body. "What're these from?" she asked, tracing one of the scars on his arms.

"When I was younger, before Wolfsbane was created, it was difficult, the full moon. I bit and scratched myself a lot. I've tried removing them – werewolf injuries are particularly nasty."

"I'm sorry."

"You learn to live with it. I made a choice a long time ago to be upfront about what I am with anyone I get involved with – that tends to scare women off more than the scars."

"You must get lonely," she said sympathetically.

"I deal. Besides, I had a certain gorgeous young woman who was determined to go to bed with me," he pointed out. "Speaking of which," he said, grabbing her and effortlessly pulling her on top of him. "Touch me," he directed her, and she obliged, running her hands up and down his chest, over his arms, tracing her scars with his fingers, moving downwards, kissing, caressing him, loving the way his body moved under her touch, the way he whimpered at the sensation. "Tonks," he moaned, becoming more and more aroused the more she touched him and the further down she got. "Tonks, love – ahhh..." he cried out, arching his back as she got to his groin, stroking his manhood gently at first, then with increasing speed and pressure when it became clear how much he enjoyed it. "You don't have to – " he protested weakly when she lowered her head to take him in her mouth.

"I know – I want to," she said, taking his semi-erect penis in her mouth, feeling it swell inside her mouth, savouring the power of knowing she could turn him on. She soon got the hang of it and started sucking it, moving her mouth up and down his shaft, caressing his balls with her hand, feeling him thrash around on the bed with increasing freneticism.

"Tonks, love, I'm going to come," he cried out, giving her notice to pull away if she wanted. She didn't, and he arched his back again and poured himself into her mouth until he was empty – for the time being, at least. "Did I mention I get really horny this time of the month?" he asked with a grin when she crawled up the bed to cuddle up to him.

"No."

"Well, I do. I can go at least another two rounds."

She stretched out lazily in his arms. "I have to get home," she said."My parents don't like me being out late at night."

He stroked her hair. "You should get going then," he said regretfully. "They'll kill me if they know you're with me."

"Scared of my parents?" she teased.

"Of how they'll react when they find out their seventeen-year-old daughter is involved with a thirty-year-old werewolf?" he asked. "Damn straight I am. And you shouldn't be so blasé about it. They were really keen on you being with Charlie Weasley. They won't be happy that you're with me."

"But – I am with you, aren't I?" she asked.

"If you want. I think you'll be happier with someone your own age."

"I don't _want_ anyone my own age, Remus. I only want you. How many times do I have to say that to you?"

Lupin knew that he should insist that she would be better off with someone her own age. But there was a part of him who was selfish and liked the way he felt when he was with her, and he didn't want to give that up. "Just, promise you'll be discreet, OK?" he begged. "If your parents find out, they'll be furious, and I can't say I'd blame them. Promise me," he insisted.

"I promise," she said in a small voice, stunned by the strength of his insistence. "I don't want you to get into trouble, Remus."

"Then start by going home before your parents wonder where you are," Lupin said. He saw her to the fireplace and impulsively, kissed her passionately goodbye. "I wish you could stay," he admitted huskily. "Little minx."

She laughed. "Beats 'good girl', I suppose." He watched her leave, thinking that he should let her go, but lacking the will to push away the best thing that had ever happened to him.


	6. Chapter 6

"Harder, Remus, _harder_," Tonks cried, digging her fingers into the mattress, willing Lupin to screw her harder than he already was. And he was definitely screwing her harder than usual. They had been meeting in secret for two months – that was two lunar cycles, and she understood now what he had meant when he said he got rougher around the full moon. His wolf side took over and he took her more than an animal than a human. And she didn't exactly mind it.

She had learnt that in the days before and after the full moon it was best to wear a skirt – and no panties. She had learnt this after the time she came through the fireplace to have Lupin waiting for her. Within seconds he had her on her hands and knees, tearing at her clothes, his fingers inside her, bringing her to a speedy orgasm in order to get her wet enough for him to penetrate her. This way, he could simply push her skirt over her waist. It was vulgar, and yet vulgar with Lupin felt ten times more respectful than Charlie's attempts to be the gentleman.

So here she was, on her hands and knees with him positioned behind her, thrusting madly, his erection sliding in and out of her ferociously, his balls banging against her ass. What was it about him that made her act so wantonly? What was it about him that made her act like such a slut where Charlie's touch left her cold?

"You're such a horny teenager," Lupin said when it was over and he was lying on his back, her face-down in his arms.

"It must be you," she said. "Charlie never made me feel this way."

Lupin scowled at the mention of Charlie's name. "I told you not to talk about him," he said.

It was in his wolf's nature, she knew, to be possessive. She tried not to let it bother her. After all, his being possessive was a sign that he wanted her all to himself. But it bugged her that she had been with no-one else and he had and you didn't see her making a big deal out of it.

They whiled away a few hours in bed until she had to go home. "I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked. Tomorrow was Sunday.

She shook her head regretfully. "I can't, I go back to school on Monday and my parents expect me to spend tomorrow with them."

He stirred restlessly at the reminder that Tonks still had a year of high school to go. In the idyll of summer holidays, seeing Tonks almost every day, he had managed to put that fact to the back of his mind. Now he was reminded of it. "I'm not going to see much of you now," he said, trying not to sound reproachful because it wasn't like he hadn't known this was coming.

"No," she agreed.

"Listen, Tonks – if something happens when you're at Hogwarts – if you meet someone – I won't blame you. I don't want you to feel deprived of a social life out of loyalty to me."

Tonks's first thought was that it was ludicrous for Lupin to say he wouldn't blame her when he was so possessive already. The next was that he was trying to get rid of her. "You want to break up with me?" she asked, the thought filling her with dread.

"Of course not. I just don't want you to feel tied down. You haven't exactly spent time with loads of people your age this summer. I don't want you to go back to Hogwarts and be attracted to someone your own age and feel bad for it. If you have the opportunity to be happy with someone else, I want you to take it."

She stared at him in shock at what he was suggesting. A boy her own age? How many times did she have to tell him that she didn't want anyone but him? "Or maybe _you_ don't want to feel tied down," she suggested. "Maybe you've had your fun and you're looking for an excuse to get rid of me."

"Tonks! If I wanted to break up with you I'd just say so. I told you, I don't want you to feel tied down."

"I don't feel tied down," she said tearfully. "I don't – want – anyone – but _you_, Remus. Don't you think I've thought about this? That it sucks to feel the way I do about you when it would be so much more convenient to be with – a boy my own age. Do you think I didn't try my damndest to fall for Charlie because I knew how much easier it would be to be in love with him? Merlin's beard, Remus, do you really think I didn't think about what I was getting into? Do you think I wouldn't be crazy about someone else if I could?"

"Don't – talk – about – being with someone else," Lupin growled, insanely jealous at the thought.

"Then don't say crap about wanting me to be with someone else!" she retorted. "I love you and you keep pushing me away!"

"You – what?" he asked her incredulously.

"I – love – you – and you keep pushing me away. Don't touch me!" she cried out when he reached for her. "I don't want you – I don't – I don't!"

She was sobbing hysterically now, the dread of rejection at the forefront of her mind. He pinned her down easily – her usual human strength had nothing on his werewolf strength – and smothered her face with kisses. "My love," he said huskily. "I don't want anyone else to have you. I'm a selfish shit and you deserve someone young and whole but God help me, I don't want anyone else to have you."

At these words, she kissed him back hungrily, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. And then without either of them knowing exactly how, he was inside her, possessing her, declaring his love for her and she was clawing at his back, crying out his name, wanting to drive him further inside her than was humanly possible.

"I'll come over next Hogsmead weekend," he promised when it was over and they lay panting in each other's arms. "I can't wait until the holidays to see you again."

"I'd like that." A weekend in Hogsmead sounded perfect. They could be themselves, go out, not be stuck in this tiny, dingy place that he lived in.

"You'll need to change your appearance. You can't be seen with me."

"Don't remind me."

"Maybe when you're a little older, people won't care so much," he suggested.

"Really?" she asked, smiling at the thought of them being together long enough for her to get older and them still being together.

He grinned at her. "Love, if I'd known I could make you smile like that just by referring to a vague future, I'd've said it weeks ago. Why don't we start with Hogsmead and take it from there?"

* * *

Charlie watched Tonks stride through the cobbled streets of Hogsmead village, plagued by an unsettled feeling of where she was headed. He knew he had to keep sight of her, because once she disappeared from sight, even for a second, she could change into someone else and he'd never find her again.

Tonks knew Charlie was following her. He wasn't doing a very good job – but then, all the Weasleys were too honest and noble to be any good at deceptive behaviour. It was what she liked about him as a friend, although she wished he wasn't so hung up on her as an ex-girlfriend – and they hadn't even gone out for that long. She wondered if she had made him fall in love with her, and felt bad for the way she had used him when she had simply been killing time until she was seventeen.

But what was done was done, and the most important thing right now was to lose Charlie so she could change her appearance – once she had done that, he would never find her.

It was easy enough. She dived into a crowd and divested herself of her Hufflepuff robes. She was wearing nondescript jeans and a t-shirt underneath, a far cry from the eclectic outfits that she favoured. Once that was done, it was easy to shake her hair out into a common medium brown that would be enough to throw Charlie until she got to a mirror and could properly change her look.

She slipped into the Hogs Head pub where Lupin had taken a room, and went to the back where the toilets were. She changed quickly into the appearance of a woman around thirty – the perfect age for Lupin. For good measure, she changed into a second outfit, a plain dark-blue dress with black stockings and black boots. She gave herself the once-over in the cracked, dirty mirror and gave herself a nod of acceptance; no way would anyone think she was a flamboyant seventeen-year-old Hogwarts student.

She made her way through the pub to the upstairs section where the rooms were. She passed owner Albus Dumbledore, and was pleased she had had the foresight to at least change her hair before she entered the pub. Albus was the brother of her Headmaster and though the two brothers were estranged, she didn't want it getting back to Dumbledore that she had been seen in the Hogs Head to go to the room of Remus Lupin.

She knocked on the door and let herself in when she heard a 'come in'. "Tonks" he said, taking in her appearance.

"How did you know it was me?" she asked.

"I can always recognise you," he said. "And I wasn't expecting anyone else." He was sitting on the bed, and he got up. He only meant to kiss her hello, but his chemistry with her being what it was, and the fact he hadn't seen her in weeks, made him abandon that plan the second their lips met. He thrust his tongue into her mouth and pushed her against the wall. "I've missed you," he grunted.

"I missed you, too," she whispered.

He kissed her all over her face and neck, shuddering as he went, inhaling her smell, feeling her skin. In the two months they'd been together before she went back to school, he had gotten to know her body well and he didn't like the way she felt in this body. "Change back," he ordered her. "I feel like I'm cheating on you."

She shook her whole body for a second, returning to her natural appearance. "Good girl," he said before he could think about it. She gave him a pointed look. "Sorry."

"I'm old enough to share your bed, Remus, I think I'm old enough to not be called a girl," Tonks said. Lupin responded by kissing her harder. He lifted her up and carried her to the bed – he had taken her enough times against the wall, or on the floor to know he much preferred the bed. They quickly undressed each other and were soon thrashing around in bed, their bodies entwined as one. "I've missed you," Lupin said as they lay in bed afterwards. "I can't wait for this year to be over."

She snuggled into him. She liked it when he said things like that, references to their future. It had to get easy once she was finished at Hogwarts. People wouldn't be so quick to judge them once she had finished school.

"Let's go out," Lupin suggested. "We may as well enjoy it."

So she changed back, and they left the Hog's Head holding hands, her leaning into him and feeling on top of the world. It wasn't ideal, but she was still out in public with her boyfriend, browsing through the shops of Hogsmead. "I'm glad we did this," she said.

"Mmmm," Lupin agreed. He took her to the site of the Shrieking Shack and filled her in on the full moons he had spent there. And yet for all that his life had been miserable, cursed by his affliction, he was surprisingly un-bitter about it, more concerned for her security than his affliction. They were sitting on the ground near the fence that blocked off the Shack, her sitting between his legs, his arms wrapped around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder. "I'm really happy, love," he said. "_You_ make me really happy."

She craned her neck so she was facing him. "I much prefer 'love' to 'good girl'," she said, and kissed him. Lupin twisted them around and pushed her onto the ground so he was on top of her. They were kissing like any couple in love, and while he didn't much like her new appearance, he loved being with her in public...

... Charlie watched them for a short way away. When he had lost sight of Tonks, he decided the best way to find her was to find Lupin. She had changed her appearance into something quite plain – he didn't like it at all. He had been driven by jealousy and a determination to learn once and for all that she was seeing him.

He had no doubt that it was her. It was too coincidental – the way they had looked at one another at his place, the way she had never really been into him, the way she had changed her appearance when she would have had no good reason to if she was up to something legitimate – that he was with someone other than her, no matter how she looked. He watched them enviously, knowing she had never kissed him like that, realising now from the frantic way she was touching him that her responses when he had touched her had been faked.

Jealously, he turned and walked away.

* * *

"You should get going," Lupin said half-heartedly between frantic kisses.

"I know," she said just as half-heartedly.

"I mean it. You should get going. Hardly anyone stays out all night. I don't want Dumbledore sending an owl to your parents. I'll see you next Hogsmead weekend."

Reluctantly, Tonks left to go back to Hogwarts with the promise of seeing him again next Hogwarts weekend.

She was making her way to the Great Hall when she felt someone grab her arm. "I saw you with him," Charlie said.

Icy fear gripped her. She knew he had been following her; had he worked out her disguise? "I've no idea what you're talking about," she said.

"Long dark hair. You looked about thirty. Really plain dress, not at all what you usually wear," Charlie recited.

"You were following me!" she said, deciding it was best to take the indignant route.

"I wanted to know if you were seeing him!" Charlie retorted. "God, what do you see in him?" he asked, the disgust in his tone obvious.

"I see the kindest, most gentle man who doesn't ask me to change my appearance for him," she said coolly.

"I never asked you to change your appearance for me!" Charlie said indignantly. "_You_ did that because it was easier than returning my feelings. Besides," he taunted, "if he doesn't ask you to change your appearance, what exactly was what I saw?"

"That's different. I can't be recognised with him."

"My God, Tonks, did you _hear_ what you just said? Did it ever occour to you that if you can't be seen with him as yourself maybe you shouldn't be seeing him at all?"

His words cut her deep precisely because there was some truth to it. She couldn't afford to be seen with him because people wouldn't understand. "People don't understand him," she said. She didn't dare tell him that part of why he was misunderstood was his werewolf status. If Charlie didn't understand what she saw in someone that much older than her, he'd never understand what she saw in a werewolf.

"You know what? _I_ don't understand you. How can you stand to have him touch you? Do your parents know?" he asked shrewdly.

Her heart gripped with fear. "You wouldn't dare," she said. "And it won't make me stop seeing him, either. I'm seventeen, I'm of age. It will just get him into trouble."

Charlie looked into her eyes and knew she was serious. And he had no issue with Lupin beyond the fact Tonks was so infatuated with him. And the fact she had pointed out she was of age confirmed that she was sleeping with him. He felt sick with jealousy and impulsively, he leaned in and kissed her. He pushed her against the wall so she was wedged between him and the wall – if he would let Lupin kiss her like that, she could let him kiss her like that.

She pushed him away, shocked, and to add insult to injury, wiped her mouth with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry I used you," she said quietly. "I never meant to hurt you. But I'm in love with him. I have been for a while."

Charlie's eyes flashed with hurt and rejection. "You'd rather be with him than me?" he asked. She nodded slightly, hating the look in his eyes and wishing she had never gotten involved with him. "Fine," he said. "I hope you're _very happy_ together," he said, his voice telling her he doubted that very much.

* * *

"Love, what's the matter?" Lupin asked when he saw a highly distressed Tonks. She had taken a risk in coming here, using the Floo network from Hogwarts and running a high risk of having someone notice she was gone. "Whatever it is, you didn't cheat on me, and it can't be any worse than that."

She sniffled. "How do you know I didn't?" she asked. She could still taste Charlie's kiss on her lips, although she had brushed her teeth thoroughly and gone through half a bottle of mouthwash.

"Werewolves have a highly developed sense of smell. Though I'm picking up a strong smell of me so possibly you did and I can't tell." He was attempting to joke and it fell flat. "Hey, I wasn't serious." He embraced her and thought he picked up the smell of another man on her and for a brief moment wondered if she _had_ been with someone else and felt a familiar surge of jealousy. "What happened?" he asked.

"It's Charlie," she sobbed. "He followed me and saw us together. I thought I'd lost him, so he just found you. Remus, he threatened to tell my parents."

"Do you think he was serious?"

"I don't know. I don't think so. I told him it wouldn't make me stop seeing you and I think he believed me. Oh, God, what am I going to do?"

Lupin was thinking quickly. "There's not much we _can_ do love," he said. "Except hope for the best. It sounds like he still cares about you, maybe that will play in our favour. I know I was prepared to see you happy with him, maybe he'll feel the same way."

"He's not mature like you."

"You might be surprised. And you can't do anything about it. The worst that will happen is your parents will find out, and they can't do anything about it." Tonks nodded against his chest, not exactly reassured by his words – if he was really unconcerned about her parents being able to do anything about it, he would never insisted on discretion – but feeling calmer now that she was in his arms. "Love, you need to get back to school. If he realises you're gone, it might push him over the edge. Just stay calm, OK?" She nodded. "Good girl."

"I told you not to call me that."

"Well, you're _my_ girl, and no-one's going to tell me otherwise."

* * *

"You're kidding me," Percy Weasley said when his older brother filled him in on what he'd seen that day. He'd never understood the appeal of Tonks, but he could kind of see why his two older brothers would like her. "He's, like, practically old enough to be my dad."

"That did occour to me, Perce," Charlie said irritably. "He's the same age as James Potter so he's certainly old enough to be Ron and Ginny's dad."

"Well, are you going to tell Dumbledore?" Percy asked.

"And say what, exactly? She's seventeen, it's perfectly legal... just gross. And besides, how d'you think I'll look? Like a jealous ex," he said, aware of the irony that he _was_ behaving like a jealous ex.

"Fine, _I'll_ tell him," Percy said, the would-be prefect in him coming forward at the thought of dobbing in someone whose behaviour was, if not illegal, then definitely unethical. Plus, he would get to strike a blow for his brother – even if he didn't think much of his taste in girlfriends.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Thanks for the feedback. Sorry for any mistakes - I don't have a beta, so I'm relying solely on my spell and grammar checkers. Any volunteers for beta-ing would be greatly appreciated :p**

_Crap_, Lupin thought when he saw Dumbledore in his fireplace. Part of him had been expecting this ever since Charlie had confirmed that he and Tonks were seeing each other. And he currently had her in his bedroom, wearing not much.

Despite himself, he felt guilty, and knew his thoughts were at the forefront of his brain. Dumbledore was a talented Legilimens, as Lupin had discovered in his time at Hogwarts when he had been reluctant to share his thoughts and feelings regarding to lycanthropy. Lupin squirmed and felt like an eleven-year-old again. "I understand you have a certain metamophmagus over," Dumbledore said dryly, reading Lupin's mind easily – his thoughts were coming off him strongly, he practically had them written on his face. "Nymphodora, you may as well come out, save me having to repeat myself," he called through the small apartment.

A few minutes later, Tonks emerged from the bedroom, looking flushed and harried. "I was curious why you turned down my generous offer," Dumbledore said calmly. "I'm aware how difficult it is for you to find work."

Tonks looked at Lupin in confusion. "He offered you a job?" she asked. "At Hogwarts?" Lupin nodded slightly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to be that close to you," he said. He could feel the heat of Dumbledore's gaze on him, taking in their shared chemistry and he felt he sounded like a horny teenager. But it had been his main reason for turning down the Hogwarts job – as much as he could have done with a stable position with a boss who didn't judge him for being a werewolf, he didn't trust himself to be so close to Tonks and could easily picture things going haywire – the opportunity to steal kisses in the shadows, the temptation to call her into his office under any excuse. No, it was definitely for the best that he hadn't taken the position.

"I'm beginning to see why young Charlie Weasley is so annoyed," Dumbledore said mildly, his comment mostly directed at Tonks. "To be honest, I never felt you were all that attracted to him. Now I know why."

"I never meant to get involved with her," Lupin insisted.

"I already figured that out," Dumbledore said, and Lupin got the impression he'd been practicing Legilimency on him just then, extracting his thoughts with such subtlety that he hadn't even felt it. "The question now is – how are you going to proceed?"

"You can't make us stop seeing each other," Tonks spoke up, grabbing Lupin's hand possessively and looking defiantly.

Dumbledore laughed good-naturedly at that. "My dear, I learnt long ago that it was futile trying to convince a Black to part with their beliefs," he said. Lupin himself resisted the urge to laugh at the certain truth of that. Andromeda and Tonks might be very different to Andromeda's sisters, but just as Andromeda and Tonks were determined to be with the men they loved, convention and respectability be damned, so Narcissa and Bellatrix determinedly held onto their beliefs of maintaining pure blood. "I was hoping to appeal to _your_ better nature," Dumbledore said, addressing Lupin.

Lupin took a deep breath. If there was anyone he could give Tonks up for, it would be Dumbledore. The man had not only admitted him into Hogwarts, he had done everything he could do accommodate his lycanthropy. Dumbledore had been the first to treat Lupin like a human being since he had been bitten, and if he were asking for anything else, Lupin would have been prepared to part with it. But not this. "I'm sorry, I can't," he said. "I love her."

Tonks gasped and squeezed his hand. He had often called her 'love' and 'my love' but never said he loved her. "You realise what you'll be exposing her to if you continue to see her?" he asked.

"Of course I realise. I tried to keep my distance. She kept – she was rather insistent," he said, realising how lame it sounded to blame a seventeen-year-old for a thirty-year-old being unable to turned her down. "Anything else – but I won't give her up."

Dumbledore nodded. "I thought you would say that. How, then, do you plan on dealing with Andromeda and Ted? They won't be happy," he said.

"They can't stop us," Lupin said.

"I think you'll find there's a vast difference between what they can do legally and what they're prepared to do off the record," Dumbledore said sagely. The power of protective parents was mighty – you only had to look at Harry Potter for proof. But there was clearly no moving them. "I can see you're determined to go through with this," he said. "Very well, then, I will leave you to your own devices. Nymphodora, I'd appreciate it if you stopped using the Hufflepuff fireplace to transport here. Professor Sprout had expressed her concern over your absence. I bid you good-day," he said, waving goodbye to the two lovers before disappearing in the fireplace.

Tonks turned to Lupin. "What do you do now?" she fretted.

"It'll be OK."

"_How_?" she asked.

"I don't know," he admitted. "But I'm not going to give you up." He sighed fretfully and began pacing the room. "If you were smart, you would leave me," he said.

"You won't give me up but you're telling me to give _you_ up?" she asked. "No deal. Can you – please – stop it," she begged when he wouldn't stop pacing."I could really do with being held right now."

"Of course. Sorry," he said distractedly. He crossed the room and led her to the shabby couch, taking her in his arms. "It'll be alright," he crooned in her ear. "I love you." But she could hear it in his voice that wasn't sure if putting her through this was such a good idea.

* * *

"This was definitely a good idea," Lupin said. Andromeda and Ted were away for the week, and Tonks had suggested – actually, more like _insisted_ – that they spend a few days at her place rather than in his small, shabbily furnished apartment. It was far more spacious and luxurious than his place. "I'm glad you talked me into it." He stretched out luxuriously on Tonks's bed. "What is this?" he asked.

"Hippogriff feather."

"Sounds pricey."

She grinned at him. "Why d'you think I suggested you come here? It's much nicer than yours." She cuddled up to him, draping an arm across his chest. "My grand-dad's will was such that it couldn't be broken by mum's _betrayal_ – " she stressed the word, intending for it to sound ironic, " – and then Bellatrix forfeited her share when she was convicted so mum and Narcissa inherited half each. I heard Narcissa and Lucius went mental over it, they were hoping for the lot."

"So that means if we ever get married and have kids, it flows on to them," Lupin said, picturing the look on Narcissa Malfoy's face should the Black family money filter down in that fashion.

"Are you serious?" Tonks asked.

"About having kids... theoretically, I guess. I've looked into it. There's no set answer – I mean, in regards to my kids inheriting the werewolf thing – we're more inclined to breed by biting – but from what I can gather, it mostly depends on the time of conception. The closer it is to the middle of the month, the better."

Tonks's eyes went wide; she had never thought about falling pregnant. "I never thought – " she started to say.

"It's OK," he said. "I did. I worked out a potion that works for me years ago. Actually, Lily did. She was a dab hand with potions. I didn't like relying on women to be responsible for contraceptive charms and they tend to be mistrustful of condoms."

"Of what?"

"They're a muggle contraceptive for men. I liked them but some people are really distrustful of anything muggle. So now women can use their charms to their hearts content and I'll stick with my potion."

"I had no idea," she said. "I should have asked earlier."

"Love, it's fine. I've been dealing with it for a long time. I prefer being responsible for my own contraception. There's far more potential to go wrong with a pregnancy with me and I'd rather be in control of it myself."

She trailed random patterns on his chest. "People really misunderstand you," she said, meaning werewolves in general. "You're the most responsible person I know."

He laughed ruefully at that. "Actually, no, they don't. Werewolves in general are pretty vicious. They guy who bit me believed it was his goal in life to create an army. He took things something to the extreme but in general they don't give a damn about who gets hurt in the process of satiating their desires." He grinned and reached for a nipple. "Kinda like me close to a full moon."

She smiled at him coyly. She liked both sides of Lupin – the rough, animal side that he was close to a full moon, and the softer, more gentle side he was the further away it got from the full moon. She reached out for his penis and started stroking it until he was well and truly hard. He straddled her and she grabbed his hips, guiding him into her, shuddering with pleasure when he was inside her. "Remus," she cried as he began pumping her. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and clawed his back – he was no more disinclined towards roughness than she was. "Ahhh..."

At that point, Ted and Andromeda came home early to hear moaning coming from their daughter's room. They rushed in, thinking she was being tortured – it was an ongoing fear that someone might try to take revenge for Andromeda so-called betrayal out on Tonks – to find her going at it with their so-called friend, that werewolf Remus Lupin. The first thought for both of them was that he had forced himself on her, but within a few seconds it began clear from the way she was crying out his name that it was fully consensual. And from the way she had her legs wrapped around his waist and was digging her fingers into his back – not to mention the healing scratches that, given a werewolf's built-in healing abilities, could only be a day or two old – this wasn't the first time. Nymphodora Tonks had well and truly been deflowered by Remus Lupin.

Neither of them noticed Ted and Andromeda, they were so wrapped up in their pleasure. Lupin released a drawn-out groan, thrust hard into her and obviously climaxed. The thought of him spilling himself inside her daughter made Andromeda shudder with disgust, and it was enough to attract both their attentions. With a gasp of shock, Lupin scrambled off her, grabbing the comforter as he went to cover their nudity. "Out!" he gasped to Tonks's parents. He scrambled for his want, hoping they wouldn't perform a counter-spell before he could force them out of the room, but they obeyed his command and exited the room, shutting the door behind them with a wave of Ted's wand.

"_Shit_," Lupin said, fumbling for his clothes. "I thought you said they weren't back until the weekend. _Shit_," he repeated. This was _not_ the way he wanted them to find out about him and Tonks. It felt sneaky, deceitful. Not to mention dirty. He was thirty years old, his days of having parents walk in on him having sex should be long over. But then, that was what he got for dating a teenager.

She was crying. "They said they wouldn't be back!" she sobbed. "Do you think they suspected something?"

"They sure as hell do now," he said sarcastically. His tone only served to make Tonks cry harder. "Love, I'm sorry. This just _really_ isn't the way I wanted them to find out." He'd had fantasies of them coming clean to be received by their approval which he had known was unlikely to happen, but was still a pleasant daydream. He leaned in to kiss her. "It'll be OK," he said, lying through his teeth, because he knew he could never make it be OK, having been caught out under these circumstances. "We'll get through it." He kissed her again, long and deep, because something told her he wouldn't be kissing her much anymore. Ted might understand what it was like to love a woman who was far above you, but Andromeda never would.

He waited for her to dress, took her hand and led her out of the room. Ted and Andromeda were waiting outside the room. Ted lunged at her and struck her hard across the cheek. "You slut!" he spat at her. "And you," he said, addressing Lupin –

Lupin already had his wand out, unable to just stand there and watch the woman he loved be struck violently. "You hurt her again and you'll answer to me," he growled.

"You _touch_ her again and you'll answer to me," Ted retorted, although he was clearly rattled by a furious Lupin. He had always known that his anger and aggression flared up around the full moon, but he had never actually witnessed it until now. A thought occurred to him. "Merlin's beard, you were exposing her to that side of you!" he yelled at him.

"He's not dangerous, dad!" Tonks cried.

"Shut up!" Ted yelled at her. "You," he addressed Lupin, pointing his wand at his chest. "Get out. I'll kill you if I see you here again."

"I'll leave if I have your word you won't hurt her," Lupin said quietly.

"You're not in a position to bargain," Andromeda said with a haughty sneer and for a moment Lupin was struck by how much she looked like Bellatrix.

"I'm not leaving until I have your word," Lupin repeated. Especially when she was looking so much like her sister; he had no intention of leaving Tonks with the woman who looked so much like Bellatrix LeStrange, at least not without her word that she wouldn't hurt Tonks.

Andromeda glowered at Lupin as she realised that he had no intention of leaving without her word. "Fine," she said.

"I'll know if you do," he growled.

"I told you, you have my word," she said, offended that he didn't believe her and a little frightened of him right now. She had no doubt that he was capable of extracting revenge for any hurts inflicted on her daughter, if only out of his animal's sense of entitlement that he had taken her virginity so now she was her possession. "Now get... out."

But he didn't go immediately. He turned to Tonks and said softly, "You can come to me for anything, OK?" She nodded. "I'm going, I'm going," he said when Andromeda waved her wand at him menacingly. With a long backwards glance at Tonks, he reluctantly departed from the house.

* * *

"Tonks! Love, you look awful," Lupin growled. He should have known that they wouldn't keep their word. "Come, sit down. What happened?"

He led her to the couch, his arm wrapped around her waist; she looked ready to collapse. Tearfully, she recounted how Andromeda had inflicted a series of nasty gashes across her face, arms and back in a fit of fury. "I should have known," Lupin muttered angrily. Andromeda might have been frightened of him yesterday, when he had been there, but as soon as he had left she would have felt safer in her own home. He ran his wand over her face, to little avail. "I can't fix these, love," he said. They looked suspiciously like the slow-healing wounds that were impervious to magic and had to heal like a regular muggle wound. Bellatrix had excelled at them and it wouldn't surprise Lupin in the slightest that there had been a lot of practice going on in the Black household. "You should go to Pomfrey. Or Snape."

"And tell them what? That my mum attacked me after she caught me in bed with my werewolf boyfriend who's almost twice my age?" she asked bitterly.

He kissed her forehead in one of the spots that wasn't gashed or bruised. Sadly he realised that his relationship with her couldn't continue. Andromeda's reaction had been extreme, but he didn't blame her for being angry, and if he insisted on continuing his relationship with Tonks, he knew there was a good change her parents would force her to choose between them and him. And Tonks was sentimental enough to choose him, and he knew he couldn't let her do that. "Come into the kitchen, I'll make you a hot chocolate," he said.

She allowed him to lead her into the kitchen and sank into one of the chairs. "Thanks for taking me," she said.

"I'm hardly going to throw you out," he said, feeling guilty because that was _exactly_ what he was planning on doing.

"I can't believe she did this."

"She's angry, love. She wanted something better for you than me."

"She likes you well enough."

"As a friend, yes. As a potential son-in-law, not so much. I don't blame her, love. She shouldn't have reacted that way but I don't blame her for wanting something better than me."

"I'm seventeen, I can see who I want," she insisted, accepting the hot chocolate. She took a long drink of it. "This is good," she said distractedly. "I feel so empty."

"You can be seventy and you'll still be her little girl," Lupin said diplomatically. "Hell, it took me a while to stop seeing you as a little girl."

"Why are you defending her?" Tonks asked suspiciously.

"She's your mum. And she's a good mum, most of the time at least. She certainly beats either of your aunts."

She suddenly realised what he was doing, be so defending of her mother, as the effects of the strong sedative potion he'd mixed in with her hot chocolate. "You bastard..." she spat. "You can't make me go back to her – you _can't_..."

He stopped her from sliding off her chair as she dropped off and carried her back to the couch. "Forgive me, love," he whispered, cradling her in his arms. "This is for the best." He held her in his arms for a few seconds, savouring the feel of her, vowing to remember it because it was the last he would have of her.

He contacted Ted and Andromeda via the Floo network. "I've got her, I've given her a sedative," he said. Andromeda started to protest at him drugging her daughter, and his patience snapped. "Oh, shut up," he said. "You're lucky I didn't encourage her to report you. She would have run off if she'd known what I was trying to do. You can come and get her, but so help me, if you hurt her again I'll return the favour. And don't think I won't find out. It took me less than a day to find out this time."

Ted and Andromeda arrived a few minutes later. "She's on the couch," Lupin said.

"Thankyou," Andromeda said stiffly. Then, "I'm sorry. I overreacted last night."

"Damn straight you did. She's the sweetest girl who fell in love with someone she shouldn't have. I _tried_ to make her work on her relationship with Charlie. She only wanted me."

"And you wanted her?" she asked dully.

"Yeah, I did. I still do," he admitted flatly. "But I'm leaving. She'll get over me once I'm not around."

"You're leaving?" Andromeda echoed.

"Yeah. She'll keep trying to get in touch with me if I don't and she deserves better than me. It's best for everyone if I drop off the radar for a few years."

Andromeda let the news sink in and it occurred to her that maybe Lupin really did love her daughter – enough that he realised in order to do the right thing by her in the long-term he had to hurt her in the short-term. But in that case, why did he give into her come-ons in the first place? She was just a kid who didn't know better, whereas he was an adult who didn't have that excuse. Especially from an adult who knew how dangerous he could be. "Thankyou," she said. "We won't forget this."

"It's only what I should have done in the first place," he said. "Can I – can I just have a moment with her?" he asked. Andromeda looked like she was going to refuse him, then decided it was best to grant a last request to someone who could turn her daughter against her, and she nodded slightly. He walked over to the couch and kneeled next to her. "Love," he whispered soft enough that Andromeda and Ted couldn't here, although hopefully she could hear through the sedative he had given her. "I'm sorry I had to do that. But it's for the best and I think you'll realise that soon enough. Find someone who's young and whole, he'll make you much happier than I ever could. I love you." And he leaned in to kiss her forehead.

Abruptly he got up. "You can take her," he said stiffly, and walked to the bedroom, shutting it behind him and sealing it for good measure, sealing himself off from the person he had loved most in the world and who he had to let go of for her own good.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Thanks for all your reviews. I got a request for an extra chapter in light of a custody situation so I obliged. And yes, iheartmoony, I had it in mind that maybe her folks could have accepted their relationship had they been upfront from the beginning – I think to find out like that does far more damage than just saying from the start 'this is the situation'. This chapter is set in the first canon year of Harry Potter, first year.**

_1991_

Tonks made all the appropriate noises as Charlie did his best to turn her on, although in reality she was bored and wished he would finish already. She simply wasn't attracted to him, for all he tried hard to arouse her.

After he was finished she turned onto her stomach, her long blond hair fanned out across her back. Charlie ran his fingers through her hair. He still loved that particular look on her, although now that he was aware she only did it to please him, the pleasure had been diminished somewhat. "How was that?" he asked eagerly.

"Great," she said as enthusiastically as she could muster. Charlie frowned. No matter what he tried, he couldn't make her happy. Jealously he remembered seeing her with Lupin. Clearly, _he_ turned her on, so what had he been doing that Charlie hadn't mastered?

He had thought that with Lupin's disappearance, she would get over him. She had moped her way through the rest of their last year at Hogwarts, throwing herself into her studies but clearly desperately unhappy. He had thought that if he could be her friend and she got used to the idea of being with someone her own age he could make her happy. So far, all he had achieved was at best passing enthusiasm. And it only seemed to be getting worse, as if everything he did increasingly reminded her that he wasn't Lupin.

He rubbed his hand across her back and she murmured appreciatively. She welcomed his touch so long as it wasn't sexual; he was beginning to think that she was more inclined to see him as a brother; despite the fact the things they did together were hardly sibling-like. "Love?" he asked her.

She tensed up immediately. "Don't call me that," she said shortly.

She had told him not to call her 'love' before, and while he had never asked and she had never volunteered, he suspected it was because that was _his_ name for her. "Tonks," he corrected himself. She made a murmuring sound that he took as consent to continue with his question. "I was thinking of going to Romania. I have a job offer there, working with dragons."

"You should take it," she said immediately. "There aren't that many jobs out there for people so young." It was part of what he loved about her; she understood how much working with dragons meant to him. His mother, for one, was reluctant to see him too far from London, let alone on the other side of Europe.

"The thing is," he said, "I was hoping you would come with me."

He knew from the way she tensed up again what her answer was. "And where," she asked coolly, "would I get the kind of Ministry training I need?" Being an Auror was something she had been interested in for almost her entire seven years at Hogwarts. The geographical locations of their chosen fields were mutually exclusive; the kind of first-class training that she could get with the London-based Ministry of Magic wasn't available in Romania, and dragons were officially banned in the UK.

"I was thinking we could do the long-distance thing," he suggested.

"They never work," she replied.

"Because you have so much personal experience with relationships," he pointed out sarcastically. She had confided in him that she'd only slept with two people, which made him feel a little insecure, because that was one more then he had. But then, he'd never had a raging libido like some of the boys in his year. There had only ever been two things that he'd been really crazy about, dragons and Tonks.

"I only ever got to see Remus on Hogsmead weekends and holidays," she reminded him. "It sucked."

"Yeah, but now you wouldn't have to sneak around and change your appearance," he pointed out.

"I wouldn't have had to sneak around and change my appearance if it hadn't been for judgemental people," she retorted.

"Sor -_ree_," he said. "Look, babe, I don't want to fight with you. I want you to come to Romania with me. It'll be great. We could get our own place, travel – it will be fun."

"Fun for you. What would I get out of it?"

"You sound like your cousin," Charlie teased. His youngest brother was in the same year as Draco Malfoy, who he found to be a spoilt brat. He got a filthy look for his troubles. "Damnit, Tonks, I'm really trying here and all I'm getting for my troubles is a smart mouth."

"You knew what you were getting into." She saw the look on Charlie's face and knew she had gone too far. He was really in love with her and she just went along with it because he was willing to put in all the work. She should never have gotten re-involved with him. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"I do. It's _him_, isn't it?" Tonks gave a non-committal shrug when Charlie took to mean _yes_. "What's wrong with you?" he demanded. "He left you. For your own good, from what I hear. He knew you wouldn't be happy with someone that much older, so why can't _you_ learn it."

She got out of bed and started getting dressed. "You think I haven't tried, Charlie?" she demanded, her back to him. "You think I didn't hate having to sneak around and change my appearance? You think I don't know how much happier I'd be if I could fall for someone my age? I _know_ all that and I can't stop thinking about him."

"Even when you're with me?" he asked flatly. She nodded slightly.

"I think you should go to Romania," she told Charlie sadly. "I can't make you happy any more than you can make me happy."

_And I can't stop thinking about you any more than you can stop thinking about him_, he thought to himself.

2


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for reading and reviewing, guys! This chapter's set in third-year, **_**Prisoner of Azkaban**_.

_1993_

"Sir?" Harry Potter asked nervously to his new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Remus Lupin. He had thought he'd recognised Lupin on the train, and the more classes he took under him, the more his suspicions were confirmed. He had met Lupin before, when he was seven years old, in kindergarten. "I was wondering if you might be able to answer me a question. Were you, um, by any chance – "

"The person who came to see you at school when you were seven?" Lupin asked. He had known straight away what Harry was about to ask. The boy was remarkably precocious and it didn't surprise Lupin that he had remembered him all the years. "That was me. I just wanted to check up on you. It wasn't my most brilliant of ideas."

"I liked you," Harry mused. "You seemed so nice. For a long time I hoped that you were prospective adoptive parents come to take me away."

Lupin grinned despite himself. "Sorry, but we were already breaching the rules by getting in touch with you anyway. Dumbledore wouldn't have been impressed if we'd just grabbed you. For what it's worth, we wanted to. Tonks was really upset. I think she would have dome a few demonstrations on your cousin about how bullying sucks if I hadn't been there."

"I'm sorry, _Tonks_?"

"Her name's Nymphodora Tonks. She's refused to answer to her first name for about ten years. Her parents get away with it, but woe betide anyone else who tries it."

Harry looked puzzled. "I thought she was about your age?" he asked. "Wouldn't that make her older than refusing to answer to her first name for ten years?"

"She would be..." Lupin pretended to think about it, because he preferred acting like he was entirely indifferent to anything about Tonks. "... Twenty. She's a metamophmagus – a shape-shifter in muggle terms. That's why I co-opted her, with any luck if we _did_ get caught no-one would trace it back to her. But we didn't, so it was a moot point."

"Do you still see her? I'd like to meet her," Harry said.

Lupin's heart skipped a beat. He had known this was coming. He had known it was a risk, taking on this job when Dumbledore and at least Percy Weasley knew of his relationship with Tonks. He was surprised Percy hadn't gone blabbing to the rest of his family, but on second thoughts, from what he'd heard of the boy, he took himself very seriously and probably liked having such a secret between him and Charlie. And Charlie had gone to Romania. Lupin assumed this meant his relationship with Tonks was well and truly kaput, because he had found out easily enough that she was studying to be an Auror.

At any rate, it was clear that Harry's best friend Ron Weasley had no idea of the history he shared with Tonks, and the thought of teaching Harry was too good an opportunity to pass up. "Sorry," Lupin said, realising he'd been lost in la-la land for a few seconds. "No, I don't."

Harry was clearly hoping that he would offer to track her down, and Lupin was not about to make that offer. So after a length pause, instead he asked, "Did you know my parents?" Lupin nodded. "What were they like?"

"Your dad was something of a prankster – sort of the forerunner to the twins. Your mum was one of the sweetest women I ever met. You look a lot like him, actually. Except – "

"For my eyes, yeah, I know," Harry interrupted. "And what about Sirius Black?"

_Now we get to the point_, Lupin thought. "We were all in the same grade together," he said. "I didn't have a lot of contact with him in the last year or so before he went to Azkaban so I have no idea what his mindset was like. All i can say is he would have been the last person I could think of to do what he did. Though I'm sure that's of no comfort to you."

Harry smiled painfully, and Lupin wished he had more comforting news. But the reality was, Sirius Black had chosen to betray his so-called best friend for reasons no-one knew of... and the most likely answer was that he had decided he would rather have the power Voldermort was offering him than the knowledge that he was one of the good guys.

* * *

Lupin was attempting to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, although certain Slytherines were doing their damndest to upset the flow of the class. Draco Malfoy in particular resented that Lupin was not interested in a person's blood status or even talent – you only had to look at Neville Longbottom to know that a good person with the right encouragement could flourish. But Draco had a particular issue with Gryffindor and the fact that Lupin had been a Gryffindor himself was not lost of him. Neither was the fact he wasn't exactly a wealthy man.

"Filthy mudblood," Draco hissed at Hermione, loud enough for Lupin to hear but soft enough that he could always deny it and complain that the professor had been listening in on his conversation.

Lupin heard it, and knew Draco was expecting him to respond with a reprimand about using such language. Instead, he smiled sweetly. "It's funny you should say that, Draco, because one of the most talented young witches I ever met was your cousin."

Draco responded by glowering; he didn't like to be reminded of his relationship to the Tonkses, although he knew _exactly_ who Lupin was referring to - and that she did indeed have a reputation as a very talented witch. "I don't have a cousin," he said haughtily.

Lupin's smile grew wider and sweeter. "Sure you do," he said amiably. "Nymphodora, remember?"

There were grins in the class as they realised Lupin had put Draco on the spot. It was a well-known fact that Narcissa had an older sister who had married a muggle-born wizard and did indeed have a half-blood witch daughter who was extraordinarily talented. "We don't associate with her," Draco said coolly, but the damage had been done. Lupin had reminded everyone in the class that Draco could claim kinship to a half-blood who was highly talented - possibly even more talented than him.

"You didn't need to do that, sir," Hermione said to Lupin after class. "It will only make him even angrier."

Lupin shrugged. "I was never going to make friends with the Malfoys," he said in that same amiable tone. "And it's amusing to remind them that Andromeda managed to produce a very talented young witch who was only a half-blood. I think that annoyed them more than anything else. If Tonks had been a squib, they all could have had a good laugh and say that's what she got for marrying a muggle-born. Far worse that Bellatrix never had children and Draco may not measure up to Tonks's talent."

"You knew them well?" Hermione asked with interest, and Lupin realised he'd said too much.

"They were part of the fight against Voldermort in the first wizarding war so I got to know them through that. But, ironically, we all got a little blasé after Voldermort was vanquished and a lot of friendships fell by that wayside." he hoped that satisfied Hermione's curiosity, although he doubted it. She was just as smart and inquisitive as Tonks had been at that age, except Tonks had been in love with him and therefor disinclined to dig too deeply into his past.

* * *

Lupin was having a casual chat with Harry when Snape interrupted them. Snape, he knew, had never forgiven him by extension of a childish prank of Sirius's. It was, Lupin had to concede, a pretty stupid prank and Lupin didn't entirely blame Snape for begrudging them endangering his safety – but it had been twenty years ago. Surely by now he could let by-gones be by-gones?

But he had to rely on Snape for his Wolfsbane, and in all fairness, Snape was one of the best Potions makers around – possibly even better than Lily, who had never had the luxury of thirty years to hone her skills and knowledge. Snape's Wolfsbane was by far the best Lupin had ever had, making it the easiest transformation with the least amount of side-effects.

"Thankyou," Lupin said, his innate good nature hoping that a little politeness might go a long way. Besides, he didn't want to look petty in front of Harry. "I have some health problems, and Snape makes one of the best potions around," he explained to Harry.

Snape ignored his thankyou. "Tell me, Remus," he said, stressing his name contemptuously, "have you heard from Nymphodora Tonks lately? I was just recently having the most pleasant discussion with Andromeda and she talked about how her daughter you to look up to you. Positively _adored _you, she said."

Lupin gritted his teeth. He knew perfectly well that no such conversation had ever taken place, because Andromeda had never been convinced that Snape had turned his back on Voldermort. Which meant Snape was either taking a shot in the dark or knew something about his relationship with Tonks. What, Lupin wasn't sure, because the Tonkses and Snape didn't exactly have loads of friends, or even acquaintances, in common, which meant it was likely that he was simply taking a shot in the dark. "Can't say I've had the pleasure," he said pleasantly. "You know how it is, people drift apart. I heard she did really well, though. She and Charlie Weasley knocked your guys out of the top stop."

Lupin knew he shouldn't antagonise Snape when he relied on him for his Wolfsbane and he may or may not know something about his relationship with Tonks, but really, it was too much to turn down the opportunity to tweak Snape about the fact in that particular year, a Gryffindor and Hufflepuff had beaten out everyone else – including Slytherin – to take out the top academic honours.

Snape scowled at that, and Lupin knew he had hit home. The fact Tonks was a Black must have particularly galled him. He left without saying a word. "Why does Snape hate you so much?" Harry asked.

"Because I was friends with your dad and he hated your dad so by extension, he hated me," Lupin said, deciding omit both the fact that James and Sirius could be quite cruel to him – let someone else tell him that – and that he suspected Snape had been in love with Lily. Merlin knew, he knew what it was like to be in love with someone who was out of your reach.

Harry beamed at that, liking the idea of James disliking Snape. It showed that they had something in common.

* * *

"I can't believe they're firing you for being a werewolf! You've never hurt anyone!" Harry raged at the end of the year. "And you're the best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had. Snape's just a jealous git."

Lupin smiled indulgently at Harry's outburst, secretly touched by how many students had complained about his firing. "It's not just the werewolf thing – although that was a big thing. The reality was, people objected more to my relationship with Nymphodora Tonks. Bad enough that I thought I had a right to be with a full human, for that human to be a Black... Narcissa Malfoy had repeatedly said that her sister and niece are no kin of hers but she was the loudest opponent of me being allowed around students. God forbid I might get it in my head to get involved with _another_ Black."

"But – you wouldn't – " Harry said wildly.

"Of course I wouldn't. Tonks was – is – one of the most mature, fascinating women I've ever met. I can't imagine myself with anyone else."

"You really loved her?" Harry asked, entranced. Lupin nodded slightly. "I don't understand why you can't just be with her then," he said.

Lupin smiled at that. Harry could saw endearingly naive things at times, especially given what he had been through. "Because I'm a nobody," he said. "Less than a nobody. Oh, I know what you're thinking, and I appreciate how popular I am with my students – well, most of them," he said wryly, thinking of the Slytherines and Draco Malfoy in particular. "But there are plenty of people out there who don't want a bar of me... or at least want me light years away from their children. I can kind of understand it. People are always so afraid of what they don't understand. Merlin knows, if I wasn't afflicted the way I am, I'd probably be just as scared of me."

* * *

Andromeda glowered at Lupin when she saw him at the front door – although at least he hadn't arrived by Floo network. "Go away," she hissed at him. She had not forgiven him for seducing her daughter, who had become so infatuated and heartbroken she had refused to see how good Charlie Weasley was for her. Charlie had left for Romania, his own heart broken in the process.

"I need to talk to you," he said quietly.

"How _dare_ you show your face here!" she yelled at him. "You – _monster_. I hear how you were fired from Hogwarts," she said triumphantly. "First time I agreed with Narcissa over anything."

"Andromeda, if you don't stop calling me names, I won't explain why your cousin is innocent," Lupin said quietly.

His words had the right effect. Andromeda clutched her heart in hopeful surprise. She had heart about Sirius's escape, of course, and part of her had been glad that he'd gotten away from that hell-hole even though the evidence pointed wholly to his guilt. And now Lupin, who she had wanted to never see again, was on her doorstep, telling her that he was innocent and he could tell her why. "Come in," she said weakly.

He had never expected to be allowed back into the Tonks home, let alone invited. He explained about how it had been Peter Pettigrew, not Sirius, who had been the Potters Secret Keeper, and therefor Peter who had betrayed them to Voldermort. When Sirius had found out, he had gone to confront Peter, only to have Peter disappear and he be blamed for all three murders. "Part of why I took the job was I wanted to keep an eye on Harry, I was convinced that Sirius was after him. He was actually after Peter. And I couldn't even help him there," he added bitterly, angry at his inability to do anything – in fact, he had made things worse.

For the first time in three years, Andromeda felt sympathy towards Lupin. He was really feeling guilty about Peter escaping and Sirius being denied his redemption. "It's not your fault," she said. "It's Peter's. It's Voldermort. It's Snape's for charging in there without all the fact. But it's not _yours_."

He certainly never thought he'd hear words of sympathy from Andromeda again. "Thanks. But I really came over to tell you that you can see him if you like. I mean, you have to be incredibly discreet."

Andromeda nodded. "Thankyou," she said, thanking him for telling her about Sirius, for trying his best to clear his name, for enabling her to see him – and for keeping to his word and not only not seeing her daughter but making a concerted effort to prevent her from seeing _him_.

There was a long pause, and Lupin almost ruined it by asking, "How is she?"

Andromeda scowled. "She's not here," she said shortly.

"I know. Why do you think I came this time?" Lupin asked, and to her surprise, Andromeda felt a little guilty at jumping to that conclusion. "I just wanted to know she's OK."

"She's... OK," Andromeda said a little too quickly. "She doesn't socialise as much as I would like her to. I thought she had something going with Charlie Weasley but it didn't pan out."

"Percy gave me filthy looks whenever he passed me," Lupin admitted. "I figured it didn't end well. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I want her to be happy with someone her age."

There was a sad dignity in his voice that made Andromeda think that he was sincere in wanting Tonks to be happy, and knowing that she would be happier with someone more suitable. What he hadn't banked on was how tenaciously she had clung to her belief that she loved him. "I wish you hadn't given in to her," she said.

He raised his eyes at her. "So you believe me now?" he asked. "That she came on to me?"

She gave a rueful laugh. "I think I always believed it," she admitted. "Dora always doggedly pursues something once she decides she wants it."

"I know," Lupin said. "That's what I like – _liked_ – about her. She first demonstrated an interest in me when she was fifteen. I thought if I told her to come back when she was seventeen, she would lose interest."

He had thought maybe he was revealing too much information – that maybe in retrospect he should have told Andromeda about it and let _her_, as a strong-willed woman, deal with it. But instead, she laughed. "You really don't know us, do you?" she asked in a teasing, almost playful voice. "You _never_ tell a Black they can have what they want if they wait for it. It just encourages us to plan for it."

And Lupin found himself laughing for overlooking such an obvious trait in the Black personality and he and Andromeda were getting along like old times before he'd started to look at Tonks in a way he shouldn't...

There was a familiar bang from the fireplace and then "Mum?" from a voice that was all-too-familiar. Remus was shocked to hear her voice again, and it was as if three years hadn't passed and she was in his arms on his shabby couch, crying her eyes out. No, he didn't like that memory – she was lying on her stomach, against his chest, propped up on her elbows, looking at him in that adoring way that she did. His heart caught in his chest and his throat went dry and he couldn't focus on Appirating like he needed to if he was to disappear before she saw him.

Too late. "_Remus_?" she whispered, her eyes going wide in shock at seeing him again. Three years and it was like it was yesterday that she had been crying in his arms. No, she didn't like that memory. She was lying in his arms and he was playing with his hair the way he did that made her feel like he didn't give a damn _what_ her appearance was because he liked her exactly the way she liked herself.

Instinctively she ran towards him, and he got his act together in time to perform a shield charm that repelled her a meter from him. Being as clumsy as she was, she stumbled back and hit her ass on the floor. "Sorry, Andromeda, I had no idea she would be here," he said to Andromeda. And before Tonks could recover from her fall, he had Appirated.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for reading you guys! This chapter's set during **_**Goblet of Fire**_**. Since Lupin didn't get anything to do in that book I thought it was a nice bridge. (Even though it's actually a conversation between Tonks and Sirius **_**about**_** Lupin.)**

_1994_

"I can't believe he'd come to see my mother and literally disappear the second I arrived," Tonks said to Sirius shortly after. She had taken to visiting the cave he inhabited, wearing a different disguise everytime. Sirius appreciated the effort, and the company. He had barely known Tonks when he had been sent to Azkaban, and he was proud to call the young adult she had become kin.

"And what would you have done if he'd stayed?" Sirius asked. "Your mum told me you tried to throw yourself into his arms."

"And so what if I did?" Tonks asked defiantly. "I love him."

"I don't doubt that you think you do," Sirius said, a touch condescendingly. "But you're twenty-one. He's – "

"Thirty-four. I _have_ thought about this a few times," she said sarcastically. "Merlin's beard, Sirius, how come no matter how old I get, he's still - "

"Thirteen years older than you?" Sirius offered with a grin that bordered on a leer. It vaguely amused him that booky Lupin, who'd had to rely on his cast-offs to get laid, had managed to snag a gorgeous young metamophmagus – not only snagged her, but had her doggedly pursuing him and unable to get over him after he had left her. Unlike Andromeda, though, he didn't give two figs that Lupin may or may not be 'appropriate' for her – Tonks could take care of herself, he knew Lupin to be a loyal, caring man, and he knew what it was like to be a pariah. "You're going to have to be a lot older than twenty-one for people to stop talking about that. And the werewolf thing doesn't help. Dare I say it's the main cause of disapproval."

"Thanks to Severus Snape!" she cried.

Sirius's lips twisted into a grimace. Needless to say, he disagreed with Lupin's insistence on being grateful for the Wolfsbane potion Snape continued to make him. He had been a sullen, troublesome boy and nothing had changed but he'd gotten older and uglier. It was probably why Snape had outed Lupin as a werewolf; he couldn't stand the fact that he could inspire love out of someone significantly younger and more attractive. Everyone had known of his pathetic crush on Lily Evans, just as everyone had known that there was no way he could compete with James Potter. So why not expose his friends Sirius and Remus since he couldn't touch James – or even his legend, no matter how hard he tried – anymore. "It would have gotten out eventually," he was forced to concede. "Perce Weasley's a prefect now. How long do you think he would have tolerated – what did they call him – a _child molester_ teaching at Hogwarts?"

"He is not – " Tonks started to say, eyes blazing with fury. Sirius had noticed they went an unnatural green, like the nuclear contaminations that muggles were so fond of portraying in their movies.

"I know perfectly well that he's not," Sirius said mildly. "I'm just saying that it would have gotten out anyway and the story that was always going to be accepted as the Merlin-given truth was that he seduced a teenager who was barely legal – and that was what _she_ said to defend a man she was infatuated with."

"I did not – "

"Oh, stop being so defensive, Tonks, and try to understand how bad it looks. Remus is right. You're better off with someone more appropriate."

"But I don't want – "

He flashed her a knowing grin. "I understand you better than you think I do," he said. "You're a Black like me, like your mother. You know we're the only three in the history of the family who _didn't_ go to Slytherin? And yet we're still a lot like my brother and Narcissa and Bellatrix. We go for what we want regardless of the odds... though I like to think we're a little more informed and open-minded about what we want. I don't know how you feel about him, I've never seen you together. For what it's worth, i think he still thinks about you a lot." Lupin had been upfront about his involvement with Tonks, fully prepared to accept it if Sirius – who was hardly in a position to treat _anyone_ like a pariah, except maybe those delightful cousins of his – wanted to treat him with the same contempt Andromeda had. But after that, he had never referred to Tonks, no words of regret, no passing comment with something reminded him or her. And given how much remorse he had expressed for not realising the truth about Peter and not being able to stop him a second time, for him to never mention Tonks suggested he had divided feelings about her. On the one hand, there was no doubt the regret that he had dragged her down, but on the other, maybe feelings he couldn't shake. And he was much more inclined to believe that a grown man who had endured so much to put his feelings in perspective was truly in love than a teenage girl who had become infatuated with a much older, more sophisticated man.

"And I don't believe all this rubbish about how dangerous he is. It's true, he has a side of him that's instinctively aggressive, but he was with you for how many months and never hurt you?" Sirius asked casually, taking gleeful note of the flushed expression on Tonks's face. So he _had_ exposed her to his more aggressive side... and she had liked it. Well, good for both of them. "Both your aunts are more dangerous than him, and they ought to be able to help it. I personally wouldn't give a damn if you were with him. You could do far worse."

"Yeah, but you're not my mum," Tonks reminded him, still cheered up by Sirius's uncompromising support.

"Sorry, love, I'm not," he agreed.

"Don't call me that," she said, and he winked conspiringly at her, knowing immediately that it had been Lupin's endearment for her.

1


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for reading, guys! This is set during OotP - as is most of the rest of the fic, other than the epilogue. Enjoy!  
**

_1995_

Harry barrelled towards his godfather, pleased to see him again, while Lupin, Kingsley Shaklebolt and Mad-Eye Moody looked on in amusement. It was clear that he had missed the man. Lupin didn't blame him. _He_ missed Sirius... almost as much as he missed Tonks.

There was a bang from the fireplace, and Molly Weasley came through. Lupin felt the heat of her scowl when she saw him. She had known he was part of the Order of the Phoenix but she had never wholly forgiven him for Charlie and Tonks breaking up. "Remus," she said coolly.

"Molly," Lupin said, much more civilly. "How are you?"

"Fine," Molly said, just as coolly as before. There was a pregnant pause before she turned to Sirius, who was kin, and said, "I don't want him anywhere near Ginny."

"Molly, surely you don't believe any of that rubbish about him being a child molester?" Sirius asked.

"_He_ is right here," Lupin said testily. "Molly, if you don't want me to speak to Ginny, I'll do my best to accommodate that."

"You'd better. I haven't forgotten what you did to that poor girl."

"Oh, stop it, Molly," Sirius said tersely. "He didn't do anything she didn't want. When was the last time someone ever managed to stop a Black from doing something they had their heart set on? I have a cousin who's in Azkaban, proud to be there for her beliefs," he reminded her, not needing to add that he himself had escaped for there out of a desire to protect Harry. No-one had ever made a Black do something they didn't want to, or prevented them from going after something that they wanted badly enough. If Andromeda can let it go, then so can you."

Lupin flashed him a grateful smile. It was nice to know there was at least _one_ person in the world who didn't think he was this child-molesting monster. He thought about telling Molly that Tonks had been something special and he couldn't imagine ever falling for someone that young, let alone younger, but thought she might just take offense. Parents had a very contradictory way of looking at things; they were offended that he was a danger to their daughters, but they were offended when he tried to explain that girls, in the plural, didn't interest him; it had been one girl, and she had been damn special. God forbid that Ginerva Weasley, or Hermione Granger, or anyone else Molly considered to be her girl, should fail to measure up in Tonks's specialness, and Lupin had found that it was best not to imply that they lacked that specialness. "If it makes you feel better, Molly, I promise I will never be alone with her. Or Hermione," he added, although that might be a little harder, because Hermione was fond of him – in a strictly student-teacher way, of course – and less likely to pay any attention to any of Molly's directives.

"Thankyou," Molly said stiffly, her tone saying she wasn't particularly grateful.

"You're too hard on him," Sirius told her later. "You don't understand what it was like between them. He tried to keep her at arm's length, and she's always been really precocious. She was happier with him than Charlie, and that's not anyone's fault."

"I can't help the way I feel, Sirius."

"Well, neither can they. Merlin's beard, I'm sorry I vouched for her now."

He had let it slip. Molly's eyes went wide. "Wait – Tonks is coming _here_? To join the Order? And you _vouched_ for her?" Sirius nodded. "What in Merlin's name possessed you to do such an idiotic thing?"

"She's my cousin, Molly, and she was determined to join. Would you have me tell her no and have her find some sneaky way to get in? Or have everything be above-board and me be able to use what influence I have on her?"

It was a valid point, and she would have whole-heartedly agreed with him had it not been for the fact she would be within close proximity to Lupin. "Does Remus know?" Molly asked shrewdly.

"Does Remus know what?" Lupin asked, overhearing the last of the conversation.

"Tonks wanted to join the order," Sirius explained. "I vouched for her to Dumbledore. Actually, it was more of a trade – my cousin for my house," he admitted.

Lupin immediately went stiff with anger. "And what in Merlin's name possessed you to do such a thing?" he asked, which got him a small smile out of Molly that he didn't understand.

"She's my cousin – " Sirius started to say.

"And she's also my ex. Who I abandoned!"

"Yeah. That wasn't exactly the classiest thing for you to do," Sirius said with a smirk.

"Fine. I'll quit," Lupin threatened.

"You can't do that, it will break the secrecy of the Order," Sirius pointed out. Lupin looked furious to be put in this position. If he had known Tonks wanted to be part of the order, he would have let her take his spot. "She's two years older than you saw her last," Sirius said."And six since you were involved with her. And she knows how important it is to behave professionally. I doubt she'll cause you any troubles. Besides," he added "she's a proud woman and you broke her heart. She'll probably want no more to do with you than you do her."

There was a crash at the front door as Tonks Appirated – badly. "It's only me!" she called, although that would have been plenty obvious to anyone who knew her. She walked into the kitchen where Sirius was with Molly and Mad-Eye Moody. She hugged her cousin, always pleased to see him. "You look well," she said delightedly.

"A regular supply of home-cooked meals and a decent bed every night can do a soul the world of good," he confirmed. "How are you doing?"

She went into detail about her success as an Auror, despite her clumsiness, and glossed over the fact she hadn't seen anyone since Charlie had left for Romania. In actually fact she was dying to ask about Lupin but didn't want to appear too eager.

And then there he was, coming through from the kitchen, looking tireder and shabbier than ever – word had he had struggled to find a decent-paying job since being outed from Hogwarts – but still possessing that energy that she had found so strangely hypnotic.

His lips curved into a small smile when he saw her, hoping for civility, and it all came flooding back. Being caught in bed with him by her parents, the way he had walked out on her, the way he had drugged her and returned her to her parents when she had gone to him for help, the way he had forced her away from him two years ago and then Appirated before she could react. She had loved him, and he had turned his back on her.

She bounded over to him and struck him as hard as she could, raking her nails – she was glad she had opted to wear them long and sharp today, with blood-red polish – down his cheek. The room went deathly silent at her assault on him, but she wasn't finished. "You _bastard!_" she hissed at him, striking his face again, pounding on his chest in frustration when he didn't do anything – didn't try to defend himself, didn't even appear to register the pain. "You – abandoned me – and drugged me – and won't _talk_ to me – I hate you – hate you – _hate you_."

It was one 'I hate you' too many; effortlessly he picked her up and put her over his shoulder, hauling into the next room with her screaming at him the whole way. "Should we do something?" Molly asked in a quiet voice, floored by Tonks's outburst.

"They'll be right," Sirius said indifferently. "They'll yell at each other for a bit and then calm down. He's always known how to handle her – at least so Andromeda says."

"But still – don't you worry he'll hurt her?"

"Remus? I can't think of anyone who'd be less likely to hurt a person. Not even at the full moon," he added pointedly, deciding not to mention that he had since come to the conclusion that Lupin had showed his more aggressive side to her – and she had liked it. "I was with him for many of them. He hurt himself before he hurt anyone else."

"You really think he's good for her?" Molly asked suspiciously.

"If I didn't know him, then yeah, I'd be the loudest calling for his head. But I reckon I know him better than anyone else around, except maybe Dumbledore, and he's well aware of his limitations. You know, people have made such a big deal about how she can do so much better than him, but they overlook the fact that she can also do so much worse. I don't know how true it is, but I know she certainly _feels_ like the only men who've ever been interested in her for herself and not the fact she can be any fantasy were Charlie and Remus."

"And you really think their feelings for each other are genuine?" Molly asked suspiciously, unable to forget how hard Charlie had tried to make her return his feelings.

Sirius laughed, knowing exactly what Molly was thinking. "I think more than anything your problem is the fact she turned down your son for someone older, poorer and more dangerous. Look, I don't know about Tonks. I know she _thinks_ she loved him, but she was a teenager at the time and now she's a Black who's been told she can't have what she wants. But I know Remus. He's not one to pine over something he can't have – believe me, the kind of life he's had, I would have heard about that by now. If he's struggling to get over her, then, yeah, I'd put money on the fact his feelings are real."

* * *

Lupin dumped Tonks on the couch, and when she tried to get up, waved his wand at her and forced her back into it. "Stay," he growled at her, and she decided that it was in her best interest to stay sat. "You idiot girl," he snapped at her. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"What did _I_ think I was doing? _You_ were the one who abandoned me – and drugged me – and – "

"Yeah, I got all that," he said shortly. "I meant what possessed you to make a scene like that?"

She glowered at him filthily. "You walked out on me," she said, her voice shaking with anger.

"I didn't have a choice! I would have dragged you down with me!"

"I had the right to have a say! God, Remus, I loved you – you were supposed to protect me."

"What do you think I was doing?" he asked tiredly. God, but she looked so enchanting with her violet hair and her filled-out figure. Maybe if he focused on being angry with her, he wouldn't be so focused on how enchanting she looked.

She glowered at him again. "That wasn't protecting me, that was being a condescending prick," she snapped at him. "So, what, all those times you said you loved me – was that just some bullshit ploy to get me into bed?"

"As I recall, Tonks, _you_ came to _me_ determined to go to bed with me," Lupin retorted. "You don't get to change your mind years after the fact. Jesus, I _knew_ this would happen."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"It means you were just a child infatuated with an older man and I should have known better than to take advantage of that."

Tonks flared. Far worse that he told her what they'd had was never real than his initial non-response to her anger. "How – dare – you," she spat at him. "You wanted me as much as I wanted you, and you're just being a cowardly _shit_ to pretend otherwise." Her eyes flashed at him, and she thought she saw something in his eyes – a longing. "Fine," she said triumphantly. "If you never wanted me, then I'll find someone else who will." It was a threat that had worked before, when they had first gotten together, and she was hoping the idea of her in bed with another man might drive him so mad with jealousy that he'd – she knew if he wanted to, she'd let him take her right now, on this couch.

Lupin knew exactly what she was up to. "That only worked when I wanted you," he said, the lie coming easily to his lips.

She narrowed her eyes at him. She had expected him to become inflamed with jealousy, like he had the first time they'd gotten together. "What the hell does that mean?" she asked.

"It means I can smell him all over you," Lupin lied, because not even werewolf smell was good enough to pick up on another lover years after the fact. "I only wanted you when you were only mine." He spoke the words with deliberate, if entirely faked, cruelty, knowing that he had been possessive enough in the past that she would believe him now.

He could see he had knocked the wind out of her. "You're just saying that," she said, her voice breaking in such a way that told him he had gotten to her.

"If you loved me as much as you say you did, you should have waited until you were older," he taunted her. "You're used goods now. Why would I want you?"

She put her hands over her ears. "No," she said, refusing to listen.

He pulled her hands to her sides, forcing her to listen to him. "I don't share my women," he said, twisting his words cruelly so it came across loud and clear that he was calling her a whore. "You're just trash now."

She was crying now, and it broke his heart to see her cry, let alone be the cause of it. But maybe now she would leave him alone, get over him. He let go of her hands and let her stumble backwards. "So why don't you go find someone a little less discerning? Hell, maybe Charlie Weasley will take you back. He was happy enough to take my sloppy seconds before." And with that he walked out of the room, leaving her to cry over her broken heart.

* * *

"Mate, I never knew you to be so cruel," Sirius said to him the next day.

It was clear he and Tonks had had a D&M. "Be angry at me if you want," Lupin said testily. He'd barely slept, lying awake all night thinking about Tonks and how he'd left her heartbroken. But it was for the best. There was no future for him and maybe if he made her hate him, she'd realise that.

"I'm not angry with you. I'm rather impressed. She'll never speak to you again. At least so long as she doesn't realise what rubbish that bit about you being able to smell Weasley on her was. You know you're banking on the fact she'll be too humiliated to bring it up with anyone? 'Cos I think even Molly would set her straight if it came to it."

"I practically called her a whore," Lupin said. "She's not going to bring it up with anyone."

Sirius sat down, uninvited, on Lupin's bed. "I'm curious about one thing, though. Did she know you so little to buy that crap about you being possessive, or is she just too humiliated to question it?"

"Too humiliated, I think. Once she came to me really distressed, Charlie had found out about us and decided he had a right to kiss her. She absolutely reeked of him but all I could think about was cheering her up. If it didn't matter at the time it certainly doesn't matter years after the fact."

Sirius nodded. It made perfect sense for Lupin to push Tonks away by humiliating her and convincing her that he no longer wanted her since she had slept with another man. "And how do you feel about her?" he asked.

Lupin groaned to remember how she had looked at him. "Like I want to go over there and tell her I made it all up," he admitted.

"Then why don't you?"

"And say what, Sirius? That I know I'm too old, too poor and too dangerous, that I have absolutely nothing to offer you, but won't you please consider giving up all the luxury and prestige you've known to live with me in my shabby little apartment and wonder where the next meal is coming from?"

"Actually, Andromeda inherited half her father's – my uncle's – fortune so I don't think you'll have to worry about where the next meal is coming from," Sirius said.

"I don't _want_ to be supported by her. And I don't want her to become a pariah for being with me. Look at Andromeda, she married beneath her – I mean, so everyone says," he corrected himself.

"Yeah, look at Andromeda. Of the three of them, Narcissa's in constant danger of Lucius being hauled off to Azkaban, and Bellatrix is rotting there. I'd say Andromeda did pretty well, marrying beneath her – so everyone says. You're putting way too much emphasis on things that don't matter, Remus. Do you think the Weasley's are unhappy in their financial situation? Or Andromeda's unhappy for – marrying beneath her?"

"That's different," Lupin insisted. "Tonks will be marrying beneath her _and_ being poor – or at least having to support a husband who can't support himself. It's better this way."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Sometimes, mate, you can be completely full of it."


	12. Chapter 12

"Am I going to have to be the one to address the elephant in the room?"

"I've no idea what you're talking about," Molly said to Charlie. She was fussing over her son, recently returned from Romania and looking somewhat worse for wear. Although that was one way of putting it – he was clearly quite content there, despite the dangerous nature of his job. He had left unhappy over the non-existent state of his relationship with Tonks, but now appeared a lot happier and settled.

"I think what Charlie means is he wants to know what's going on between Remus and Tonks," Mad-Eye said with a smirk.

Molly was immediately flustered. "I've no idea – " she started to say.

Charlie interrupted her good-naturedly. "Cut the crap, mum," he said. "You must know something. You _always_ know something. You're the biggest gossip around. Look, I just want to know if she's happy. She looks miserable. I can't believe I actually miss that bright pink hair."

Tonks had returned to the mousy brown that was her natural colour, but which she had rarely sported since she had mastered the art of changing her appearance. "She confronted him the moment she got here, and he hauled her into the next room to hash it out," Moody offered. "Neither of them has said anything about it since. Sirius might know, but he's pretty loyal to them both."

Charlie looked confused. "I was under the impression they had this ongoing thing."

"Merlin, no. They hadn't seen each other for like six years before she joined the Order. I think he stayed away because Andromeda asked him too. And he got a lot of flak two years ago when Severus outed them – spiteful bit of handiwork there, if you ask me," Moody added. "Think it made him realise just how many people were against the idea of them being together, her being a Black and him being a half-blood and a werewolf. I think Narcissa actually preferred _you_."

"That's saying something," Charlie said dryly. They were distantly related to the Malfoys, and Narcissa had made it clear she thought the Weasleys were beneath the Blacks, even a Black-in-exile like Tonks. "I should go and talk to her," he said.

Moody raised his eyebrows warningly. "You're not going to do anything stupid, are you boy?" he growled. "She won't take you back for being on the rebound, and even if she did, I would have thought you'd have learnt your lesson right now."

Charlie could tell his mother was looking anxiously at him, waiting for his answer. "I never realised how much time I spent trying to make her love me back," he recalled ruefully. "I wish I had seen the signs but I was so full of myself, big Quiddich star, thinking I could win her affections off him. I think she liked the protection of having a steady boyfriend, she got harassed so much by the boys at Hogwarts, and I, well, I liked her enough to let her use me. I don't have anyone but myself to blame for that. And I'm OK with that these days. I'm only sorry that I let my infatuation with her undermine our friendship. She was a much better mate then she was a girlfriend."

He found her room a few minutes later, the hard way – walking through the house. It was way too unfamiliar to Appirate around the place. He knocked on her door. She was sitting on her bed, reading a book, looking decidedly drab. "Hey, you," he said. "What happened to the pink hair? I can't believe I actually miss it."

She smiled wanly. "Can't be bothered," she said.

He sat down beside her. "You want to tell me what's up?"

She made a face. "No offence, Charlie, but I'm not in the mood to hear your opinions on Remus."

"I'm not here to give them. Look, I did a lot of thinking when I first got to Romania. I wasted a lot of time and effort wanting something more from you then you were able to give. And you know what? All it got me was an undermined friendship. So I'd like to try and be friends again if that's possible. And that includes listening to your boyfriend woes, if you want to share."

Tonks smiled sadly, the tears threatening in her eyes. "He's not my boyfriend, Charlie," she said.

"I kind of gathered that by the drab appearance, I was just trying to be polite. What happened then? Moody said you had some kind of a fight." At that, Tonks started to cry in earnest and he patted her awkwardly, the affection so unfamiliar now. "It can't be that bad, Tonks. I saw you together, remember? I don't remember ever seeing two people so hot for each other."

"That was before I was with you," she sniffled. "He called me a whore."

Charlie's eyes went wide with horror. "He did what?" he asked incredulously. "Oh, I am so going to have something to say to him."

"Charlie, don't. You'll only make him mad. It was because of us anyway."

Charlie frowned. "I don't get it."

"He could smell you on me."

Charlie's frown got deeper. "I still don't get it. I haven't seen you in years."

"Yeah... but he could still smell you on me."

"No, he can't."

"He said he could."

"Tonks, I don't know why he'd say something like that. I know a little bit about werewolves, OK? Yeah, they have a pretty amazing sense of smell, but he wouldn't be picking up something from years ago. It sounds like he's having you on."

"But why – " she wondered, and then it all made sense. He hadn't been particularly upset when Charlie had kissed her all those years ago, so why would he care that she'd been with someone else after he'd left her... unless he didn't, and had used it as a handy excuse to push her away. "Oooh, thankyou!" she said, throwing her arms around Charlie's neck, feeling her most exuberant since her fight with Lupin.

"You're welcome, I guess," Charlie said, although he had no idea what Tonks was thanking him for. Lupin didn't sound like he was playing with all the cards in his deck. "I think I hear mum calling me to help with dinner. She doesn't like me being too far out of sight," he said dryly. He could train dragons in Romania but he could still come home and be like a boy on his first day at Hogwarts.

He left Tonks's room, not seeing Lupin as he went. Lupin tried to avoid this floor in an attempt to avoid Tonks, but he hadn't been able to help it today. He scowled deeply when he saw Charlie coming out of her room. She had a right to do what she wanted, of course, but that didn't make it any easier for him to deal with.

Bitterly he thought about how quickly she had jumped back into bed with Charlie. Well, she would no doubt have done the same thing with him, given half the chance. He had definitely been right not to get involved with her again.

He just wished it didn't hurt so much.

* * *

Lupin was in the study – ironically the room he had hauled her into the first day she had arrived, no restored to something resembling its former glory – when Tonks knocked on the door. He stiffened up when he saw her. "I didn't think you were the studying time – or the cleaning type," he said dryly. The study still needed some work done.

"No, but I'm _your_ type," she said in her best attempt to sound sensual, which on Tonks just sounded tacky. He liked her better when she was her natural, clumsy, upfront self.

He frowned. "No idea what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about you lying about being able to smell Charlie on me. You didn't care when he kissed me at Hogwarts, so why would you care about something I did after you left me which has been over for years?" Her eyes shone brightly with hope and passion.

"OK, fine, I lied. But now I _can_ smell him on you," Lupin said truthfully, and the thought of her with anyone, but especially _him_ drove him half-crazy with jealousy.

"So, I hugged him before. You've got to be less jealous, Lupin. I can hug other men if I want to."

Lupin shrugged. "It's immaterial to me if you're with other men or not," he said in a cool voice.

Tonks glared at him. "Don't you _dare_ try and pull that shit on me, Remus. Not this time. I _know_ you still want me."

"OK, so what if I do? It's not going to happen."

"You don't have the right to make that choice for both of us!" she yelled at him, her anger growing at just how infuriating he could be with this 'too old, too poor, too dangerous' crap.

He rose. "Yes, I do," he argued. "You really don't get it, do you? You've spent your life in this safe, comfortable life knowing nothing both love. I think your mother and I tried too hard to protect you. It's a cruel world out there, Tonks, which you will discover if you get involved with me, and I will _not_ let you do that."

"You don't get to make that decision for me," she repeated stubbornly, and she threw herself into his arms, kissing him passionately. Despite himself, he found himself kissing her back, wrapping his arms around her waist, spinning her around and sitting her on the desk. She brought her hands up to his hair, running her fingers through it, tugging on it the way he liked, breathing him in, savouring him. "Remus," she moaned between kisses. "Remus, I've missed you..."

He pulled away. "This can't happen," he said. "It _won't_ happen. Do you understand?" he could see from the confused look in her eyes that she didn't. "If you won't leave me alone, then I'll be forced to leave the Order, and that will mess up all Dumbledore's security measure. But I _will_ leave if I need to be away from you. _Do you understand_?" he pressed.

Her eyes went wide with comprehension as it sunk in what he was saying. He could desire her until the end of time, but he wouldn't do anything about it, would run to the ends of the earth, would inconvenience one of the few people who had continued to have faith in him, to get away from her. "Fuck you," she said.

Anger, he thought, was good. Better that she be angry at him then infatuated. "Go," he said harshly. "Leave me be."

She slid off the desk, acute aware of her wrinkled clothes. "Go to hell," she snapped at him, her heart aching at yet another rejection. What was it about this man that no matter how nasty he was to her, she still loved him? "I wish I'd never met you."

"Believe me," he said, "the feeling's mutual."

She stormed out of the room, except in typical Tonks fashion, she collided into the wall. Because it was such an old house, the wall crumbled under the impact. She screamed suddenly, an agonising wail of someone in intense pain. Lupin rushed towards her, because he knew this old house was still infested with all manner of things that slithered, crawled, flew – and lived in walls. Several of them very dangerous.

His heart sank when he saw what it was. Called a waper, it looked a little like a scorpion, except it was far more venomous – and far more territorial. With six legs that had wrapped itself around Tonks's lower arm and a long, spiky tail that was swishing across her skin in a way that even a person who knew nothing about the animal knew that it was angry that someone had just crashed into its home. For good measure, it had sunk its fangs deeply into her skin, which was what had caused her scream.

The waper liked dark, cold spaces where it was likely to be left alone – so the walls of old, derelict houses like the Black one was perfect for it. It speared smaller invaders of its territory with its fangs, and larger ones, like a human's, it wrapped its legs around a body part and sank its fangs in. Its highly toxic venom was enough to kill all but the largest of creatures with a few doses, and it had already given Tonks one.

Thinking more for her life than his – a second dose would kill her, there was no doubt about it – he grabbed the waper by its tail, pulling it down her arm and tossing it on the floor, throwing the silver dagger he always carried on him – ironically, more as a symbol of how much he detested werewolves in general and his willingness to kill any one of them that didn't respect human life – at it with deadly accuracy. He turned back to Tonks. There were two deadly-looking bite marks near her elbow, and a two nasty grazes down her arms where he had forced the waper to slide down. _Stupid_, he thought of himself. The waper might just have bitten again to gain a stronger grip on its prey. But then, it might have done that as well if he had tried to yank it up off her arm, and at least he had prevented it from biting her again –

"Remus," she whispered, and he could see that the venom was already taking effect. It was a painful way to die, with the toxin coursing through the system, eroding tissue, muscle and organs like acid on metal. Tonks's size as a human in fact made it worse; a smaller creature would have been killed instantly.

"It's OK," he whispered hoarsely, knowing that it wasn't. He took her in his arms and led her away from the wall, away from the waper – ironically, being so territory, it was next to impossible for there to be another such creature around, but he wanted to get away from the door nonetheless. He felt her tremble and struggle to stand up and the pain increased and she screamed again.

**Heehee, better get me plenty of feedback OR NO CHAPTER THIRTEEN!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys! Glad you're all enjoying! Didn't mean to update so soon but I got five reviews (six, including my own rely) in less than twenty-four hours so I was quite chuffed.A little cheerier than the last chapter, although still a way to go before a reconciliation and happy ending.  
**

**Chapter Twelve**

Her screams echoed through the house and brought everyone in it running at various times depending on where they were and how fast they could run. Thankfully, Snape was one of the first on the scene. He took one look at Tonks and the awful wound on her arm, then at the floor – "Nice aim," he said to Lupin, which was possibly the first complimentary thing he had ever said to him. Then, "I'll be back in a sec."

He returned a second later with a bezoar, one of the most effective poison-antidotes in the world, as well as one of the rarest. Snape had collected a supply for precisely this eventuality – you never knew _what_ venomous creatures had taken up residence in the Black house with no humans around to bother them. "Nymphodora," he said briskly to her, as if unaware of how much pain she was in. "Swallow this or you will die." She was so wrapped up in her pain that she seemed unaware of what Snape was saying to her. He huffed at her in annoyance in much the same way as he had done to Harry when he had been unable to answer one of his questions correctly. "Here," he said, shoving the bezoar into Lupin's hand. "I'm sure you have plenty of experience making her swallow stuff," he said crassly.

"Snape..." Moody said warningly. Everyone's hearts were in their throats, and Snape being crass didn't help matters any.

Oblivious to the crowd, Lupin swung Tonks into his arms and carried her to the couch. "Love, you have to take this," he whispered soothingly in her ear, hearing a calmness in his voice that he certainly didn't feel. She was shaking violently now, and he held his palm up to her mouth. "Please," he begged. He tilted her head back so the stone fell into her mouth and, with a shudder that made him realise it was painful for her to swallow, she did so. "There," he said, glaring coldly at Snape. "Is that it?"

"No, that just buys her time," Snape said. "Do you know many times she was bitten?"

"Once," he said. "I saw."

"Then she may still survive," he said in a funny, flat voice that frightened everyone to the core. "I need that thing – " he said, jerking his head at the waper, "to create an antidote."

"And you can do that here, right?" Lupin asked hopefully.

He got a withering look from Snape for his troubles. "Because there's a world-class Potions lab set up here," he said sarcastically. "I'll have to go to Hogwarts."

"And have Umbridge know what you're up to!" Lupin asked, outraged.

"Sometimes I don't know who has less sense, Umbridge or you for thinking she's smart enough to know what I'm up to," Snape said with the same condescending tone. "I could tell her anything and she'll take my word for it. I think an extra-strong Truth Potion will work. One that's particularly painful," he mused, thinking that that excuse would delight Umbridge so much she wouldn't stop to double-check, even if she had the intelligence to do so, that that was actually what Snape was doing. And Umbridge, for all her viciousness and ambitious, was far from a brilliant woman. In fact, it was popular opinion that her ambition, uncoupled with brilliance, was part of what had _made_ her so vicious. There is nothing so unbearable to the ambitious as knowing there are far greater people than them out there.

So Snape departed to Hogwarts. "I'm going to take her to her room," Lupin declared, daring anyone to challenge him. No-one did. He had no idea how traumatic Appirating would be for her, and he hadn't done a side-on Apparation for years anyway, so he decided the best thing was to carry her upstairs. She was so light anyway. He had never thought about it before; he had werewolf strength, even when it wasn't the full moon, so lifting her had never been a problem for him. But now, as she lay shaking with pain in his arms, he was hyper-aware of how small and fragile she was.

She groaned when he lifted her up. "It's OK, love," he whispered. "I'm just going to take you up to your room and then you won't have to move."

"Feel awful," she groaned.

"I know you do, love. Snape's gone to make an antidote and I'll stay with you until he comes back."

"Promise?" she whispered.

"Promise." He tried not to think about the fact she could very well die in his arms before Snape got back. Well, if that's what it came to, he would stay with her until then.

He took her up to her room and lay her gently on her bed, lying next to her and simply holding her hand so he wouldn't move her when he moved. He talked to her softly, soothing her fears as best he could when she herself knew that the pain was getting worse and fever was creeping in. She slipped into unconsciousness – mercifully, he thought, because it had to be better than the pain she was in. He felt her forehead. She was definitely too warm – warmer than he got, and his body naturally ran a few degrees higher than that of humans.

There was a knock on the door. It was Molly. "The book said she'd run a fever and I didn't think magic was a good idea so I brought you some cold towels," she said tentatively. "Hermione suggested antiseptic cream for her arm. It's a mug –"

"I know what antiseptic cream is, Molly," Lupin said in a strained voice. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." He took the cold towels off her. "Thankyou," he said. "She's so hot but I don't want to use any magic on her. Bezoar's are pretty powerful and magic tends to dilute their effects," he said in that same strained voice. Once he'd placed the cloths over her face he started on her arm with a gentleness that Molly had rarely seen from the staff at St. Mungo's – and unfortunately, given her boys penchant for pranks and passion for dragons, that was far more than she would have liked.

"You're good with her," she admitted, somewhat grudgingly.

"I'm not an animal all the time, Molly," Lupin said, trying to make a joke and failing miserably. He finished with her arm and leaned over to stroke her hair, which had turned back to its mousy brown after her initial joy at finding out that he had been lying about the smell thing to push her away. "I'm sorry, love," he whispered, largely not caring that Molly could overhear – and, being the insatiable gossip that she was, _would_ overhear. "I'll make it up to you."

"What happened?" she asked, with more concern then she had showed him in the past six years.

"We had a fight. I tried to push her away by telling her I could smell Charlie on her – you know the kicker? It was Charlie who set her straight. She confronted me about it and I told her I'd quit if she didn't leave me alone. She stormed off, and – you know her – she never had the best sense of how much room she had – and walked into the wall." He told Molly this distractedly before returning his attention to Tonks. "I'll make it up to you," he repeated. "I'll stand up to your parents this time. I should have explained – should have explained..." he trailed off, at a loss for words.

"If you don't mind me asking – when did things change between you?" Molly asked. "I mean, I assume, um..."

"That I saw her differently when she was seventeen then when she was eight?" Lupin asked hollowly. He was looking at Tonks, but he could tell Molly was looking embarrassed that he had nailed exactly what she had been dying to ask. "I don't know exactly. I just liked hanging her around more and more. And I guess she felt the same way. And then Christmas when she was fifteen she kissed me and I knew it was wrong, but I liked it. And I told her to come back when she was seventeen and I tried to forget her, but – " He squeezed Tonks's hand. "I really tried, Molly," he whispered hoarsely, the first time he had properly addressed her since she had come in – and even then, she wasn't sure if he was addressing her or Andromeda.

"I never understood how you could love someone you had known when she was so young," Molly admitted.

The words cut through his brain and brought back a memory. "Funny, we used to say exactly the same thing about Severus and Lily."

Molly's eyes went wide in surprise. "I'm sorry, _Severus and Lily_?" she asked. "He had a _thing_ for her? I had no idea..." Despite the tragedy at hand, she had to wonder how she had missed such a huge piece of gossip.

"Not many people did. I don't think she even did. But the four of us did," he said, referring to him, James, Sirius and Peter, "and we tormented him endlessly for it – to his face and behind his back." Well, mostly James had tormented him to his face, but they had all had their fair share of teasing him behind his back. "I never understood how he could feel that way about her when they had known each other when they were kids. I hadn't even thought about it for years until you just said that."

"We can't help the people we love," Molly mused, realising in retrospect that she had been lucky to fall for someone so socially appropriate.

"Remus," Tonks cried out in her delirium, shuddering in her pain.

He reached for her hand. "I'm here, love," he said soothingly, and Molly watched as Tonks visibly calmed under his touch.

Molly started to say something but then Snape came barging in. "I've got it," he said.

"Took your time," Lupin aid shortly. Every second Snape had been away had felt like a minute, every minute like an hour. He checked his watch – one of the few muggle-style watches to be found in the magical world – and realised he had been less than two hours. It had felt like eternity.

"I'm sorry, would you like me to go back to Hogwarts?" Snake are snarkily.

Lupin gritted his teeth. There was nothing he would like more in the world than to tell Snape where he could shove his help. But there was no-one who knew his potions like that man – Lupin had been forced to concede that over the Wolfsbane. "Fine, let's do this," he said.

"I'll get out of your hair," Molly said, eager to be away from the obvious animosity between the two men, not to mention the fact that thinking about Snape having feelings for Lily creeped her out somewhat.

"How is she?" Snape asked in what Lupin assumed was his attempt at a concerned tone.

"Delirious. In pain."

"It's a miracle she's got this far. She wouldn't have without the bezoar," Snape reminded him.

He uncorked the antidote he had created and Lupin thought he was going to throw up from the smell. Sure, he had an inhuman sense of smell, but it wasn't _that_ inhuman; the stench really was revolting. He didn't even need to taste it to know that his contraceptive potion was like butterbeer compared to that. "Does she have to drink that?" he asked. "Can't we give it to her intravenously?"

Snape snorted derisively. "And I thought you loved her," he said sarcastically.

Lupin shook Tonks gently, then more violently when she refused to rouse. "Love, you have to wake up," he urged. Still no response, and with the greatest of reluctance, he took his dagger out of his pocket and pushed the sharp end against her bandaged arm. Tonks screamed in agony and bolted awake.

"Didn't know you had it in you," Snape said in something that resembled admiration.

"Love, you've got to drink this," Lupin urged. He took the flask from Snape's hand, wrinkling up his own nose at it, and pushed it against her mouth. She whimpered at the smell of it and pulled her head away. "Drink it," he said in a more commanding voice.

"No," she said weakly, but in that stubborn Black voice that he recognised.

"She has to drink it," Snape said, hovering by the edge of the bed.

"Yes, I am aware of that, Severus," Lupin said through gritted teeth. He paused for a second. Though it went against his nature to hurt anyone, let alone Tonks, he knew he was going to have to if she were to live. "OK, hold this for a second," Lupin said to Snape, handing him back to Potion. He sat up against the headboard and pulled Tonks into his lap, not bothering to be gentle with her. Before she had fully comprehended what was going on, he had bound her hands behind her back using magic. "I'm really sorry about this," he whispered in her ear. "Forgive me, love." Waving his wand quickly, he procured a small funnel. Using his superior strength, he restrained her and forced her head back, pinching her nose shut between his thumb and forefinger. Realising what he was intending on doing, she tried to struggle against him, but he was far stronger to begin with, and her pain and delirium had weakened her considerably. "Pour it into her mouth using the funnel," Lupin commanded Snape. "If she wants to breathe, she'll have to swallow."

Snape made a grunting sound which Lupin took for approval. He did as Lupin directed it and from the second the potion hit her throat, Tonks made a moaning sound that, though weak, made it clear how noxious the stuff was. "What did you put in that?" Lupin demanded. He was glad Snape was the one holding the funnel and forcing the awful stuff down her throat; he wasn't sure he was the one who could actually commit the act.

"So sorry I forgot to add cinnamon," Snape said sarcastically. "I needed the venom to create an anti-venom. It was never going to taste like butterbeer." Finally she had swallowed the lot and swallowed frantically for air. "Nymphodora, you throw up and we'll have to do it all over again," Snape said in his languid voice that always sounded like he would enjoy doing just that. Lupin shot him a filthy look.

"You can go now," Lupin said shortly.

"I'll be back every three hours," Snape said.

He left Lupin alone with Tonks. "I hate you," Tonks said feebly.

"Hate me if you want," he said, as neutrally as he could when he wanted to tell her how much he hated himself. "You need to be alive to hate me."

"Don't touch me."

"If that's what you want, but I'm not leaving you." He laid her gently back down on the bed and sat on the chair next to the bed. "I hope you can forgive me," he said. "When you get better, if you still want to be with me – "

"I'd rather die," she mumbled feebly.

He couldn't help himself. He slapped her hard across the face. "Don't talk like that!" he yelled at her. "Don't you get it? I'm sorry, OK! I'm sorry I ever pushed you away. I'm sorry – " but he realised she had mercifully passed out.


	14. Chapter 14

"How is she doing?" Snape asked when he returned, as promised, in three hours.

"She's passed out though by the looks of it, the pain hasn't stopped. She was trashing around in the bed, crying and whimpering depending on her strength and the pain." "And she smells awful."

"I coupled the venom with an element of Beechbur blood," Snape said. The Beechbur was a magical animal with a phenomenal immune system that emitted any foreign substance from its body through its skin. There was not one known Beechbur death caused by sickness, although plenty had been killed in attempts to harness its healing powers. Very few had the talent to do it. "If it works, her body's pushing the venom out through her skin."

"What do you mean _if it works_?" Lupin asked.

"Waper antidotes are all theoretical," Snape said in his condescending, _of-course-you-didn't-know-that_ voice. "Personally, I've never known anyone that has lived long enough to acquire it. I've been experimenting, of course, but nothing I would put my name to."

"Nothing – you would – Merlin's beard, you were _experimenting_ on her?"

"Once again, I see how much you love her," Snape said sarcastically. "A Bezoar isn't strong enough to combat a Waper bite on its own. You know that perfectly well. Would you rather I simply not have tried?"

"Of course not, I'm sorry if I sound ungrateful."

"That's alright," Snape said, stunned to hear an apology from _any_ of the four marauders, although if it was going to be any of them, it would have been Lupin.

Lupin brought his legs up, folding them against his chest and wrapping his arms around them, propping his chin against his knees. "And if it's worth anything now, I'm sorry for all the crap we gave you about Lily."

It was so out-of-nowhere that Snape gaped at Lupin for a few seconds, wondering if he had misheard him;_ apparently not_. "What made you think of that?" he asked, bitterly remembering how cruel James and Sirius had been over his feelings for Lily. OK, so Lupin had been the least nasty about it, but he had done nothing to stop James and Sirius, and he had gotten a few digs of his own in.

"Something that Molly said about not understanding how I could feel the way I do about her, when I've known her since she was eight. It reminded me of the things we said about how it was natural to love someone you'd known as kids."

"You didn't exactly say it like that," Snape reminded him, but it was in a very un-Snape voice. He actually sounded _interested_ in what Lupin had to say.

"Well, I'm trying to say _now_ that I didn't understand and we – _that is to say I_– was wrong to say what I did."

The apology – even sympathy – had opened a door into Snape's soul. "I miss her every day," he admitted. "It's so easy to look back and see all the things I could have done differently. And I can't say anything because no-one believes I felt the way I did. I bet Molly thought it was creepy."

Lupin let that one slide for the truth it was. Instead he focused on the fact that he and Snape actually understood each other, at least when it came to what it felt like to love someone you couldn't have and have no-one take you seriously. "I can't believe we finally have something in common," he said.

Snape flashed something that almost passed for a grin in Snape's language. "Don't tell anyone," he said.

* * *

"Remus!"

"I'm here, love." Lupin had been dozing in the chair – he had transformed it into a comfy one-person sofa chair days ago – when he was abruptly woken by her calling his name. It wasn't like he slept much anyway, catching a few minutes at a time when she would stop whimpering for a while. He had taken on the sole responsibility of watching her, changing the sheets and washing her as best he could while respecting her privacy.

Her grip around his fingers was surprisingly tight as her fingers scratched against his hand in desperation for contact. "Remus," she cried again.

"I'm here," he repeated. But she kept searching out for him with her fingers, searching for the contact. He was flattered. A few days ago she had said she hated him and would rather die before they got back together. Now, she was constantly calling out for him in her pain and delirium and calming at his touch.

And now some part of her subconscious wanted more than her hand held.

He got out of the chair and walked over the other side of the bed, stripping off his shirt as he went. He crawled into bed with her, unbuttoning her shirt down to the thin camisole she wore underneath. Easing the shirt off her shoulders, he turned her on her side and started spooning her, his inhumanely high body heat penetrating the thin material of her top. He tangled his legs through hers and wrapped one arm around her waist and slid the other under her face. "I'm here, love," he repeated, trying to ignore the smell of toxins that were still emitting from her body. He gritted his teeth. _Only for you, love, _he thought. And he found it was easier than he had thought as she settled in his arms, moulding her body against his, her unconscious cries of pain ceasing for the longest time since she had been bitten, and he fell asleep with her in his arms for the longest stretch of sleep _he'd_ gotten since she'd been bitten.

* * *

"Remus?"

"Go away," Lupin mumbled, his instinct not to let Molly or whoever it was interrupt his wonderful dream where Tonks was in his arms where she belonged. He rolled over and pulled the pillow over his head.

"Remus?"

It took him a few more seconds to realise it was Tonks saying his name. And it was phrased as a question, not a desperate cry. Lupin threw the pillow across the room in his over-exuberance to toss it away and turned to face her. She was lying on her side, watching him. He stared at her for a few seconds then reached for his dagger, pressing the sharp end into his skin. It immediately started smoking and he dropped it. "Remus! What d'you think you're doing?" Tonks asked him, weakly but perfectly clearly.

"Wanted to see I wasn't dreaming," he said.

"So you stick yourself with a knife?" she asked incredulously. "And how come it started smoking?"

"Because the blade is pure silver."

"Really?" Her eyes danced with intelligence as she processed that information. Made sense, really. Lupin hated most werewolves, and was perfectly willing to kill any of them that maliciously hurt humans, so it made sense that he would carry around a weapon intended for killing them, even if it was merely symbolic. "Can I've a go?" She reached for the dagger.

"Tonks!" he yelled at her, too happy to see her awake and coherent to care much that she was fascinated by the thought of hurting him. She reached over him, trying to get to the blade, and he pushed her onto her back. The effort had left her panting, he realised. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Weak," she admitted. "And sore, so sore. Everything aches and I feel like I have the worst hangover of my life. The time I drank a whole bottle of fire whisky after you left me? I would totally trade now for that."

He reached out and stroked her hair. "I'm going to take care of you," he said. "Until you get better."

_Until I get better_. That sounded oddly paternal. She could have been Ginny or Hermione for all the passion in his voice. The last thing she distinctly remembered was her telling him that she hated him after he had forced that stuff down her throat – aided and abetted by the reviled Snape, no less – and that she would rather die than be with him. Had he taken her words to heart? Was his only concern for her now for her physical health as a member of The Order of the Phoenix?

She swallowed her questions and smiled bravely. "I'd really love a bath," she admitted.

"OK. I'll get Molly to help you."

"I don't need someone to supervise my bath, Remus."

"Really? Sit up," he commanded her. She struggled to sit up. He met her eyes and she knew he was silently counting. _One... two... three... _she felt her back strain with the effort and focused all her somewhat-weakened metamophmagus abilities on showing a poker face. _Four... five... six_... her body cried out in exhaustion and she knew she was trembling with the effort. _Seven... eight... _panting with the effort, she flopped back down on the bed. "You can't stay up for ten seconds," he admonished her gently. "I'm not leaving you alone in the bath. What happens if you collapse and hit your head? I didn't stay with you for four days to have you kill yourself _after_ you came to."

"Four days?" she echoed.

"Four days," he repeated. "Snape saved your life, you know. He gave you the bezoar that bought you time and create a potion that's never been tested before. I just kept your company."

_He must care, _Tonks thought wildly. _He must care if he stayed up for four days_. She had a vague memory last night of needing him, of reaching out for him and wanting more than his hand... and she'd woken up this morning in his arms. You didn't just strip down to provide body contact for someone you didn't care about... did you?

"Will you stay with me, then?" she asked. "If I put my bikini on? It's not like it's anything you haven't seen before, anyway," she added.

_Something tells me your body looks a hell of a lot better now than it did when you were seventeen_, Lupin thought. He didn't particularly want the temptation of being close to Tonks in her bikini... but he was well aware that that was her compromise, and she wouldn't take a bath any other way. "Deal," he agreed reluctantly. "If you let me let Molly clean this place up. She's almost as good as your mum when it comes to getting a place ship-shape, certainly better than either of us." Tonks nodded her assent and Lupin quickly slipped on his shirt and left the room.

He stopped outside the door, leaning against it to gather his thoughts. _Tonks had come to! She would survive!_ Well, so long as she didn't underestimate her strength after such an ordeal and kill herself of exhaustion. Grinning wildly, he bolted down the stairs, too over-the-moon to stop and think about Apparating. "Molly!" he yelled as he went. "Molly! She's awake! Tonks is awake!"

Molly, as usual, was in the kitchen, which she seemed to have made as her office even when she wasn't cooking. Her eyes went wide with pleasurable surprise when Lupin told her this. "When?" she asked.

"Just now;she woke me up, actually. She wants a bath."

Molly understood. Or at least, she thought she understood. She doubted Tonks was in a state to have a bath unsupervised, and figured that was what Lupin was asking of her. "I'll be right there," she said, abandoning her plans for lunch – they could all fix their own sandwiches. "I have some great bath potions, they'll make her feel like a million Galleons."

Lupin found himself blushing at this. "She wants _me_ to supervise her," he said, the added, "in her bikini. Wouldn't accept any other solution, I was actually hoping you would freshen the room up in the meantime. I mean, look at what you've done with _this_ place."

That was true enough. The Black house had improved infinitely under Molly's housewife care. She accepted the compliment, but still eyed him suspiciously. "You're not going to try anything, are you?" she couldn't help but ask.

"Molly! As if I'm going to come onto someone who can't sit up for ten seconds. Besides," he added, a touch bitterly. "She told me she hated me."

"Can't say I blame her; if you'd conscripted Snape to hold me down and pour that revolting muck down my throat, I'd say it too," Molly said. "Doesn't mean she meant it, well, maybe at the time. But yes, I will help you. And I'm sure the poor girl is starving, too. But make sure you tell Snape before anything else, or he's likely to find out his own way and then come barging in. No, wait, he's at Hogwarts. I'll get a message to Kingsley, I don't trust the security of communications at that school while Umbridge is there."

Molly did just that and then Apparated upstairs with Lupin. He knocked on the door. "Are you decent?" he asked.

"Yes," she called back.

He opened the door. From across the room, he could tell that she had worn herself out just getting on her bikini and, for good measure, a sundress over the top of it. It amused him that she had done it because she didn't want to be that undressed in front of Molly, but she was willing to do so in front of Lupin. "Darling," Molly said, rushing forward to greet her. "Oh, I can't believe it. We all thought – I mean, we hoped – but we knew the odds – oooh," she cried, hugging her tightly.

"Careful," Lupin said mildly. "She's got the strength of a kitten." Reluctantly, Molly let her go, still crying. "You go have a bath, you deserve it," she said. "I'll make this place just as comfy as home."

Lupin scooped her off the bed, and she wrapped her arms weakly around his neck, pressing the side of her head against his chest, relishing the feel of his faster-than-average heartbeat. At one point, it had irritated her to no end how Charlie's body felt so cold, his heartbeat too slow, before she had realised that she had always been comparing to him Lupin's supernatural physiology. Lupin was her first love, her only love, and everyone else would always pale in comparison.

He laid her on the floor. "Sorry," he said when she shivered when the cold from the marble tiles went straight through her thin dress. He waved his wand at the bath and summoned up steaming hot water. "Give me ten seconds; I'll get you something to change into."

He walked back into the bedroom. "Thought you might want those," Molly said, waving at the dresser where pyjamas, a dressing gown, slippers and what Lupin assumed were some kind of bath solution.

"What did you do to these?" he asked enviously when he felt how soft and clean the pyjamas felt.

Molly shrugged. "Basic clothes cleaning spell," she said. "I actually learnt it from Andromeda. Which I guess Tonks never did."

He went back into the bathroom, taking the book he was reading with him for good measure. Maybe if he had something to occupy himself he wouldn't just sit there staring at her in her bikini. "Sorry about that," he said. "Molly did something to your clothes. Something about a basic cleaning spells."

She grinned. "Mum always tried to teach me it. She figured I might learn if she just stopped doing it for me, but I never did."

He put her clothes on the top of the basin and kneeled on the floor next to her. "Tell me if I'm making you feel awkward," he said huskily, thinking that _he_ was starting to feel pretty awkward. He loosened her sundress and pulled it over her head so she was sitting on the floor clad only in her bikini, shivering slightly. "Put your arms around my neck," he directed, and she did so, and he lifted her up and over into the bath. "Feeling warmer?" he asked. She nodded. "You just, um, your thing and ask if you need a hand."

"Can you pass me that bottle?" she asked, jerking her head towards the basin. Lupin retrieved it for her and, on her directions, poured it into the bath. Instantly the room smelled like jasmine. "Oooh, this was one that my mum created," she said happily. "Now, summon the bubbles. I don't have my wand on me."

"How do I do that?"

"You're such a guy," she teased, and his heart flipped at the sight of that smile. "_Accio bubbles_." He repeated the charm and a myriad of bubbles appeared in the bath. "Oooh, that feels so good," she said. She could feel the muck on her skin melting away and indulgently slipped down into the foam.

"Watch it, love," Lupin said mildly. "I don't want to have to come in after you." So Tonks obediently kept her head above the water, although Lupin could see her start to slip and then pull herself back up with increasing frequency. "I think it's time to get out," he said after fifteen minutes.

"Nooo..." she protested. "Please, Remus, this feels _so good_."

"You're really weak, love. You can't afford to overestimate yourself. No-one knows how far you can push yourself."

To her shame, she started to cry, but she felt so disgusting and so achy and the hot bubble bath felt so good that she wasn't willing to get out just yet. And Lupin had never had the heart to see her cry. "I'll do a minor levitation spell," he offered reluctantly. "But when I get tired, that's it, OK?" She nodded agreeably and he performed the spell.

Since he had to focus on maintaining the spell and couldn't read his book, he had no option but to keep his eyes on her. Christ, but she was even more beautiful weak and ill then she had been when she had been seventeen and screaming at him. "You want me to do that?" he found himself offering against his better judgement when he saw that she was struggling to drag the washcloth over herself. She could clean herself without needing magic, but there was a wonderful tactile feeling in the physical act and God knew, she needed to feel good.

She nodded and he tilted her forward slightly so he could wash her neck and back. Her skin felt so perfect under his fingers and he longed the discard the cloth and rub her neck in a decidedly loverly way. But she had told him that she hated him and would rather die than get back together with him, and besides, what kind of monster would he be if he made a move on someone who could barely keep herself upright for a few minutes, let alone fend off unwanted advances? "This from your mum?" he asked when he saw the thin scar across the base of her neck. She nodded slightly. "I'm sorry," he said.

"It wasn't your fault."

"I knew how angry she was. I shouldn't have left you alone with her. I was a coward."

"You weren't a coward, Remus. Actually, you were right all along. I shouldn't have pushed you into getting involved with me. I should have waited at least. But I guess it doesn't matter now."

"I guess not." _I hate you. I'd rather die_. The words kept echoing in his head. "You want me to wash your hair while I'm at it?" he offered, trying to veer the mood off the sad, reflective tone it seemed to have gotten onto. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he kicked himself. Because washing a woman's hair wasn't intimate _at all_.

"I'd like that," she said. "It feels like straw."

"It doesn't," he replied. "Trust me, I know." Despite himself, he remembered how she'd felt in his arms, her hair some outrageous colour draped just below her shoulders, his fingers twisting and stroking through it.

Half an hour later, he knew he couldn't keep the spell up and insisted that she had to get out. He wrapped her up in a large towel. "You think you can get yourself dressed or you want me to get Molly?"

She didn't want Molly to ruin their time alone together; she would rather painstakingly dress himself. She snuggled into pyjamas and the robe, feeling clean and warm. Fifteen minutes later Lupin came back in. "How do I look?" she asked.

"A hell of a lot better then you did a day ago," he said approvingly. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to bed. The smell of fresh flowers and fresh air hit her immediately. "Molly's doing," he explained. "She really outdid herself. Though I supposed fresh flowers are something of a waste when you have six boys. And she left you lunch, too. She wasn't sure what you needed – carbs, protein or sugar – so she made you a feast to cover all bases."

Her stomach grumbled and her mouth watered when she saw the massive tray Molly had left on the dresser. Spaghetti and meatballs, mashed potatoes whipped with cream, a crisp fresh salad and a huge slice of pecan pie. He tucked her under the duvet and passed the tray over to her. She ate as quickly as her weak arms would allow her to shovel food into her mouth. "Slow down, I'm sure she'll make you more if you're still hungry," he said. "You haven't eaten in four days; you don't want to swell your stomach."

Obediently, Tonks ate slower, but still polished everything else. "How are you feeling?" he asked solicitously.

"Tired," she admitted.

"You should rest then. You don't want to overdo yourself."

She snuggled down under the covers. "Remus," she murmured sleepily. "Will you stay with me? I felt so safe with you close by."

_Better than you telling me you hated me_, he thought. He walked around the other side of the bed and slid in beside her, drawing her into his arms. She certainly smelt a lot better than she had last night. Too good, really, it brought all the memories flooding back. "We never spent the night together, you know," she murmured sleepily as she settled into his arms, thinking along the same lines as he was. "You always made me go back home or to Hogwarts. I started to think you didn't really want to."

"If it means anything now, I wanted it more than anything," Lupin whispered in her ear.

"It means more then you can possibly think it does." She wriggled comfortably in his arms and it was as if the last six years had never happened and she was seventeen years old, lying in her lover's arms after a highly satisfying session in bed. "Remus?" she asked, even more sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"Can you wake me up for dinner? I want to see everyone."

"If that's what you want," he lied. He had no intention of waking her for anything if she was asleep. The Order could wait until tomorrow; her health couldn't.

He fell into a deep sleep, uninterrupted by her cries of pain and feeling more comfortable than he cared to admit with her lying in his arms. He woke early in the evening, with her still sound asleep, and got out of bed, leaving her to her recovery.

People were just sitting down to dinner – he did a quick head count, and almost the entire Order was there, Lupin suspected everyone who could get away from other commitments had descended on the place – and conversation stopped dead when they saw him. "She's sleeping peacefully," he said, and there was a collective sigh of relief. In the spirit of forgiveness, he turned to Snape. "You saved her life," he said, in full hearing of everyone. "Thank you." Snape shuffled awkwardly.

Alastor Moody stood up and cocked his head towards the door to a nearby room. Lupin knew better than to argue with him. In light of Dumbledore's frequent and length absences, he became the unofficial Head of the Order. Lupin followed Moody into the room, and Moody shut the door with his want, sealing it with an Imperturbable Charm for good measure – he was well aware of the abilities of the Weasley family to lurk, sneak and spy, particularly the twins. "Kingsley and I have spoken," he said, and Lupin knew this wasn't going to end well. Kingsley was Tonks's boss. "Andromeda and Ted need to be informed."

"I don't see why," Lupin said coolly. "She's an adult, in case any of you have missed the last six years." "

Don't act like a child," Moody said. "They're her parents. And I thought you and Andromeda made your peace."

"We did. But she makes her sister look like a hands-off mother. She'll be storming the place to snatch her back the second you tell them."

"With all the unplottable spells Sirius has put on this place? I don't think so. And just so you know, Sirius agreed with me. They have a right to know. _You'd_ want to know if it was your daughter."

"_I_ wouldn't have beaten the crap out of her for her choice of boyfriends," Lupin countered.

"So is that what this is about? A turf war?" Lupin mumbled something that he thought was unintelligible and Moody grinned. He'd had extensive magical equipment inserted in his ears and could beat Lupin in the supernatural hearing stakes. "You may very well win in a turf war, but is that what you want?"

"No," he admitted.

"Then surely you can understand it's in your best interest for them to be told. I was going to send Kingsley to talk to them. They trust him. He'll make sure they know what you did for her."

Moody's words were punctuated by a terrified scream coming from Tonks's room. There was a chaotic sound of confusion and footsteps coming from outside the room Lupin and Moody were in. Lupin reacted quickly and Apparated straight up to the room, getting there first. His heart was in his throat as he thought that maybe she had relapsed – it wasn't like they knew anything about recovering from a waper bite – before he realised that she was bolt upright in bed and very much conscious. He wrenched her into his arms. "I'm here, love," he said, holding her tightly.

"I dreamed – it was on me – couldn't get it off –" she sobbed brokenly.

He buried his face in her hair. "It was just a nightmare," he murmured soothingly. "Just a nightmare. You're OK, love."

"You said you wouldn't leave," she sobbed into his chest.

He hadn't said that exactly, but he wasn't about to contradict her. Besides, she was coming around to reality enough to address him coherently. "I know, I'm sorry," he whispered. "I won't leave you again."

There seemed something binding about those words, something strangely, hauntingly, promisingly binding. At that moment, the door burst open, with Molly at the front of the pack of concerned Order members. Lupin was surprised he was the only one who had thought to Apparate straight into the room. Too late he remembered Molly had a rule about it; a resident Den Mother of the HQ, she would tolerate it no more than she did in her own home. Well, being at Tonks's side was far more important than any of Molly's rules. "She's OK." He said gruffly. "It was just a nightmare. I'll stay with her." No-one was prepared to argue with him when he had that look on his face – besides, he had done a pretty good job so far of keeping her as calm as was possible.

Once they were alone again, he eased her back into bed and let her cry softly into his chest, crying out her fears. Finally she said, "I can't sleep anymore. Not yet."

"How about I fix us a late dinner and we go out into the gardens?" he suggested. "It's really pretty, if somewhat rundown. Apparently Walburga loved gardening. By which I mean she loved instructing Kreacher to tend to the garden."

That got a small laugh out of Tonks. "She was mum's least-favourite aunt," she said. "Which says a lot."

So he rugged her up and carried her downstairs and outside, leaving her momentarily on an ornate, if somewhat tarnished seat while he retrieved leftovers from the kitchen. "Sorry if she scared you all," he said when he ran into Molly in the kitchen.

"Looks like she gave you quite a fright, too," Molly said.

"And sorry for Apparating straight into her room; I know you hate it."

She waved him away. "Oh, that. I hate it when my boys are too lazy to walk up and down the stairs. I wouldn't mind it so much if they only did it when they thought someone they loved was hurt."

Despite himself, he grinned at that. "So you believe I love her, then?" he asked. Molly swatted him away.

He spent over two hours with Tonks in the garden. After she had eaten she stretched out on the seat, her head in his lap. "Thanks for being here," she said. "I'm such a baby."

"You're a frightened young woman who's survived someone that hardly anyone's survived," he said. He conjured up a blanket and waited until she was sound asleep before taking her back into the house.


	15. Chapter 15

Tonks flinched violently when Snape pressed too hard for anything resembling comfort into the healing wound on her arm from where the waper had bitten her, and then where toxic feelers on its legs had dug into her skin where Lupin had dragged it off her arm. He was reluctant to use magic to heal it until he was satisfied there was no toxin in either her body, in the wound, and that the wound was merely superficial – if painfully so. Tonks flung her good arm around Lupin's neck and released a soft cry into his shoulder. "Do you have to hurt her so much?" he asked Snape testily.

"So sorry," he said sarcastically. "Last I checked I was Potions Master, not a Healer. I'm happy to give her a potion, then you can tell her parents you didn't want to hurt her if something goes wrong." Lupin gritted his teeth and shot Snape a filthy look but let Snape continue what he was doing. After a few more minutes, he was satisfied that the wound was merely a flesh one and ran the tip of his want over her arm. "Heal," he chanted softly.

There was a prickly, burning sensation along her arm as the skin healed itself and Tonks wrapped it around Lupin, clasping it with her other one. She buried his head in his shoulder, and in doing so, her hair slid across her neck. "Hey, what's this?" Snape asked, brushing her hair completely to the side to reveal the scar that ran along the base of her neck. "If I didn't know any better, I would say it was Bellatrix's work"

"And you would know this, how exactly?" Lupin asked testily.

"We all had our signature curses," Snape said, referring to the Death Eaters. "Bellatrix had this thing with inflicting wounds that took months to heal and left scars that couldn't be removed. But this," he said, running his fingers across the scar in typical Snape style, not bothering to ask Tonks if it was alright to invade her personal space like that, "is not her work."

"And you know that how?" Lupin asked, just as testily. He wrapped his arms tighter around Tonks's waist, wishing that Snape would stop touching her.

"Because one, I could feel it if it was," he announced casually, as if it was no big deal that fifteen years after Voldermort had been defeated and Snape had renounced his ways, he still had a weird psychic connection with other Death Eaters. "And two," he said, bringing his wand to her neck, "I wouldn't be able to do this. Heal," he said again, and there was the same prickly sensation, but this time far more pleasant, as the scar vanished like it was no more than a pencil line on a piece of paper being erased.

"I already tried that!" Lupin said indignantly, a little put out that _Snape_ had one more thing over him when it came to Tonks. "Several times."

"With all the Dark Magic in your experience, I suppose," Snape said sarcastically. "Anything else you want me to fix while I'm here?" he asked Tonks.

"No," Lupin said shortly.

Despite himself, Snape smirked, and it made him look remarkably human, at least by Snape's standards. "Is he like this with every man who touches you?" he asked Tonks.

Tonks withdrew her head from Lupin's neck and rewarded Snape with a small smile. "He was worse with Charlie," she said.

"Funny, out of the four I always pegged Potter as the possessive boyfriend type" he said, which sounded remarkably like a joke to Lupin's ears – one at his expense, granted, but not a particularly malicious one. "So it's too amateur to be Bellatrix," he mused. "Who was it then? Narcissa or Andromeda?" he asked with genuine interest.

"Mum."

"Ah. I always figured her for the most pacifist of the three. What did you do to piss her off?"

"Nothing that warranted beating the crap out of her," Lupin spoke up.

Snape's eyes glittered with amusement. Lupin wished he hadn't chosen now to develop a sense of humour. "She caught you in bed together, didn't she? Good grief, Remus, what possessed you to go to her place?"

"I bullied him into it. His entire apartment was, like the same size as my bedroom."

"Was not."

"Was too, I checked the dimensions one day." But as she was speaking, she was looking at him in a way that said she had been quite happy with his tiny apartment, and everything else about it.

* * *

"Nymphodora, no more excuses. I'm taking you to see your parents."

Tonks crossed her arms across her chest and did her best to look defiant, which was never easy with Moody. Not only did he have phenomenal perceptions, but he had been her mentor, so it was difficult to defy him.

"They have a right to know what's happened to you."

"I'm fine now."

"Remus doesn't seem to think that," Moody said slyly. Her naturally robust constitution was restoring her health and strength in leaps and bounds, but she appeared to regress whenever Lupin was around to support her and carry her around and stay with her until she fell asleep. "And the fact you're fine now is all the more reason to go and see them. They're less likely to cause a fuss if they can see you're doing well. You were bitten by a waper, Nymphodora," Moody reminded her needlessly. "That's not something many people can live to tell."

She glowered at Moody, knowing perfectly well that he was right. "Fine, but I want Remus to come with me."

"I've already spoken to Remus about that, and he agrees it's a bad idea." Tonks's eyes started to flash, both at being told no and the fact the two men had discussed her behind her back, and Moody waved her silent. "Listen to me, Nymphodora, and I'll tell you why it's a bad idea. He's worked hard to get back in your parent's good books. How do you think they'll feel when he goes with you and does his protective-boyfriend act the second things get a little tense?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Be that as it may," Moody said, taking note of the longing tone in her voice when she said that, "he still acts supremely protective of you. If you and your parents disagree over anything at all, that protective instinct will most likely kick in and he'll whisk you out of there before they can do anything. And all that will do is make them resent him for taking you from them. Is that what you want to happen?"

"No," Tonks admitted in a small voice.

"Then see them without making them feel like they're going to have to compete with him for you," Moody said reasonably. "I'll be there with you, I'll get you out of there if I think things are getting hairy," he promised. Tonks relaxed slightly at the thought. If there was one person she felt secure around after Lupin, it was Moody. "Oh, and Nymphodora?" Moody asked when he saw that Tonks was agreeable to the idea.

"Yeah?"

"Drop the invalid act. Remus might take accept any thin excuse that means he gets to touch you, but I know perfectly well you can walk."

"Dora! Darling, it's been so long..." Andromeda said longingly when she saw her daughter for the first time in over a year. She eyed her critically. She looked thin and weak, and Andromeda actually missed the vibrant hair colours and wacky outfits. "Alastor," she said to Moody. She was fond of the retired Auror, who had not only been a very talented Auror but had taken Tonks under his wing and taught her every considerable thing he knew. "Is something the matter?"

"You might want to sit down," Moody suggested. "Nymphodora has had something of a health scare. I thought you might like to be informed... and see that she's recovering well."

Andromeda paled visibly at the thought of anything happening to her only child. Moody solicitously helped her into a comfortable chair. "_Grimmauld Place was somewhat infested and she had a little run-in with a waper,_" he said, making it sound like it was no more than a bad fall – which for Tonks, was practically an everyday occurrence.

Andromeda's eyes went wide. "A waper?" she cried. "As in, the parasite that kills most things with one bite?"

"Most things," Moody agreed casually.

Andromeda looked at Tonks who, apart from looking thin, pale and far too traditionally dressed for Tonks, looked well. "But – how?" she asked.

"You're not going to like this, Dromeda, but the combined efforts of Remus Lupin and Severus Snape. If they hadn't been there and reacted as quickly as they had, she wouldn't have made it. It was touch-and-go for a few days as it was."

For a second, Andromeda looked remarkably like her older sister when her lip curled up in disgust with the knowledge that her daughter owed her life to two men she detested. Well, she didn't exactly detest Lupin – liked him quite a bit, actually, so long as he steered clear of her daughter – but to have them both responsible for Tonks's life!

Finally, her maternal instinct kicked in and she swallowed her disgust. "How are you feeling?" she asked Tonks. They hadn't seen each other for more than a year, since Lupin had come by to tell her about Sirius.

"I feel stronger every day," she said truthfully. Her words got a grin out of Moody, who had witnessed her playing down her increasing strength and health to get sympathy and attention from Lupin. "I'm fine, mum, really, I am. It was – really bad – for a while," she admitted, her throat catching on really bad when she remembered her pain and delirium, "but Snape says I'm recovering well, and he's even worse than Madam Pomfrey."

Andromeda laughed at that. Madam Pomfrey had been the hospital wing Matron at Hogwarts since before even Andromeda's time, and she'd always had exacting standards when it came to her patients' recoveries, as she herself had found out more than once. "And you're happy with the Order?" she asked.

Tonks grinned at that, knowing exactly what her mother was getting at. "Between Sirius, Remus and Alastor, there's barely any strife I can get into," she half-complained and half-reassured her mother. "Other than the nasties that have taken up residence in the Black house."

Feeling the paternal protection of Moody behind her, Tonks began to relax around her mother, and Andromeda put in the effort as well. It helped that she looked happier than she had in years, despite the fact she looked too thin and pale than Andromeda would have liked. Deep down, she was aware that Remus Lupin was a large part of that happiness.

After an hour or so, Ted returned from work, and was just as surprised as Andromeda had been to see his daughter – and just as horrified to hear about her brush with death. After all, what was the point of letting her join the Order under the supervision of her cousin and former mentor if she was going to get herself almost killed without so much as leaving the house.

He grinned dryly when he found out that Remus Lupin was part of the Order. He had no doubt that Tonks had found out about it, and been determined to join for that reason. But then, according to Moody, Lupin's quick-thinking – along with Snape's – had saved Tonks's life. And Ted had never been as against Tonks's relationship with Lupin as Andromeda had been. Sure, he had been angry to find them in bed together, and her at such a young age, but at the end of the day, he knew he couldn't begrudge his daughter loving someone who loved her back but that society deemed to be beneath her – after all, hadn't he been in that exact same position twenty-five years ago? And hadn't he gotten twenty-five years of marital bliss out of it?

So he sat down for a good long catch-up with his daughter while Andromeda and Moody retired to another room for a chat of their own. "Do they still have feelings for one another?" she asked contemptuously, as if 'feelings' were nothing more than an infatuation between two impetuous people who should have known better.

"I think so, yes,' Moody said, although he knew so; you didn't need to be an Auror to know those two shared an exceptionally uncommon bond. "I suspect it's only a matter of time before they get back together. So you've got to let go of these issues you have with him, Dromeda. Yes, he's a werewolf. But the only time he's ever hurt her is when you pressured him to leave her."

"I never – "

"Let's not have denial between old friends," Moody said calmly. "I don't imagine it would have taken you much to appeal to his better nature – kind of ironic when you think about it, given that most people don't think werewolves have better natures – and leave her to find herself someone better. You might have been able to put the pressure on him when she was seventeen, but you won't be able to do it now. You're going to have to let go of all these ideas you have if you want to keep her in your life. Because I suspect there will come a day not too far away where if you force her to choose, she'll choose him.

"I don't want her to go through what I did, Alastor," Andromeda admitted.

"Would you take it back if you knew then what you know now?" Moody asked.

"Of course not."

"Then maybe you should give her the same benefit of the doubt. Because I promise you if you don't, somewhere along the line, you'll lose her. I'd bet Galleons on that."

Moody and Tonks returned to the headquarters soon after. "What did you say to her?' she asked him. "She actually asked me about Remus, sounded almost interested, too."

"There's a war coming, Nymphodora, maybe it's occurred to your mother that the good guys need to stand together if they stand any chance of beating the bad." Tonks didn't believe for a second that that was what Moody had told her, but she didn't push it.

Lupin was waiting for her in the main living room when they got back. "How'd it go?" he asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

"Good," she said brightly. "No – better than good. I miss them," she admitted. There was so much more she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to say it. How did she express her deepest hopes that maybe someday her parents would understand how much she loved Lupin – and how much she hoped he loved her – and how much she hoped that they might accept him as much a son as a son-in-law?

"How are you feeling?" he asked solicitously.

"A little tired," she lied, because the adrenaline of a happy meeting with her parents was coursing through her veins. She felt Moody's eyes on her at the lie. "I feel like a bath and then lying in front of the fire. You feel up to a game of chess?" he had taught her when she had been ten, and for the next seven years they had whiled away dozens, if not hundreds of hours playing it.

He smiled. The thought of an evening alone with her, away from the increasingly-prying eyes of the other inhabitants of Grimmauld Place, sounded lovely.

Hours later they were lying in front of the fire in her room in companionable silence, their game of chess played to a draw. "Thanks for everything," she said suddenly. "For staying with me when I was sick – for everything."

"I was hardly going to leave you to your distress, love," he protested.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" she asked.

He shrugged. "It's just my name for you. I don't much like Tonks. Why, does it bother you?"

"No. I was just curious why you keep using it. I mean, if you meant anything by it."

He looked at her quizzically, trying to get the meaning behind her roundabout approach of questioning. "Nymphodora," he said deliberately. "Is this going somewhere?"

"I'msorryIsaidIhatedyou," she blurted out in a whisper.

"Eh?"

"I'm sorry – " she swallowed hard, then repeated her words slowly. "I'm sorry. I said. I hated you."

"Oh, that." He waved casually at nothing, the insult forgotten. "I held you down and forced a revolting concoction down your throat. I didn't blame you for it." He propped himself up on his elbow so he was looking down at her. "Don't tell me it's been bothering you."

"No. I mean, not exactly. I just – I remember what you said – and I told you I'd rather die and – well, I wasn't very grateful," she admitted.

"Don't worry about it."

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" he asked distractedly. God, but she looked gorgeous, the way her skin flickered hues of gold in the firelight.

"About – when I got better – " she floundered for her words.

He smiled lovingly at her. "Yeah," he said. "I meant it." And he leant forward, his forehead touching hers, taking his time, inhaling her smell, feeling her skin made warm by the fire, hearing her heartbeat increase in her chest. He leaned in to kiss her and...

... "Remus, is there ever going to be a point where I find you in your own room?" came Snape's sarcastic voice from the door. Typical of Snape, he had let himself in.

Lupin lost his balance and went crashing down on Tonks, who grunted. Lupin scrambled to his feet, feeling almost as embarrassed at the time they had been caught by her parents. "Merlin's beard, Severus, ever heard of knocking?"

"Sorry," Snape said, sounding genuinely contrite. "You told me to come get you when I'd finished the Wolfsbane."

Crap, Lupin thought. He'd completely forgotten. He looked apologetically at Tonks. "I'm sorry, I have to do this," he said, wishing Snape had been just a few seconds later, or that he hadn't wasted so much time taking in her feel and smell before going to kiss her.

She nodded, trying to hide the disappointment in her eyes. She told herself it was a bad time of the month for him anyway; if he needed Wolfsbane then it was less than a week to the full moon.

Feeling like a schoolkid been caught out by a teacher, Lupin followed Snape out the door. "One word of this to anyone," he promised, "and I'll tell Harry you wanted to bone his mother."


	16. Chapter 16

_**Hey guys! Thanks everyone for reading! For those of you who've hung around this long, we finally get some action! But of course what would a decent angsty L/T fic be without some imaginary obstacles of Lupin's? Stay tuned...**_

**Chapter Sixteen  
**

"Love, it's far too nice a day to spend indoors. I've packed a picnic, let's go into the gardens."

Tonks smiled delightedly at the thought. She was feeling pretty restless and it was a beautiful day out, and time alone with Lupin away from the prying eyes of everyone at Grimmauld Place would be lovely.

She was fully recovered now, and everyone but Lupin seemed to know about it. Actually, she may have encouraged him a little to think that she wasn't as strong as she was; she liked the way whenever she got up he was at her side, ready to offer an arm around her waist if she needed it. And she rarely declined it. The feel of his arm around her, strong and secure, felt wonderful, even if he only ever meant it in a solicitous fashion.

She met him downstairs and he went to put his arm around her waist the way he always did when they were alone together, ostensibly to support her. She didn't want him to support her; she wanted him to hold her hand. She wriggled awkwardly out of his grasp, attempting to force him to accept her hand instead of her waist, and in typical Tonks fashion, overbalanced herself and ended up on her ass on the floor.

"You OK?" Lupin asked mildly, judging from the embarrassed rather than pained expression on her face that she was fine – physically at least.

"Fine," she grunted, clamouring awkwardly to her feet with Lupin's hand. "I just don't need to be supported."

"Can I hold your hand then?" he asked hopefully. "Sorry, love, but I just don't trust you to tell me if you're feeling tired and I can feel you start to lag when you're tired."

It wasn't the reason she wanted him to want to hold her hand, but it was better than nothing, and she threaded her fingers through his. He'd always had a strong grip, and she loved the way it felt like he 'had' her when he held her hand like that.

They walked much further into the gardens then they had gone before, way beyond the spying eyes of various Order members. "I can't believe how big this place is," she said in wonder. Lupin had taken her to Hampton Court Palace – she loved muggle history almost as much as she loved muggle London – and she could swear that the grounds of Grimmauld Place were just as extensive... but to the human eye, the place was literally nonexistent, a council error which had resulted in number twelve being skipped and eleven going straight to thirteen.

"I suspect it's actually outside regulations of what could be concealed within a muggle settlement," Lupin said. "But what would a Black house be without flagrant disregard for the rules? Sorry," he added absently. Sometimes, when Tonks was being placid and obedient, he forgot that she had a temper and a will to rival her mother and aunts.

"No offense taken," she said with an impish smile that reminded him that she was perfectly capable of displaying a temper and determination to get her way.

They settled down in a shaded grassy area out of view of the house. Lupin lay out a picnic blanket and began pulling out a delicious array of food and drinks. "Dad and I used to have picnics all the time when I was younger," Tonks remembered wistfully. "Mum never understood what the point was."

"Molly didn't either," Lupin admitted. "Didn't see the point in lugging food from a perfectly good kitchen to sit on the ground, but Lily loved them so we used to go as far to the edge of Hogwarts grounds as we could get away with. It was when Severus first started getting involved with a group of Slytherins that almost all turned out to be Death Eaters, so I think she really needed someone to confide in."

"So you knew her before James did?" Tonks asked.

Lupin nodded. "Well, I suppose not technically – we were all first-years together. But I became friends with Lily first, if that's what you mean. I always had a knack for smoothing over a situation. It first started because she wanted me to get James and Sirius to lay off Severus. Like I had that kind of influence on them, but it started us being friends. Lily and I, I mean."

"You and Snape seem pretty friendly these days yourselves," she said pointedly.

"We understand each other better than we did once," he clarified. "I think there's too much bad blood there for us to ever be friends, but there's no need to behave like schoolboys with a grudge."

"And he really had a crush on Lily?" Tonks asked. Lupin nodded slightly, and Tonks made a face. "That's yuk," she said. "That's like me and Charlie... only yuckier."

"I've known you from the same age Severus knew Lily," Lupin pointed out mildly. "There's been plenty of people who thought that was – yuk."

"That's different. We love_d_ – " Tonks hurried tacked on the _d _so the past tense would make her sound less hung up on him – "each other."

"And you don't give Severus any credit for loving Lily?" he asked. She shook her head resolutely. "She was the reason he changed sides, you know. He made a deal with Dumbledore to do whatever he wanted in return for keeping Lily safe. No mention of James and Harry, though," he added ruefully. "But you don't just double-cross Voldemort because you have the hots for someone."

"You sound like you really understand him," she said, a trifle grudgingly, because, like most Hogwarts students who hadn't been in Slytherin, she was loathe to part with the idea that Snape was anything but a cruel, hard taskmaster who unfairly favoured his own house to the detriment of the other three.

"I know what it's like to love someone you can't have... who everyone reckons is way out of your league. And he knows I understand. It helped thaw the ice between us."

She longed to ask him if he still loved her. If nothing else, she hated Snape for interrupting their kiss over the stupid Wolfsbane. And she knew he had been about to kiss her – if only Snape had been a few seconds late and he had kissed her. You couldn't take a kiss back, although you could pretend that an almost-kiss had never happened. But she kept quiet; scared that she might hear something she didn't want to – like maybe that Lupin was glad their almost-kiss had been interrupted.

Instead, she focused on the beautiful day. Lupin was, as always, excellent company, and Molly was an excellent cook. After they had eaten and the picnic basket was packed back up – using magic, no less – Tonks stretched out on the blanket, enjoying the natural sunlight from a rare warm day. "This was lovely," she murmured comfortable. "Thanks for getting me out of the house."

She looked so beautiful, stretched out in the sun like a particularly adorable cat, her eyes closed in relaxation as she soaked up the sunshine. Lupin felt a little uncomfortable just watching her, like he was some kind of voyeur, but the thing was, he couldn't stop. "Remus is there any chocolate left?" she asked lazily after a while.

"There is, but since you ate three-quarters of it in one go, it's mine," he said.

She took that as a challenge, bolting upright and reaching for the basket. Her quick reaction surprised him, and she had the chocolate in her hand before he could stop her. "No you don't," he said, trying to grab it out of her hands.

"Possession is nine-tenths of the law!" she squealed. It was a favourite expression of her dad's, although it didn't make much sense in the magic community, where something was either yours or it wasn't. "Ah – let go – you didn't want any before so you don't have any claim to what I had – ooof – that means at least half of what's left is mine."

He was on top of her, his hands over hers, trying to dislodge her iron grip on the chocolate. She brought her knees up against her chest and used the muscles in her legs to push him off.

He felt the power in her legs and was so surprised that he almost fell off her. "Wait a sec," he grunted.

"I'm not giving up the chocolate," she promised.

"You can keep the chocolate." He let go of her hands, bringing one hand down to her thigh and using his free hand to brace himself against the ground. "Push against me as hard as you can," he directed her. She did, and he could feel the muscles in her thigh flex and strain under his hand, all without any appearance of exhaustion. It immediately brought to mind memories of the way she would wrap her legs around his waist when he was on top of her. "I didn't realise you felt so strong," he murmured, searching her face for some kind of overexertion.

She lowered her eyes, finally caught out pretending she wasn't as strong as she was. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I know nothing's going to happen between us. I just liked the way you were always around to support me."

"You're a dopey, dopey girl, you know that?" She squirmed, turned her face away from him so he couldn't see how stupid she felt. She hated it when he referred to her as a 'girl' but she figured she deserved it this time. "And here I was, waiting for you to get stronger so I would exhaust you and make things worse."

She turned her face back to his. "What?" she asked.

"You. Are. A. Dopey girl. Here was me, figuring your folks will hate me enough for breaking my promise and going after you again that I won't make it worse by coming onto you when you're not fully recovered, and you've been acting like you're weaker then you are so – what, I'd put my arm around you? I'd have done a lot more than that if I'd known you were strong enough to take it."

She felt herself going red with embarrassment. She had made a fool of herself where if she'd just been honest – Abruptly, she got up. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"Back to the house," she said, on the verge of tears. "And I'm capable of taking everything back by myself."

"Tonks, sit down," he instructed her. She ignored him. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back down onto the ground. She landed with a squeal on her back. "I told you to _sit down_," he said. He hoisted herself on top of her and kissed her deeply, pushing his tongue insistently, possessively into her mouth, silently demanding her to kiss him back until she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily, running her fingers frantically through his hair, wanting to prove to herself that this was real, that his weight on top of her was real, that his lips and tongue and hands were real...

"Sorry," he panted after a few minutes when he pulled away to breathe. "I thought if I didn't do it something else would come along."

"All the way out here?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked. She responded by grabbing his neck and pulling herself up to kiss him again. She rubbed her legs against his, and within moments they were entangled together, gyrating together in a rhythm that was both familiar and new. "Love," he whispered hoarsely after a few minutes of kissing before he pulled away from her lips and buried his face in her neck. "I've missed you so much. I'm never letting you go again." As if to demonstrate it, he slid his hands inside her shirt and dug his fingers possessively, almost painfully, into her flesh.

They couldn't get enough of each other, hands wandering over every bare bit of skin and then some. Lupin moved his mouth downwards, kissing her through her shirt, bunching her shirt up to just under her bra, running his hands and mouth over her abdomen before moving back up to kiss her on the mouth. She yanked his shirt up so their bare skin could touch. She wriggled and signed underneath him, some distant voice in her wondering how she could ever have been the least bit happy with Charlie when it was Lupin who made her feel safe, secure and insanely sexy at the same time. "Remus," she cried his name over and over as she raked her nails the length of his back. "Please tell me you're protected.'

Lupin showed remarkable restraint in slowing to a halt rather than stopping abruptly. "I'm sorry, love," he apologised. "But it's revolting and I never expected this to happy again, I haven't taken it in years and I need a full cycle." Panting, the lay on his back and pulled her into his arms so she was lying on her side with her head on his chest. "I'll take it as soon as we get back."

He could tell she was making a face. "A month?" she asked, her voice heavy with disappointment. "We have to wait a month?"

"Unless you want me to explain to your parents how I exposed you to my werewolf genes – and they will find out, love. Half the Order already thinks we're sleeping together. All of them will know if we actually are."

She choked back her disappointment. Lupin was right, but the thought of having to keep her hands off him for a whole month... "Oh, don't think like that," he whispered huskily in her ear, sensing her thoughts. "We can have plenty of fun without having sex. You know what I always wanted?"

"To spend the night with you," Tonks agreed, flinging her arm across Lupin's chest. "Molly'll pitch a fit. She's so traditional sometimes, like her kids not being exposed to immoral relationships." She giggled.

He chuckled at that. "She said something to me, I think she thought she was being discreet, that she would prefer certain unnamed persons live together openly then sneak around and make something secretive and dirty out of something that's supposed to be healthy. That or she was telling me she wanted to know straightaway if we got back together."

"And?" she asked hopefully, remembering how secretive and dirty she had felt, having to sneak around with him.

"And... I don't see any point in sneaking around. Not only do I doubt we could get anything past Molly or Alastor, but I don't want to go through that again. I love you, Tonks. I don't want to take something that feels natural and healthy and turn it into something that feels secretive and dirty."

She propped herself up on one shoulder so she could look down at him. "I can't tell you how many times I wanted to hear that," she whispered, and lowered her head to kiss him...

... "Alright everyone, pay up! I win!" Charlie's voice crowed through the dining room when Tonks and Lupin returned a few hours later looking tired and happy, holding hands, just in time for dinner. Of course, there hadn't been a day that had gone by in the past few weeks where Lupin hadn't at some point had his arm around her waist or had been holding her hand, but it was clearly different this time. They were clearly in love and not hiding it from anyone, least of all themselves.

"Excuse me? Were you betting on when we would get together?" Lupin asked incredulously.

Charlie was grinning smugly. At a Galleon for every day a person wanted to bet on, there was a fair kitty to be had. "So you are together," he crowed triumphantly. "Pay up, everyone."

There were grumbles all around as people at the table paid up their money. At that point, Molly came out of the kitchen, not looking the least bit surprised when she saw Lupin and Tonks holding hands. "Remus, Severus wants to see you in his study," she said. "Soon as you're free."

"You going to be OK dealing with this mob?" he asked softly. She nodded. She had largely grown up with 'that mob' and knew how to handle the Weasleys. "I'll come to your room if I miss dinner, OK?" he promised, and she nodded again before he headed towards the room Snape had commandeered as a study/laboratory.

"Forgetting something?" Charlie asked cheekily. Lupin stopped dead in his tracks, taking Charlie too seriously than he should have. "Aren't you going to kiss her goodbye?" Everyone at the table laughed when Lupin blushed deep red, both because it was amusing how embarrassed as private man as Lupin was at being caught out, and because he had allowed himself to be tripped up by a Weasley when by now he should have known better. "Oh, come on," he complained. "I don't technically win until we get a PDA. And you owe me," he added.

"Charlie!" Molly admonished him.

But Lupin just smiled placidly. "I'm sorry, Charlie, in _what _universe are you the same age as the woman I love?" he asked. But he squeezed Tonks's hand, reading her face for permission to kiss her publicly – not that he needed it, it was what she had wanted for six years. He wrapped his arm around her waist, drawing her into him, and kissed her deeply – and publicly, which was obvious enough, judging from the applause and wolf-whistles. "Happy now?" he asked Charlie.

"Very," Charlie said, mentally tallying up how much he would make out of this. A few meters between them, he and Tonks shared a look. I'm happy for you, he said silently. Thank you, she said back.

"I take it from the racket in the dining room you were demonstrating your passion for a certain Black?" Snape asked sarcastically. He always enjoyed making Lupin squirm. "I've seen first years behave with more maturity on Valentine's Day."

"What's your point?" Lupin asked crossly, thinking that he could be sitting down to dinner with his girlfriend, holding her hand, but instead, he had been sent to Snape like a schoolboy in trouble.

"When was the last time you took that potion of Lily's?" Snape asked, getting straight to the point. "OK, I'll take that to mean years if you can't actually remember," he said when Lupin struggled to recall the exact date. "Please don't tell me you had your way with that girl. Because while I personally don't care if you choose to jeopardize your own hide, we only just got this place cleaned, and I'd rather not have to scrape you off the walls when Andromeda finds out you had unprotected sex with her daughter."

"You mean grumble about the inconvenience while Molly does it," Lupin retorted good-naturedly. Something told him that Snape might actually care. "And no, we didn't. If it was anyone else but you, I'd be insulted that you'd think I'd expose her to that. But then, I understand trusting a person doesn't really come easy to you, being a retired Death Eater and all."

"You want your potion or not?" Snape asked pointedly.

"I know how to make it myself."

"You know the _ingredients _and the _process_," Snape corrected him.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't _ingredients _and _process _the key things to making a potion?" Lupin asked, doing a fair imitation of Snape when he stressed the same words.

"No, it's just the end product when a real potions master creates a new potion so the great unwashed can imitate them. What I'm talking about is how Lily came to create it in the first place."

Lupin wasn't particularly interested, but it was obvious that he was supposed to be. "OK, I'll bite," he said. "How did Lily create it?"

"I've been going through her notes. It's actually a combination of two potions. She couldn't create one potion that encompassed both human and werewolf so she made two and bound them together. What you've been making since is actually two potions and a binding. You've been taking one that stops the human DNA from procreating and one that stops the wolf side from doing it."

"So?"

"So... they can be unbound. You can keep taking the potion she first made for you, or you can just take one for the werewolf DNA, or you can take one which represses the werewolf part and amps up the human part. It's absolutely fascinating; she had actually started on the theory for that one. It's binding a contraceptive and a fertility drug together. I can't believe she had the theory down all those years ago..."

Lupin had a feeling that Snape could happily go on about the brilliance that had been Lily Evans for hours if he let him. "So what's this got to do with me?" he asked, although he was already putting it together but could scarcely believe the options that were opening up for him.

"It means you don't have to make a choice between exposing her to your werewolf DNA and not having children," Snape said impatiently. "Merlin, and I thought I was talking to an intelligent adult here. Remus?" Snape asked, peering curiously at him. "I thought you'd be over the moon – no pun intended."

Lupin smiled in a none-too-convincing way. "I am," he said. "I just – never thought I'd have that option." He and Tonks had talked about having children in theory, of course, but that was all it had ever been, theory. He had known he couldn't take the risk of bringing a child into the world that could inherit his werewolf characteristics.

Now he didn't have to take that risk. Now there were a whole range of possibilities opening up for him, and the idea petrified him. "I, um... thankyou, but I need to go... think."

"About? I've just given you a guarantee that you'll have human children, and you need to think about it?"

"Lay off," Lupin snapped, so shortly that even Snape was surprised. "Look, I appreciate your help, but I need to process this. Um, can you not tell Tonks about this?"

"Why, scared she might think it's the best possible outcome?" Snape asked snarkily. "God, you can be such a coward sometimes. No wonder you never stood up to James and Sirius. You'd rather keep your head down and hope that no-one calls you on your bullshit. You'd rather carry on feeling sorry for yourself and this half-life you reckon you have than take opportunities when you can."

"Shut your mouth."

"Make me."

The two men glared at each other like they had done so many times at Hogwarts – both as students and professors. Finally, Lupin broke the ice by walking out the door, slamming it for good measure and Apparating straight into his room so he wouldn't have to pass the dining room on his way to it.

* * *

There was a tentative knock on the door a few hours later. "Remus?" said Tonks's small voice. He hadn't returned to the dining room after his talk with Snape, nor had he come to her room like he'd said he would. She was starting to get a little worried. "Can I come in?"

There was no reply so she let herself in. Maybe he had fallen asleep; she hoped he would have, because that would explain why he hadn't come to see her. No such luck. He was sitting on his bed, going through what looked like a massive book of text or notes, scowling and scribbling through stuff as he went. "Remus?" she asked tentatively. "Are you OK?"

"Fine," he grunted. He should have known that Tonks wouldn't just go to her room. She had waited too long for him to make his move to let him wriggle out of it that easily.

"Then why didn't you come to my room like you said? I'm sorry if I made you feel like we should have sex," she blurted out. "I don't care about that. I mean, I do, but I can wait. I just want to be with you."

"It's not about sex," he grunted.

She took note of the fact he hadn't added 'love', and her heart fell. "Then what – " she started to ask.

"I'm just busy, that's all."

She put her hands on her hips. "Doing what?" she challenged.

He scowled at her, resenting how quickly she penetrated his excuses – though admittedly, they weren't so much excuses as him being rude to her while a jumble of thoughts bounced around hodge-podge in his head. "I'm beginning to understand how Sirius feels," he said cuttingly. "Just because I don't have a respectable job doesn't mean I'm not capable of contributing."

"I never said you weren't! No-one did!" Tonks said, baffled by Lupin's sudden change of heart. Was he regretting kissing her? Had what felt romantic in the garden just feel like it was trouble waiting to happen now they were back in the house and confronting by merciless ribbing?

Lupin just shrugged at that, as if he didn't believe her, and Tonks's stubborn Black pride rose to the surface. "Fine," she snapped. "Enjoy... doing whatever it is you're doing." And she turned on her heel and walked out the door with as much dignity as she could muster. All the while wanting to sob because just when she thought he had finally accepted that they loved each other, he was creating a wall between them again.

After she had left, Lupin abandoned all pretence of reading. Snape's announcement had rattled him deeply. All his life, he had known things would go a certain way – he would never have a lasting romantic relationship, he would never have children. And then Tonks had come along and done her damndest to stop him pushing her away, and just as he had started to entertain thoughts that maybe she was old enough and smart enough to know what she was getting into, along had come Snape and blasted another of his long-held ideas out of the water.

Him. A dad. The idea was so unthinkable that in a way, he had preferred it when he had known it wasn't an option. At least then he had been settled in his options.

He closed his book. No way could he do any more reading now. Part of him wanted to call Tonks back and tell her the truth and hope she agreed to accompany him on this new path that had opened up for him. Another – and for the time being, the bigger – part was terrified of anything changing after he had spent more than twenty years thinking things would be a certain way for him.

Damn Nymphadora Tonks and her love. Damn Severus Snape and his brilliant mind for potions.

_Oh, love. Why can't I quit you? _He asked Tonks silently.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Right, we need to talk," Tonks said, blazing into the living room. She aimed her wand at Lupin and shot a restraining spell straight at his chest so he was forced back into the couch. "You've been avoiding me for days."

"I've had stuff to do," he said weakly. Thinking counted as 'stuff', didn't it?

"Bullshit. I asked Dumbledore. He knows of nothing, which means you're just trying to fob me off."

"I am not – " he protested, struggling against the restraining spell. Tonks reinforced it, and for a second he thought he recognised the grim determined flash of her eyes that people who had come up against Bellatrix LeStrange and lived to tell the tale were so familiar with. "The least you owe me is an honest answer," she snapped at him. "So how about we play a game of yes-or-no? Because I think I know what it is. You got cold feet yet again and yet again you were too much of a coward to tell me to my face so you figured yetagain that you would just slink off for my own good."

She was furious, he thought. And he couldn't exactly blame her. He hadn't exactly been upfront with her – and judging from her words, she had no idea of why he had been avoiding her the last few days, so Snape hadn't clued her in. "It's not what you think," he said.

"Shut...up!" she yelled at him. "I have been putting up with your bullshit for eight years and it's the same every single time. You push me away for my own good. You think I can do better. Well, fuck you, Remus Lupin. Fuck you. I'm not a child you can order around like I'm not old enough to make an informed decision. I don't take that crap from my mother, let alone from a man who's supposed to be my lover."

"You hit me with one more spell and I swear to Merlin, Tonks, I'll marry you just to stop you from using magic on me," Lupin growled when she started to aim another spell at him. Part of a marriage bond in the wizarding community was that it prevented husbands and wives from using magic on one another; once upon a time, the vast majority of cases at St. Mungo's were from spouses resorting to magic in a fight.

It had been intended as a glib comment, but at the word 'marriage' she lowered her wand. "What?" she asked.

Her concentration broken and her wand down, the restraining spell was immediately broken. "I didn't mean it like that," he said. "Though you didn't need to hit me with restraining spell, I would have listened to you."

"You haven't so far," she pointed out.

"Sit down." He scooted over on the couch to make room for her. She eyed him suspiciously, wondering if his sudden willingness to talk was a trick, and then sat down. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," he said contritely. "Snape gave me some news that turned my world upside down and I needed to think."

"The Wolfsbane potion doesn't work anymore?" she asked, immediately fearing the worst. "The contraceptive potion doesn't work?"

"You're on the right track, but it's actually the reverse. He's worked out how to tweak the potion so it only affects my wolf side. Look, it's all to do with muggle science so I don't really understand it, but basically all this time I've actually been taking two potions, one to stop the wolf part of me from procreating and the other to stop the human side. I can just take the wolf potion if I want and it will only make that part of me infertile."

"I don't understand," she said, although her mind was working quickly and she grasped the basics of it; she just wanted to hear Lupin said it.

"It means that I don't have to worry about impregnating you with wolf sperm," he said baldly.

He had said 'you', referring to Tonks, not 'a woman', referring to the general idea of having children. Her breath caught in her throat. Although they had talked about their future and having children, she had known deep down that he would never take the risk of bringing werewolf children into the world; knowing what kind of life it was, he would never risk doing that to a child. But now – but now –

She threw herself into his arms. "Remus, that's wonderful!" she cried. "Why couldn't you just say that in the first place?"

"Because I've spent almost thirty years knowing my life would go a certain way. It's not easy to be told something like that, even if everyone else thinks it's wonderful. So I've been doing a lot of thinking about me and you and us and our future. Tonks, settle down. I can't think when you're all over me." She was bouncing around on his lap, smothering his face with kisses, running her hands over his arms and chest. Obediently she stopped, although she didn't move from his lap. "I've been doing a lot of thinking," he repeated. "Love, you know the kind of lifestyle I can afford. And I know the kind of lifestyle you're used to. If you want to be with me, then you either have to lower your standards or make up the difference out of your own pocket."

"Remus, I knew that years ago," she said. "I don't need much. And our children won't, either," she added pointedly. "I mean – yeah – I like all the comforts that I grew up with, but I can live without them. I'd rather live without them then without _you_."

"There'll be a lot of people who won't approve."

She rolled her eyes. "Where have you been these last six months, Remus? Because it sure as Merlin isn't in this house, surrounded by people who love and respect you and have been placing bets on what we'd get together. I hear the twins have started putting money on when we get married," she giggled. "Yes, Remus, I know a lot of people won't approve. But a lot of people won't care, either. And I, for one, would love to see the look on Aunt Narcissa's face when she sees us together. Come to think of it, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to see the look on Umbridge's, either. Kingsley made a few hints that pretty much the whole team would forget how to do their jobs overnight if she tried to blackball me over it." Though there were exceptions, the Aurors had a history of being among the most open-minded of Department of Magic employees, and since they were so vital to the Department's success, not even Umbridge would dare make a fuss if they were determined to stand together.

"What about your parents?" he asked quietly.

"We're going to tell them what we should have told them six years ago. That we love each other and they can accept that or they can disown me."

"Could you live with that?"

"Yes, Remus, I could. I'm not this fifteen-year-old who's got the hots for you and hasn't given the consequences any thought. I've thought about everything I might lose for being with you, and you know what? It's not nearly worth as much as losing you. And that was before I thought we wouldn't have children," she added.

He looked into her eyes and, finally, saw that far from being the fifteen-year-old who had first kissed him all those years ago, she was a twenty-three-year-old who had thought through every consequence a life with him and made an informed choice that life with him was better than life without him. "In that case," he said slowly. "I have something for you." Awkwardly he fished around in his pants pocket and pulled out a small box. "This was my mother's," he said. "It's hardly in the same league as the Black family jewels but she said that any woman who was prepared to spend her life with me would rather have something that was handed down with love."

"She sounds like she was very wise."

"She was. You would have liked her. Most parents at the time would have drowned me." He picked up her left hand. "Marry me," he said quietly.

Even though her head had known what he was doing when he pulled out a box that was only big enough for a ring – and a ring that had belonged to his mother, no less – the two words still made her heart stop beating for a second. Time paused, and she stared at the ring, thinking that, for all its simplicity, there was a style there that none of the Black family jewels, in all their ostentatiousness, possessed. "Tonks?" Lupin asked nervously when she just stared at the ring for several seconds and a horrible thought entered his head that she would turn him down because he couldn't afford the kind of jewellery for his wife that her uncle Lucius could. "Love? This is the point where you give me an answer."

His nervous words penetrated her reverie, and she wanted to giggle when she realised that he was actually nervous about her answer. "Oh, God, yes, Remus, I thought that was a given," she gasped. She held out her hand for him to slip the ring on her finger, and admired the way the stone sparkled in the light. She was engaged. "Can we go now?' she asked excitedly.

"What, _now _now?" he asked incredulously

She nodded enthusiastically. "There are heaps of places that will marry us straight away," she said.

"I'm not sure what to make of it that you know that," he said. She wriggled around excitedly on his lap, and he could feel himself responding with an excitement of his own. "Ah, easy, love," he grunted. "I don't see why you're so keen on getting married right this very second. We can't even consummate it yet. Are you worried I'm going to change my mind?"

She shook her head, trusting, finally, that Lupin knew what he wanted and trusted her to know what she wanted. "No. And I don't care if we don't have a proper wedding night. I just want to be your wife. I've wanted to be your wife for six years, Remus. I don't care about having a big wedding and all that. Practically all I want to be there is already is this house. We could get a celebrant and have it in the living room!"

"Tonks! Love, I am not marrying you without at least giving your parents the opportunity to make nice," he said. "We'll all regret it if we don't at least give them a chance."

She went quiet for a few seconds, digesting Lupin's words and knowing deep down that he was right. "Fine," she said finally. "Can we at least go and do that now?"

* * *

"I believe you said you'd have nothing more to do with my daughter," Andromeda said as neutrally as she could manage. She had known this was coming – from what Moody had said, it had actually taken longer coming than he had thought – but she still didn't like the idea of Lupin and her daughter being together. Although she had to admit, she infinitely preferred it when they were twenty-three and thirty-six than seventeen and thirty.

"I should never have said that," Lupin said with quiet dignity. "I shouldn't have gotten involved with her so young, but I'm not sorry I'm involved with her now. I was a coward," he admitted. "I thought it was best that she be with her family than with me. I should have let her make up her own mind. I love her, Andromeda, and I know you think she could do better, but she could also do a hell of a lot worse. Just look at those two brother-in-laws of yours."

Andromeda clenched her fists, knowing that Lupin had a strong point. Hell, she had been extremely fond of him as a friend, but when it had come to him seeing Tonks, her deeply ingrained prejudices had come to the fore. "What if you hurt her?" she asked, terrified that one full moon he might lose control and take it out on the person in the closest proximity to him.

"Mum, he knows his limitations better than anyone else I know," Tonks protested. "He refuses to be around me when he turns, even though he's just a harmless wolf now. And – if you don't approve – you'll never see your grandchildren!" she threw in her mother's face. "I don't want them to have a bigot for a grandmother!"

"Love, that wasn't the way I wanted to tell her," Lupin admonished her gently.

"Sorry," Tonks said contritely. "I just get so bloody sick of people thinking I'm your monthly punching bag."

"Grandchildren?" Andromeda asked. For the first time she noticed that while Lupin and Tonks were holding hands, his was firmly over hers. Realising Andromeda was onto them, Lupin let go of her hand to reveal the small by tasteful ring. Her first thought was that while Narcissa might be able to brag about the large, expensive pieces of jewellery Lucius bought her, she could never claim to posses something so tastefully dignified.

"This isn't the way we wanted to tell you," Lupin admitted. "And I was hoping Ted would be here. But we're going to be married with or without your permission, but we'd like your approval."

"Grandchildren," Andromeda repeated, part wistfully, part horrified. So little was known about werewolf physiology – what kind of grandchildren would Tonks be giving her with Lupin as their father?

Tonks flared at the obvious horror on her mother's face, and knew exactly what she was thinking. "For your information," she said, "he's reformulated his potion so it will only repress the wolf side. He took this revolting stuff all the time we were together so he wouldn't expose me to that side of him, And now he won't ever sleep with me until he's been taking it for a full cycle – "

"Tonks!" Lupin hissed at her, mortified.

"I don't care! My own mother made this huge deal about marrying someone everyone thought was beneath her but she spouts the same bigoted crap as everyone else when it comes to me doing the same thing. Remus has done the right thing by me every step of the way," Tonks said, glaring at her mother, challenging Andromeda to argue with her. "Except when he was listening to bigoted people telling me that the right thing was to leave me. Well, I'm sick of it. We love each other and we're going to be married and have children and if you don't approve then you won't see me – or them – ever again!"

She sank back into the chair. Lupin slid his hand across her chest. "I've never seen her that worked up," he told Andromeda. "Her heart's going faster then mine. Don't do that again for at least another month," he whispered in Tonks's ear. "It's the biggest turn-on when you defend us like that. In fact, why don't you go put on a pot of tea, love?" he directed her.

So Tonks went to the kitchen, leaving Andromeda alone with her future son-in-law. "It's no use trying to appeal to my better nature, Dromeda," Lupin said wearily. "I've heard it from you, Dumbledore, Molly – she _is _my better nature. I'm sorry I got involved with her when she was so young. I should have given her the chance to be involved with boys her own age without constantly comparing them to me. There's a lot I would do over if I had the chance – but she's well and truly old enough to make an informed choice now and I won't stay away for her own good. I'm her own good. I make her happy. When was the last time you saw her that happy?"

"Since before she left Hogwarts," Andromeda admitted.

"Exactly. When we were together."

"And what if I cut her off?"

"Then you'll be no better than your own mother," Lupin said, knowing he had hit a nerve when it came to her own mother's treatment of her. "And you'll never see your grand-children. They'll face enough bigotry as it is, I don't want them getting it from their family."

"And you really can suppress your wolf side? That isn't something you told her to make her happy?"

"Oh, give me credit," Lupin said, the aggravation in his voice obvious. "I planned to never have children for that reason. I would never have thought of marrying her if children were off the table, and I would never have thought of having children if I wasn't assured they would be human. I've spent more than twenty years being exposed to people's ideas about werewolves – not to mention it's fucking painful to change every month. I would not bring a child into the world if there was even the smallest possibility that they might be afflicted." He took a deep breath and let the silence sit between them for a few seconds as Andromeda digested the information. "I don't want to force her to choose between us," he said. "I want – we want – you and Ted in our lives, in our children's lives. We want you at our wedding and we want you to be our children's grandparents. Please?"

He watched as Andromeda closed her eyes, witnessing her mental struggle as she was pulled between her desire to see her only child married to someone who wasn't an outcast and her desire to see her only child as happy as she was with Lupin – and only Lupin. And she knew, and he knew she knew, that she could not deny her daughter this love for a man who, society be damned, loved her with his heart and soul and was the best thing that ever happened to her.


	18. Chapter 18

___**Chapter Eighteen**_

"Umbridge is coming," Snape said casually, the witch's blunderings through his security spells setting off alarms in his office. The woman seriously thought that he would set up a sophisticated series of spells and charms to keep intruders out, and then not know when those spells and charms had been tampered with by nosy witches. "I'm going to put my hand on your shoulder."

"Wish the old bat would mind her own business," Tonks complained when Snape rested his hand on her shoulder as respectfully as he could manage, given he was well aware all Lupin's wrath would come down on him if he felt his fiancée was being disrespected.

"You know it's in everyone's best interest for you to keep your relationship quiet until you're pregnant. If she discovered you're married before that, she can still have it annulled." Tonks made a face at that. It was exactly what Lupin had told her; in fact, it had been his suggested that Tonks take a position at Hogwarts – ostensibly as an Auror to guard the castle, but in reality to be a personal bodyguard for Umbridge – so he wouldn't be tempted around her until his new potion kicked in after a cycle. A non-Ministry approved wedding – which Tonks and Lupin's would have to be, since in this climate, a union between a werewolf and a human, and a Black to boot, would never be approved of – could still be overturned for non-consummation, and the best way to prove consummation was with a pregnancy. The plan was to marry quietly and keep their marriage quiet until she could announce her pregnancy. And while she got the necessity of the plan, she still hated it. She hated being separated from Remus, she hated having to pay lip-service to Dolores Umbridge and she hated having to pretend that she was involved in an allegedly-secret burgeoning romance with Snape to throw Umbridge off the scent.

"Nymphodora, Severus, so good to see you two together," Umbridge trilled when she saw her favourite Auror and favourite professor together, his hand casually on her shoulder. From all she had heard, Tonks was something of a black sheep, taking after her mother Andromeda, only more so. But under her and Severus's influence, she was wearing demure twin-sets and had her medium-brown hair pulled back conservatively. Umbridge approved.

That and she was damn good at her job. Umbridge could totally see a future where she was settled in her position as Headmistress and Tonks and Snape were publicly together, her two favourite employees. "You're such a good influence on her, Severus," Umbridge cooed, not noticing the way Snape dug his fingers into Tonks's shoulder as a silent warning to her to bite her tongue. "And I heard such thinks about you, dear. Maybe all you needed was an older man to guide you."

That was too much for Tonks to take. "Really?" she asked coolly. "You weren't saying that about Remus Lupin."

Umbridge looked a little flustered at this outburst, then reminded herself that, after all, Tonks was only twenty-three and still had a little maturing to do. "That was different, dear," she said. "He's an animal."

"Bat!" Tonks yelled as soon as Umbridge had left the room, shaking off Snape's hand violently. "Vicious old bat! She's just jealous!"

"Calm down," Snape said mildly. "Upsetting yourself won't achieve anything and I'll get the blame if you go back to Grimmauld Place a ball of seething resentment."

"Sorry," she said. "I just miss him. And I hate that old bat."

"I noticed," he said mildly.

* * *

"It's so lovely, isn't it?" Umbridge asked McGonagall as Christmas drew near. "The way Severus and Nymphodora are spending Christmas together."

"I believe they're both going away for Christmas, that doesn't mean they're spending it together," McGonagall pointed out. She knew, of course, that the reason Tonks was taking Christmas away from Hogwarts was to get married, and Snape would also be spending it Grimmauld Place to let Umbridge think that they were spending it together. She would have liked to be there for the ceremony, but anyone who could get away from Umbridge and Filch these holidays had already done so. Well, hopefully she would get to witness it when Umbridge found out that Tonks and Lupin were very much in love. Tonks wasn't the type to let go of all the slighting insults she had inwardly swallowed for the sake of projecting an image that Umbridge approved of.

* * *

"Is it OK? I tried to make it feel like our place. Least until we can get a place of our own."

"Love, its fine, it could be a dirt floor in a barn and I wouldn't care," he admitted huskily. "Come here, wife."

Giggling delightedly, she threw herself into his arms. He hoisted her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He kissed her deeply, demandingly, ravishing her mouth with his tongue, a promise of what he would do to her all over. He brought one hand up to the neckline of her shirt and yanked it down, tearing it cleanly down the middle. "I thought I told you not to wear a bra," he growled.

"And explain that to my mother how?" she asked. Andromeda was already scandalised that her daughter and new son-in-law had stayed for only one course of Molly's extensive wedding meal before excusing themselves with no attempt at denying their intention to consummate their marriage. She got that there could be no lavish wedding, but really, did the two of them have to behave like horny teenagers?

"Your mother," Lupin whispered huskily in her ear, "is no longer your next of kin. I am."

"What, am I supposed to obey you now?" she asked coquettishly.

"Nowhere but in the bedroom, love. Besides, as I recall, you quite liked it rough." And with that, he threw her into the bed and climbed on top of her. He kissed her face and neck, moving down her chest, tearing at the more robust material of her bra with little more effort than it had required to take care of her shirt.

"Remus," she moaned wantonly, writhing underneath him as he sucked on her breasts and licked her nipples. She arched her back involuntarily as he bit her, his teeth digging slightly into her breast, creating an intense, pleasurable kind of pain.

He grabbed her other breast roughly, squeezing, kneading, running his thumb over her nipple as his tongue worked her other nipple, hardening them both. He was insanely horny and she wasn't objecting to a little rough treatment. "I like your tits much better now," he said huskily, burying his face between her breasts, moving his hands behind her back and then down under her panties and underwear, squeezing her buttocks possessively.

She wriggled underneath him and brought her own hands under his shirt. "Remus, Remus... oh God... the door." Obligingly, Remus threw an Imperturbable Charm against the door and continued undressing his wife until she was only in her underwear. He ran a finger across her womanhood through the material until he could feel her desire seeping through. She frantically pulled at his clothes until he was as naked as she was, his y-fronts doing nothing to disguise his powerful erection. She slid her hands inside his y-fronts, down his backside, squeezing his buttocks so he involuntarily gyrated his groin against hers, his erection rubbing against her thigh. She pulled the material down in a powerful enough yank to get them to his knees, and he kicked them off from there.

"You're far too overdressed, love," he murmured huskily, and yanked her panties off her in the same way he had disposed of her shirt and bra, because pulling them down her legs mean unlocking her legs from around his waist. Now completely naked, he grabbed her bare hips for leverage and, knowing from the moistness of her panties just how ready she was for him, plunged his massive manhood deep inside her. "Love!" he screamed as his penis was full enveloped by her womanhood. "Ah..." He started pounding her furiously, slamming his erection in and out of her, withdrawing fully then penetrating fully again with unrestrained animal lust, at the same time his fingers working frantically between her legs to bring her to the same frantic, violent orgasm that he knew he was going to experience.

"Remus!" she screamed his name as she clawed at his back, rocking her hips in time to his rhythm. Maybe it was that their relationship now had a degree of legitimacy, maybe it was the baby she so desperately wanted, but she felt crazed with desire as she hurtled towards an explosive orgasm. "Remus! I want your baby, give me your baby, ahhh..." She went rigid as she climaxed, too lost in her orgasm even to feel the warmth of his seed spilling into her.

For several minutes they lay locked together before it occurred to Lupin that maybe it might be uncomfortable for her, and he reluctantly moved off her. "How was that first a first attempt?" he asked with a grin.

"Pretty damn good," she said. He reached for her breast and played with it for a few minutes before sliding his hand down her front, resting between her legs for a few seconds before starting to stroke her with slow deliberation. "Remus!" she groaned, spreading her legs wide despite scarcely believing that he was up for it so quickly. "Even you can't be ready again yet." But as he reached with his free hand to one of hers and guided it between his own legs to feel his manhood, springing to life if not yet fully erect, she remembered how quickly he could be ready to go again.

"I haven't been with anyone in six years," he responded.

Her eyes went wide at this. "You're serious?" she asked. "There's been no-one since me?" He nodded slightly. He had tried, but no-one had come close to making him feel the same way so it had become more satisfying to masturbate to his fantasies. She bit her lip. "I wish I hadn't been with Charlie now."

He found himself not caring. Besides, if sex with Charlie had left her feeling as empty as any of his aborted attempts had, then it didn't even count. Flipping his wife onto her stomach so he could take her again, and again, and again...

After their immediate lust had been satisfied, she curled into his arms. "I don't want to go back to Hogwarts," she said. "I want to stay with you. I want our own place that's just ours where we can come and go as we please and not have to pretend we hardly know each other."

He stroked her hair. "You know I want that, too. But if the Ministry finds out about us before you're pregnant, they'll overrule our marriage. You know they will. Umbridge hates me for no better reason than I'm a better wizard and a better DADA teacher than her, she'd love to wreck my marriage out of pure spite. Not to mention what she thinks is your own good."

"She thinks I'd be great with Snape," Tonks complained.

Lupin laughed at that. "I'm not surprised. From what I hear, Severus is the only teacher who can disguise his loathing for her. Well, apart from the fact Filch loves her. But if she thinks you're involved with him, and she approves, than that can only be a good thing. It keeps her busy trying to set you up and away from the scent of us."

"I know. But I hate the way he touches me."

Lupin stiffened at that. It was in his nature as a werewolf to hate so much as the idea of another man touching 'his' girl. He got the practicality of having Umbridge think she and Snape were together, but that didn't mean he had to like it. "Has he been inappropriate with you?" he asked.

She shook her head against his chest. "No... I don't think he likes it anymore than I do. But I don't like it, Remus. I want this to be over – well, as over as it can be," she amended, knowing that there would always be people who would look at her like she was a freak for demeaning herself with a werewolf. But they had friends who approved and once she was pregnant, there wasn't anything the Ministry could do about it.

"Me, too, love. Me, too."

* * *

"My dear, you look radiant," Umbridge gushed in a syrupy voice that put Tonks immediately on edge. "Severus taking good care of you?"

"Excellent care," Tonks said through gritted teeth. And to be fair, he could be decent company when he wasn't being snarky. He had actually intervened a few times when he'd overheard Draco bad-mouthing her. And Umbridge, idiot that she was, often let her Auror duties slide to spend time with Snape, who was content to let her while away the hours in his office with a book, so long as she didn't interrupt him. It was kind of funny, really. Umbridge, with that contradictory puritanical streak and unhealthy fascination in other people's mating habits that was typical of a judgemental old biddy with a bit of power like her – she had often asked Tonks what it had been like with Lupin, ostensibly to tut-tut about what an animal he was but really to learn about someone else's sex life – was no doubt convinced that they were spending the time having wild sex, when it reality she read quietly while he did his thing.

"Good, good," Umbridge said. "You're mother must approve, after your last foray with a man."

Her voice was dripping with mean-spirited judgement, and Tonks resisted the urge to smack her. "You mean Charlie Weasley?" she asked. "Mum was really fond of him. She always wanted a son, so I think having the six of them as in-laws would have been the next best thing." She enjoyed the way Umbridge's smile faltered at that point. The only Weasley she liked was Percy. And since do-good Percy was the one who had dobbed her and Lupin into Dumbledore when even Charlie had balked at it, and was the only one either not a part of the Order or wanting to be part of it, he was definitely _her_ least favourite Weasley.

"Whatever you say, dear," Umbridge said, thinking that she still needed some growing up to do. Hopefully Snape would be able to set her in the right direction.

* * *

Tonks sat to the right on Umbridge, with Snape to her right. She was zoning out of Umbridge's incessant chatter about her newest draconian law that she'd had passed, thinking about her next weekend off. She'd told Umbridge that her mother was sick and she needed to spend any weekends that she could be spared with her; Lupin would meet her there for a couple of snatched days together.

She looked forward to them with every fibre of her being, but she also hated the need for them. She wanted to live with him openly and not have only the occasional weekend to look forward to where the time was consumed filled a physical hunger and lacking the ability to slow down and enjoy one another on deeper than a sexual level.

"You alright?" Snape asked in his usual lazy drawl. Tonks seemed particularly restless tonight. She hadn't taken her separation from Lupin well to begin with, and as the weeks slipped by, she became increasingly moody and restless, taking most of it out on him because she couldn't give Umbridge a piece of her mind like she wanted to.

"Fine," she said shortly. She stabbed at her food with her fork, not feeling hungry. She never felt hungry around Umbridge; the woman was a sure-fire appetite killer.

Snape eyed her more carefully. She never ate much in the Great Hall at mealtimes, preferring to take her meals in her room afterwards, but tonight she looked downright sick. "Nymphodora –" he said, putting his hand tentatively on her arm. She lurched forward, and instinctively he pulled her down with him onto the floor, where she proceeded to throw up violently. It wasn't the prettiest of scenes, but it was better than having her throw up on the table, herself, him, or worse, Umbridge.

Everyone stopped eating and the hall went dead quiet except for the sound of Tonks retching. "You done?" he asked casually once she had emptied the contents of her stomach onto the floor, as if he were asking her if she were done getting ready for a party rather than done humiliating herself in front of almost the entire staff and student population of Hogwarts. She nodded weakly. "I'll take to her Madam Pomfrey, then." He slid his arms under hers and hoisted her up none-too-gracefully. She buckled under the attempt to stand, even with his arms around her, strong if ungraceful, and he knew there was no way she could walk, even supported, all the way into the infirmary. "Sorry about this," he said, swinging her into his arms with the same ungraceful strength. He turned to Umbridge. "I'll take her to see Pomfrey," he said.

"I'm sorry," she said weakly. She rested her head against Snape's chest and wished desperately that she was in her husband's arms.

"That's alright, dear," Umbridge said graciously, liking the way 'her' Auror looked so frail in Snape's arms. "Don't you worry about anything."

So Snape took her up to the infirmary, where Madam Pomfrey asked her a series of questions that made Tonks increasingly uncomfortable before bustling off to check something. "How are you feeling?" Snape asked dryly when they were alone.

"I want to go home," she whimpered. "I want to be with Remus."

"I know you do," he said in something that passed for sympathy. He waved a cleaning spell over her that didn't make her feel much better. She missed the way Lupin would bathe with her, running a cloth the length of her body, making it as much a tactile experience as a cleansing one.

"Sorry," she said, when she realised she had pulled away from him quiet violently. "I appreciate you being with me. I just miss him so much."

Pomfrey came back at that point, looking very disapproving. "You're not married, are you?" she asked. Umbridge had made it clear how delighted she was with the time Tonks and Snape were spending alone together – though from what Pomfrey could remember, she hadn't been able to stand him when she had been his student – but there had been no confirmations of a relationship, let alone a marriage.

"I don't see why that has anything to do with it," she replied.

"Your mother would be highly disappointed in you. I thought she raised you better than that."

"Better than what?"

"You're pregnant," Pomfrey said, the disappointed at what she thought was Tonks's illegitimate pregnancy obvious in her voice.

Tonks started to feel very lightheaded. Snape didn't need to read her mind to what she was thinking that the exhilaration was flooding her mind and making it difficult to think clearly. He snaked an arm around her back to support her. "Are you sure?" she asked breathlessly.

"I've checked three times. I would hardly drop a bombshell like this on you if I wasn't sure," Madam Pomfrey said indignantly, as if Tonks was insulting her professionalism. She clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "Even Dumbledore didn't like having unmarried parents on the staff," she said, making it clear that though Tonks was one of her favourites, Umbridge wouldn't tolerate such behaviour from her.

"She's been married since Christmas," Snape assured Pomfrey. "I was there." He turned to Tonks. "I'm going to take you back to your room and then contact your parents, OK?" She nodded weakly. He contemplated forcing her to walk, then decided against it and lifted her back into his arms and carried her back to her room.

"I want to go home," she insisted when he tried to put her to bed. "I don't want to stay around that old bat one more minute."

"That 'old bat' will throw you out into the dead of night when she realises that it's not me you're married to," Snape countered. "And then Remus will go after me, Umbridge and whoever else he feels is responsible if something happens to you or your baby. Let me contact your parents. They'll contact Remus, and he'll be here as soon as is humanly possible. Calm down now. _Please_ calm down; you won't do you or your baby any good stressing and pining. He'll be here soon. Look, I will personally take you to your parents on the weekend if he hasn't come to get you before then, OK?" Snape promised wildly, anything to stop her from crying and fretting. He was glad it was Lupin who would be dealing with her if this was Tonks being hormonal.

He waited for her to fall asleep before leaving her room and heading to his own to contact Andromeda and Ted. He knew Umbridge was watching the fires, but it didn't really matter, because all it would sound like to Umbridge was an expectant father informing his in-laws of the news. They would contact Remus separately, and she would be none the wiser until he arrived to take his wife home.

He wasn't the least bit surprised to see Umbridge outside the hall, pretending to have been taking a walk when she had actually been waiting to interrogate him – only she didn't call it that, she called it a sharing of news between colleagues and friends. "I hear congratulations are in order," she cooed.

Snape merely grunted. "I have to contact her parents," he said.

"Of course, of course," Umbridge said. "I'll leave you to it." And she did just that, returning to her office to eavesdrop on the conversation.

She was disappointed, of course. Ted and Andromeda knew perfectly well that it was dangerous to discuss anything important using a Hogwarts fire. Snape had a banal conversation with them with them promising to 'send someone to get her' as soon as possible.

* * *

Madam Pomfrey had been sworn to secrecy about Tonks's pregnancy, which naturally meant that everyone knew – and that everyone but Umbridge knew Snape wasn't the father. So the next night at dinner, everyone had turned out to the Great Hall and was unusually silent, wanting to see what would happen. Umbridge, as usual oblivious to the most obvious things around her, thought their silence was a mark of respect for her authority.

"Your in-laws must be so pleased," Umbridge said to Snape.

"I'm not married," Snape delighted in saying, although his delight was disguised by his deceptively lazy drawl. "And I don't have any siblings to marry so I don't have any in-laws."

Umbridge was immediately and obviously flustered. "But I thought – " she began.

She was interrupted by the doors of the Great Hall opening, Hagrid pounding through them. Behind him, looking like a dwarf in comparison was Remus Lupin. Umbridge's eyes narrowed when she saw him. She despised Lupin for both being a half-breed and for being a more popular DADA teacher then her – though of course she would never concede that he was a better teacher than her. "What?" she asked icily, momentarily forgetting about Snape and the fact that he wasn't the one married to Tonks, "are you doing here? I thought you were fired."

"Resigned," he corrected pleasantly. "And I'm here to collect my wife."

"You're – wife?" Umbridge asked. The hall was dead silent, everyone taking in her every flustered word. "I don't recall ever approving your marriage."

"You know what your problem is, Delores?" Lupin asked in that same pleasant voice. "You always underestimate the intelligence of those you're trying to outlaw. We weren't dumb enough to give you an excuse to deny our marriage."

Umbridge would have taken great pleasure in informing Lupin that the Ministry could still deny a non-approved marriage... until she realised that even the most fanatic of Ministry members would be reluctant to deny a marriage where a child had been conceived. For a few seconds she stood there, opening and closing her mouth, searching for the words that would cut him to pieces. The entire hall listened eagerly on. Lupin himself stared at her, silently daring her to challenge his marriage and his right to be a husband and father to a human – and a Black, no less.

The silence was broken by a crashing noise at the top of the stairs. It was Tonks, her boots hitting the stairs hard, the trunk clanking down with her, suspended slightly by magic, but low enough to hit the stairs as she went. "Remind me again how you ever passed Stealth and Tracking, love?" he called affectionately.

She grinned at him. "You love it when I'm noisy," she retorted. She made it to the bottom of the stairs, crossed the distance between her and Lupin quickly and threw herself into his arms. He kissed her passionately and spun her around in circles. Without her concentration holding it up, her trunk fell to the floor with a loud bang.

There was cheering from everyone in the hall but the Slytherin table; even some of the teachers looked like they wanted to join in the applause. After a full minute passed, Lupin reluctantly pulled away from her. "I'm going to take my wife home," he addressed Umbridge, his eyes sparkling maliciously at the knowledge that he had well and truly outmanoeuvred her this time. "I don't like her being out in this weather in her condition. Oh, and Draco," he said sweetly, turning to the Slytherin table. "Do be a good little cousin and pass on a message to your mother for me. That half of the Black inheritance your parents couldn't wrest from Andromeda? Will trickle down to my wife... and then onto my children." He wrapped his arm possessively around Tonks's waist and began leading her out the castle, re-enchanting her trunk so it began to follow them again.

A few stops and they paused. Tonks spun around to face her former employer who was red in the face with anger and humiliation. "Oh, and Umbridge? I totally quit, you old bat."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Eighteen**

"That tramp! That half-breed fucking tramp!" Umbridge's howls of indignation could be heard halfway down the hall.

"See, the thing is, the Aurors get a bit tetchy when you call one of their own – what was it – a half-breed fucking tramp," Amelia Bones, head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, pointed out. "Or when you try to void one of their marriages, for that matter." She looked as serious and sage as she could manage, though secretly she was delighted that Umbridge had dropped herself so thick into it.

She couldn't just fume to a few sycophants that Lupin and Tonks had married secretly and gotten pregnant quickly so the Ministry couldn't do anything about it, she had to try and force through retrospective legislation against cross-breed marriages, only to have it over turned anyway. Since children being born – and preferably conceived – in wedlock was so sacrilege within Britain's wizarding community, whatever bad feeling there was against them for marrying and conceiving in such secrecy was reversed and then some by Umbridge's vindictive attempts to have the union overturned, despite the rock-solid rule that regardless of the means the marriage was obtained by, it was considered legitimate in light of a pregnancy. Plenty of people disapproved of a cross-breed marriage, disapproved of the secrecy, but no-one but Umbridge was denying their right to stay married in light of their pregnancy.

So she had resorted to calling Tonks names at a Ministry function. 'Half-breed fucking tramp' was the most memorable. Unfortunately, she had chosen to say it within earshot of a group of Tonks's colleagues, including Kingsley Shaklebolt. She was considered lucky that Lupin hadn't heard about it until after they were home, or Umbridge may not have lived to complain to Amelia Bones about it.

As it was, she was complaining because the Aurors had gone on strike. Well, not strike exactly, but they were doing an awful lot of nothing and taking their sweet time doing it. So far no-one had died, though there had been a lot of near-misses (no-one but them knew that those near-misses were artfully executed to put the fear of Merlin into the Ministry without actually racking up any casualties) and Umbridge couldn't find another Auror to be her bodyguard for love or Galleons. Word was getting out that they felt if they were going to work for a bigoted, judgemental Ministry, they may as well stop risking their lives to protect the Ministry from Voldemort.

And it had all started because Umbridge couldn't let go of the perceived slights the Lupins had inflicted on her.

"I need a bodyguard," Umbridge whined.

"Dumbledore didn't," Amelia Bones pointed out. "And from the way you said it, he was hugely unpopular. I would have thought you'd have far less to worry about."

Umbridge fumed, remembering how amused everyone had been by Tonks's abrupt and public exit, the way they had all approved of her very public display of affection with that werewolf – they had practically been going at it in the Great Hall. She fumed to remember how she had been led to believe Tonks had made a good match with Severus Snape, when in reality she was leaving the school every weekend to have her brains screwed out by a werewolf. A werewolf she had married, and gotten pregnant by, to the complete ignorance of the Ministry.

Why couldn't Amelia Bones see what a mockery they were making of the Ministry?

"He's always had a malign influence on her," Umbridge insisted. "He was taking advantage of her when she was thirteen. He's using her position to undermine the Ministry. Just look at what he's done to the Aurors."

"I have several witnesses to their relationship saying it didn't become sexual, or even romantic, until after she turned seventeen. You might find that distasteful, Dolores, but it isn't illegal, and until you find proof to the contrary I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself unless you want to be on the end of a slander complaint. As to undermining the Ministry – he's actually been very helpful, His knowledge of the Dark Arts is phenomenal."

"It's illegal for half-breeds to be employed by the Ministry!" Umbridge said indignantly.

"I'm well aware of that, Dolores," Bones said calmly, her tone telling Umbridge that she very much regretted that. "He picks her up every day and offers his ideas if she's held up. And as for the Aurors – they're a very clannish bunch. He didn't have to say a word after you said the things you did about Nymphodora. What on earth possessed you to think something like that around them, let alone say it? Did you really think any of them would be willing to work for you after that?"

"It's revolting, them being together," Umbridge said primly.

"I suggest you don't think about it, then," Bones said dryly. It seemed the loudest opponents of the marriage were those who spent far too much time thinking about the two being intimate.

"But – this baby – it's not natural," she protested.

"Not that it's any of anyone's business, but they've assured me they've taken precautions. It turns out Lily Evans was doing some amazing work about suppressing the wolf side. It's a shame she didn't live to further her work, who knows where we might be with Wolfsbane today if we had someone of her calibre working on it?"

"Like – like contraception?" Umbridge blustered. "But – but that's a class-two restriction!" Because the wizarding population was minute compared to the muggle one, they frowned upon contraception. While it wasn't outright illegal, there were laws against Ministry funding being used for research, or even advertising being allowed.

Bones peered at Umbridge over her glasses. "It seems to me," she said slowly. "You're not happy either way. You don't like her being pregnant because it's not natural, and you don't like them using contraception because it goes against magical beliefs. I know you don't want to hear this, Dolores, but being a werewolf doesn't automatically make him a monster."

Umbridge knew when she had reached the end of Bones's patience. "Fine," she said. "What are we going to do about my bodyguard?"

* * *

Cornelius Fudge was furious. His Aurors were still on strike – or not-strike – and Umbridge wasn't helping, mouthing off against Nymphodora Lupin at every opportunity she got. She really had a vicious, vindictive side. She got things done, that was true enough, but she also spent a lot of energy getting revenge on those she felt had crossed her. And what had the Lupins done exactly? Not much, except marry without Ministry approval, and couples did that all the time when they felt their licence would be denied – because the age gap was considered inappropriate, because of parental disapproval, or, like Tonks and Lupin, because of being a half-breed. The Ministry hardly approved of such tactics, but it was something they had been turning a blind eye to for as long as anyone could remember. And Umbridge would have done well to turn a blind eye as well. But she couldn't forgive the loss of her best bodyguard to marry a werewolf, or the fact they had announced it so publicly and the entire student body – well, not the Slytherines – had loved seeing her humiliated so.

And now the Lupins were making noises about a slander complaint. Lupin had nothing to lose, people had been saying for two years that his relationship with Tonks ought to have been illegal – Umbridge was just the first to say outright that it had been, and say it so loudly. He had nothing to lose, and worse, he was starting to get public sympathy. People were starting to say that if they could win the approval of both her mother and the ex-boyfriend she'd left for Lupin, both people known for their sound judgement, then there had to be some kind of solid foundation there. And he was starting to grow on several Ministry officials for the way he could always offer an opinion, or give a vital piece of information and never complained that any help he gave the Ministry had to be in an unofficial capacity because they couldn't employ him, thanks to Umbridge's legislation. There were already a few grumbles about the fact they would much rather have Lupin in their employ than Umbridge. No surprises there; all the Hogwarts students except for the Slytherines had been saying that all year.

Yes, they were in a right mess. The Aurors wouldn't take abuse against one of their own lying down, the Ministry would be dragged through the mud if the Lupins decided to file an official complaint against Umbridge, and Lupin was proving to be far more popular than Umbridge and make people question the fairness of having a blanket ban on non-human races. After all, they were saying, didn't Voldemort prove that being pure-blood didn't automatically make you a good person?

So here he was, trying to negotiate with the Aurors to stop these artful campaigns of near-misses that they were employing. (He had a feeling they were doing it intentionally, as no-one had died, but it was hard to tell the Ministry or public this.) He'd brought Umbridge and Percy Weasley with him, and was hoping the Aurors would have sent Kingsley Shaklebolt, who he had always found to be a reasonable man.

No such luck. An obviously pregnant Nymphodora Lupin came swanning in, actually managing to look more graceful than she did not pregnant. And her mother followed. Fudge gritted his teeth. He had never liked dealing with the Blacks – well, maybe Narcissa, because she was such a pushover, but Bellatrix and Andromeda had always been brutal when pursuing what they wanted. People had always assumed Andromeda was the weaker of the two older Black sisters, which wasn't true; she was simply the fairer, but could be no less determined when she wanted something.

And now she wanted a fair deal for her daughter and son-in-law. Actually, that was what she had wanted three months ago, and Umbridge had gone out of her way to belittle and humiliate them. Now she wanted blood.

Umbridge glowered when she saw Tonks, all the more so because she was radiating. Marriage and pregnancy suited her. "Mrs. Lupin," she said with barely-restrained hostility. "You're not here with your husband, I see."

"Cut the crap, Delores, you know perfectly well it's a full moon," Tonks said cheerfully. She saw no reason to lie about where her husband was; anyone with any intelligence knew anyway. They had agreed that there was no point in sugar-coating the truth; the best chance they had at legitimacy and respectability was to live as openly and honestly as anyone else was entitled to. She smiled winningly at Fudge. "Now, I believe we're here to discuss what you feel is our sub-standard work," she said cheerfully to Fudge.

"I was hoping I might liaise with someone more... senior," Fudge said stiffly.

Tonks smiled even more winningly. "Yeah, and I'd hoped my marriage would be respected. We don't always get what we want. Do we, dear?" she asked Umbridge sweetly. Everyone knew that Umbridge had wanted Dumbledore's position from the get-go; now she had it, and a student and staff body that had turned revolution into a quicksilver artform – she could never pin anyone down.

"What do you want?" Fudge asked gruffly.

"OK, first, I want my cousin's – well, mum's cousin, really – conviction quashed, and fifteen years back pay. We won't even make you admit you screwed up, just say new evidence has been found."

"You've got to be joking!" Fudge ejaculated. Of course, by this point, he, like the rest of the Ministry, knew that Sirius Black was innocent, but how could they come out and say they had made a mistake like that?

"And we want that nasty bit of werewolf legislation repealed," Tonks continued, as if Fudge hadn't turned down her first request.

Umbridge flared at that. "Over my dead body!" she said. It had taken a lot of secrecy and back-room dealing to get that piece of legislation passed; though many were scared of werewolves, goblins and other semi-human breeds, they mostly understood that blanket bans couldn't be applied to them. Remus Lupin was a prime example of how good people who had a lot to offer the wizarding world were caught up in a blanket ban. Umbridge had known it, and had gone about it secretly before the wrong people worked out what she was doing and put a stop to it – it was so much easier to stop a bit of legislation than repeal it. But if it was repealed, then she had no chance of getting it through again.

Tonks shrugged as if it were no big deal that a law that was so detrimental to her husband was to be kept in place. "Thirdly, my husband wants his job back. Oh, and we want Dumbledore to be reinstated as well."

"Those are my jobs!" Umbridge squawked indignantly. "What would you have me do then?"

Tonks shrugged. "You know what, dear? I really don't give a shit so long as you stay far away from me, and you don't piss me off!"

"Mrs. Lupin, you must understand how unreasonable your requests are," Fudge said.

"Really? I don't think it's all that unreasonable to ask for the return of who are considered to be the best Headmaster and best Defence Against the Dark Arts professors in this school's living memory," Tonks said coolly. "Or for my cousin to have his name cleared after spending twelve years in that hell-hole you call a prison. Or for my husband not to be persecuted for something that was never his fault and in no way affects his ability as a teacher or his compassion as a human being," she said, stressing the last two words with intentional irony.

"And what do you suggest I say to all the parents who express their concern at having their children being taught by a werewolf?" Fudge asked.

"Cornelius! You can't be seriously suggesting that you – replace me – with that – animal," Umbridge said indignantly.

Tonks ignored Umbridge and flashed Fudge a winning smile. "It's my understanding that werewolf marks are near-impossible to remove?" she asked. "In fact, I believe there's no known magic, Dark or otherwise, that can do it, that not even someone with my abilities could hit marks like that?" Fudge nodded, having a sinking feeling as to where this was going – and knowing that he couldn't fault her logic. Tonks pulled out of her bag a folder of reports from St. Mungo's. "Three separate physicals from three independent Healers," she said triumphantly. "I don't have a scratch on me." At least, not the kind of scratches that couldn't be healed – and anyway, Lupin had been gentle, almost unnaturally so, ever since he had found out about her pregnancy. "So you can just go and explain to any ignorant, bigoted person that if that big bad werewolf isn't a danger to the woman who shares his bed twenty-five out of twenty-eight nights, then he sure as Merlin isn't a danger to his students."

Fudge gave the documents a brief glance. She had gone to the most highly respected, uncorrupted Healers at St. Mungos. Umbridge had inflicted more hurt on her students in her lust for discipline then Lupin ever had. And the fact Tonks had presented a strong argument infuriated Fudge even more than if she'd come to him as a hysterical, unreasonable wife. "You're still asking the impossible."

Tonks shrugged. "Suit yourself,' she said, standing up, confident that it wouldn't be long before Fudge changed his mind. Hell, what with the curse that was on the DADA position, it wouldn't take longer than the end of the school year for something to happen to Umbridge. They had it all worked out; the solution was so simple that the entire Order was kicking themselves for not thinking of it. Hopefully starting from the next school year, Snape and Lupin would be sharing the two positions, rotating every year. As far as they could tell, Voldemort's curse on the DADA position only applied to holding the position for consecutive years; for two professors to rotate and teach it every other year looked like the perfect solution. "You know where to reach me if you change your mind."

* * *

"Merlin, I wish I'd been there," Lupin said wistfully when Tonks told him what had happened.

"It was almost as good as when we told her we were married. And pregnant," she informed him. "Honestly, that woman is stupid," she said. "If she'd just kept her trap shut about us, she would have had public sympathy on her side."

"The most vindictive are often lacking in intelligence, love," Lupin reminded her.

She giggled at that. "I know! I think she knows she's nowhere near as good as you or Dumbledore – if she was, she wouldn't give a crap about you. And I bet she's totally jealous. No-one's ever gonna want to marry her."

In concurrence, Lupin slid his hands down her front to rest on her swollen body. She leaned her head back against his chest and he kissed the top of her head. It was amazing, really, how gentle and restrained he was with her, even at this time of the month. Especially at this time of the month. She remembered, a little wistfully, how aggressive he could be when his animal side was closest to the surface. He wouldn't dream of giving into his desire for her and possibly being too rough with her. "It's funny," she mused. "They were so convinced that you were capable of hurting your students – though I think Fudge grasped that if you've never hurt your wife, you're not likely to hurt any of your students. I was longing to inform them that you won't sleep with me anywhere near the full moon in case you're too rough – God, I would have loved to have seen the look on Umbridge's face, bet she hasn't gotten laid in decades."

"I'm surprised you didn't," Lupin said with a grin, remembering how much Tonks loved to talk about sex as much as her colleagues in same-breed marriages were. And the thing was she actually seemed to be making some headway, with her peers more grossed out by the fact she shared a bed with a man thirteen years her senior than the fact she shared her bed with a werewolf. "You're amazing, you know," he said, kissing the top of her head again. "You're a one-woman equal rights campaign. My life is so much better for having you in it."

She arched her neck so she was looking up at him, her eyes sparkling. "Sorry you waited so long to make an honest woman of me?" she teased.

"Very," he said, lowering his mouth to kiss her.

* * *

The Ministry caved a month later after it became apparent that Umbridge had no respect from her students or staff, and therefore, no control of the school. Dumbledore returned with a hero's welcome. Two weeks after that, the anti-werewolf legislation was appealed and Lupin returned to Hogwarts with almost as warm a welcome from everyone barring the Slytherin students. Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy, already furious that there was nothing they could do to redirect the Black inheritance away from the Lupins, pulled Draco out of Hogwarts and put him into the Durmstrang Institute, which was no great loss to anyone but Crabbe and Goyle, who suddenly found themselves as brawn without brain.

Sirius, completely vindicated by the Ministry, had all his possessions returned – including the half of the family fortune that had been passed onto his cousin Narcissa. He declined to accept the other half from Andromeda, even though it was rightfully his. After all, how much money did a man need? And besides, it was well worth it in terms of the hours of amusement he and Andromeda got out of it. Narcissa Malfoy, forced to hand back half a fortune to a cousin whose principles she detested – and knowing that the other half would trickle down to her half-blood niece and her half-breed husband and whatever part-muggle and part-werewolf kinds they might have.

Theodore 'Teddy' Lupin was born in November of 1996, ten months after the marriage of his parents, and named after his grandfather. They were a popular couple, apart from the odd bigot that would never accept Lupin as part of their society, and students got used to having her spending time at Hogwarts when she had a day off or a pregnancy was too advanced to work. They had made a choice to live openly and honestly as husband and wife, and as the days, months and years went by, the approach worked and Lupin became as much a part of Hogwarts as Tonks was part of the Ministry of Magic.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Hey guys! Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing - glad you've enjoyed.**_

**Epilogue**

_Twenty years later_

"I don't want to go," almost-seventeen-year-old Victoire Weasley said plaintively at Platform nine-and-three-quarters.

"I'll come and see you every Hogwarts weekend," Teddy promised her. His parents had been highly supportive of his relationship with Victorie, their only condition being that he waits until she turned seventeen. And when Victoire's parents had protested about Lupin's open-minded attitude – particularly Fleur, who, despite being from a line of temptresses, had conservative ideas about sex and marriage – he had calmly pointed out that all forbidding the young couple to sleep together would achieve was forcing them to do it in secret.

He had a good point. Tonks – who his dad still referred to by her maiden name over after twenty years of marriage – had arrived unannounced in his flat and happily endued the shabbiness and secrecy for the man she loved – the man she had now been married to for over twenty years and born seven children. Surely it was better to have them expressing their love for each other in a safe, comfortable environment on the condition that they wait until they were both of age then feeling they had to sneak out and lie to their parents.

So both Fleur and Bill had come around and Teddy, as crazy as he was about Victorie, saw the sense in waiting for Victorie to come of age. It had given them a year to get to know each other and he was glad he had followed his father's request now.

Teddy and Victorie joined the rest of what had years ago become known at Hogwarts as the Black-Weasley pack. (They had initially been known as the Black-Weasley-Lupin-Potters, but that had soon been condensed to Black-Weasley on account that they were all one or the other, and some people suggested that it be condensed again to just Black because the Weasleys _were_ Blacks, albeit several generations removed.) And they _did_ tend to travel in a pack. There were Sirius's two kids, Gillian and Amber, nineteen-year-old twin orphans from the Battle of Hogwarts who he had adopted, taking a perverse pleasure that was typical of Sirius that the Black name would continue on in the form of children who weren't biologically Blacks. (A furious Narcissa was still fighting that.) Tonks and Lupin's seven children ranged between Teddy's twenty and Emmy's ten. Of Bill and Fleur's three children, Victorie was sixteen – almost seventeen, as both she and Teddy kept reminding everyone within earshot – and Louis twelve. Percy's two girls were fourteen and thirteen. George and Ron both had two children, and the youngest of Harry and Ginny's children, Lily, was ten years old and longing to join her brothers at Hogwarts. All up, that made twenty-one children – although Teddy, Gillian, Amber and Victorie all objected to the world 'children' – between ten and twenty. They were a close extended family, and a legendary one at that.

The last twenty years had mostly been good ones. Voldemort had been vanquished once and for all, and leaps and bounds had been made in Wolfsbane so Lupin now enjoyed almost-human quality of life every day of the month. He knew there would be no cure found in his lifetime, but as it was, he enjoyed a far greater quality of life than he had when he had first been bitten, and he was secure in the knowledge that his children were all human.

Thanks both to Kingsley Shaklebolt and Lupin's work with the Order, not only were many laws regarding half-breeds repealed, but many of the community's attitudes towards them had been reversed. People for the most part now understood that werewolves, vampires, centaurs, goblins, giants and the like, like humans, were to be judged on a case-by-case basis and not subject to blanket discrimination. And more and more evidence was pointing to the fact that opinions on the superiority of full-blood were not only false but counter-productive; fresh blood from muggle-borns like Lily Evans, Ted Tonks and Hermione Granger were actually bolstering and not detracting from the power of the wizarding community. Voldemort and his ideas about pure-bloods, and all the devastation it had wreaked, had forced the wizarding community to reassess its values and start looking at witches and wizards based on their abilities and characters then their bloodlines. The Lupins, who never would have been accepted in the past, had benefitted hugely from this change in attitudes.

He had the life, the family and friends that he never would have thought possible when he had first been bitten. Life was good.


End file.
